Best Laid Plans
by taylorandmacster10
Summary: To keep things simple, this is a story of a trip to New York, memory lane, and an unfamiliar hospital. This is a Jay whump story stuffed with all kinds of twists, turns, and surprises along the way.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1- Life is Fluid

**Stories come from the oddest of places. A terrible tale was overheard at work the other day and while my heart went out to the person, it sparked an idea for a story. It's been done before but not, a topic I've covered yet not in this manner. This one will be a tad different from the others in that things will slow way down. Furthermore, we'll see a little bit of normal life before things go haywire. The usual suspects will be there but a few surprises will pop up along the way. But that's all the juicy gossip I'm giving away for now. Here's to the fastest put together storyline. Let's have some fun. **

"So what are you wanting exactly?"

"Jay, it's like negative ten out there. I'll be fine till I get back to have coffee."

"You bugged all night long and now when we're finally here and you're going to refuse free coffee?" It was true they'd been up all night, but not for the reasons one would think. The job called, it always called. The promise of a normal Friday night twisted into a late night homicide complete with a graveyard shift at the department of stakeout detail. Hailey and Jay pulled the short straw this time around, literally. No joke Adam keeps a collection of odd lengthened straws in the car for special occasions. Everyone drew, all but Hailey and Jay giggled in delight. For the last eight hours the two of them sat outside a house way out in the western edge of the city, the twinkling lights of Chicago mere pinholes from their location.

As expected the house was silent. The street looked to have seen better days, and people, a good two decades ago. Hailey swore she saw a tumbleweed gently trickle down the street at some point, that being Jay's cue to poke fun at her wild imagination. It was after the sun rose and the street cleaner had come and gone that Voight told them to return to headquarters. Either the address was bogus or the perp was buried deep in some other corner of Chicago. He may have had a head start on them but there was no way he was going to get away with this.

It was Hailey's persistent yawning and eye rubbing that made Jay pull over at a nearby Starbucks. She tried her best to hide things but Jay knew she was on day two of very little sleep. The new year had rung in more crime than usual and all of them were well into overtime pay at this point, the majority of the month yet to come. They all were in the same sleep deprivation boat. Now, as he stood outside the driver's side of the truck shivering and glaring for her reply, she sighed in the truth that he would never cave. Plus, who doesn't accept a freebie? No one.

"Grande with two pumps of mocha, medium amount of cream and a touch of sweetener." Jay cocked his head in a way that told her she was odd, earning him a shrugged shoulder response. The eyes followed him till he disappeared into the business, her tired mind drifting to that thought, that weird feeling she had that day. She wasn't sure if it was still there, or if the feeling was mutual, so the fact it surfaced at this point was odd. Holding the recline button on the passenger seat she concluded that sleep would dash away things. Just a five minute power nap, that's all she needed to get through another day. She felt the sun beating on her face, ignored the desire to open here eyes. She had to sleep, had to shut off for just a moment. One could only grind things out for so long. As the world rotated into its' morning ritual Hailey chose to live back in the nightlife. As busses flashed their safety lights and kids squealed and groaned at the sight of the yellow vehicle, Hailey smirked. She took comfort in knowing that stage of life was over, living the life she begged for when she was a dorky girl in pigtails. Sleep, she just needed a touch of sleep. All would be better if she could just achieve that.

The knocking on the window went simultaneously with the buzzing of her phone in her front pocket. The jolt from nothing to everything had her mildly scream, thrusting herself upright and glueing hands to her eyes. She could hear Jay laughing and intentionally took her time in putting the window down, keeping him outside that much longer.

"What's the text message, my hands are full," he spoke when she finally granted him access. Hailey accepted the coffee cup, sipping and savoring its' warmth and rejuvenation. God bless the person who discover the brown nectar of the gods. Because without it the police wouldn't exist; or so her sleep deprived mind concluded.

"Voight wants us back at the district."

"Yeah, he already said that."

"Well, he added a 'now' this time. So…"

"It can't be another one." Hailey sighed, they both knew it was true.

"Iced coffee," she pointed out as Jay pulled out into road.

"Yeah, cold keeps me awake."

"You're so weird." The two of them chuckled, focusing on the world outside of them. It was like living in two separate worlds. As the actual world was moving into Wednesday morning the occupants of the truck were stuck in Tuesday night, trying to play catch up. Most of the world was bright eyed and cheerful while the other two wore bags under their eyes and certainly smelled bad. The radio was telling the tale of another morning in the city, both of them still caught up in the events of the prior night. Ask both Jay and Hailey and neither would be able to recall a single word barking over the speakers.

…

Everyone else was in their place when Jay and Hailey trudged up the stairs. As they reached the top the noted their teammates, but the addition of white shirts and a computer had them scratching their heads. Whatever happened between the stakeout and arriving this morning was drastic, probably not good. The two of them waved to everyone, taking their seats before Voight acknowledged the group.

"Just got off a Skype call. We're headed to New York. Today." This was an unforeseen turn to the day. The case they were working was local, zero connections outside the perimeter of the city. Everyone was inquisitive and confused, glancing over to the other before one of them finally vocalized their thought.

"What happened?"

"Special victims wants us. Needs us. Case we worked a few years back seems to have a second leg. We're scheduled to leave here at noon, get into the city before nightfall."

"What about.." It was a white shirt that cut Adam off.

"Robbery homicide is taking your current case. Sargeant Benson asked specifically for you guys and we're not about to let them down."

"What case," Jay asked?

"Teddy." The mouth dropped open at that one. It had been an eternity since he'd heard that name. The crazy part was how quickly that time came back to him. Looking around the room now he could see every person involved, knew the layout of the department to a centimeter. Al was tucked in the back, peeling a banana while taking pride in the fact he'd snuck into work once again. Adam was debating something about Kim for the billionth time while Antonio told him to chill, that if he thought this moment in time was bad to just wait till kids were involved. Voight was in his office, door closed enough to keep people out but open to where he could hear. He had his eyes on things, making sure it all went in line with his unique by-laws. A quick, snarky yet sweet one liner from his desk mate across the way is what tore him away from the mysterious boss. They were all ghosts, figures of another point in time. Those times were fun, care free, adventurous. In an instant Jay was saddened, blinking to find them no longer present, invisible snapshots of a life no more. He cherished those times. He hated that they were over. He also realized that people were probably watching him daydream into space, clearing his throat before continuing.

"Has anyone contacted.."

"Don't know. I'd imagine since SVU and the FBI often work together on stuff they've already reached out. Plus the history with this case. We'll learn more when we land."

"Okay."

"Everyone go home. Pack. For a couple days at least. We're needed elsewhere. Let's give them everything we've got." They all rose in unison. Most of them had a pep in their step, excited to stretch their jurisdictional limits for a bit. An unofficial plan to meet at the gate in two hours was struck, the team members darting off to their abodes. But it was Jay wandering around in a total fog. One minute he was dead tired, dreading the thought of having to work another full day. In the uttering of a single word that all changed. He was nervous, on edge, excited, fearful of what New York had in store for him. It had been so long, so many things distancing himself from that night. But the opportunity to make things right, gather answers for his questions was upon him. The life of a police detective is an ever hilly roller coaster. In this instance all he could do was strap in and hang on for dear life. As he pulled out of the district and made his way to the apartment, he honestly looked forward to the challenge of a second chance. Oh the adventure in store for him. But for now, it was about beating everyone to O' Hare.

**So this chapter is super short, but it's a set up for what's to come. This is just an appetizer. I feel the need to point some things out. First, I know the mention of her will cause some dislike and I totally understand. Everyone is allowed to feel and react however they want and I truly encourage that. But ever since the Dawsey reunion I've always wandered what a Linstead reunion could entail. Things were left undone, their storyline cut off too quickly. So since we won't get it on the actual show, I turn to here. A lot is going to go down in this story, but one element will include Erin in some capacity. Just hang with me guys. I think you might like how everything turns out. Maybe?! Hopefully?! Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2- In a New York Minute

**Love you guys! When I say I was nervous for posting this, I'm not joking. The unfortunate truth is that hate is going around the One Chicago fandom right now, which absolutely breaks my heart. People should never be in fear of sharing their opinion. There is very little truth or factual elements to these shows. Just about all of it is left up to interpretation. What I may get out of these shows someone else won't, and that's ok! I love hearing other viewpoints of things. Differences are the foundation for conversations, bonding, and friendly debates. So when I dropped the idea of Erin in the previous chapter I was scared that I would receive hate or dislike. But you guys have been so sweet and supportive that your words are giving me hope. There will always be outliers in any group, but you guys are showing me that not everyone is here to hate one another. And now I shall get off my soapbox. **

**So this chapter we'll be catching a flight to New York City! Again, this is furthering the laying of the foundation before the main event, per se. Let's get into this! Are you guys ready for a reunion?!**

Home is a sanctuary. A place of refuge and solace at the beginning and endpoints of the day. A home is a neat, organized, calm location where one's troubles ought to melt away by the second. Home is a destination, a goal, a finish line. It is where you can truly be yourself, leave the various masks of the world at the doorstep. Home is supposed to good, fresh, with a touch of lavender or some other tranquil scent. Everything ought to be in its' place and radiate a welcoming energy. It's no wonder a series of rooms described as such are the escapes when things are terrible. True peace and relaxation can only happen in the most comfortable of locations: home. So to say the mental record scratched when Jay bust through his front door is an understatement.

For starters the place reeked of something gone bad. He knew it had been a minute since unlocking the front door, but to stand in the entryway and gaze at the shock and awed state of the place had him rolling his eyes and groaning. Clothing was scattered between the couch and bedroom door, that one was tripping him up due to the fact he had zero memory of why things were that way. Drinking glasses and dishes were speckling, no, blanketing the kitchen. From the table to sink there were very few surfaces not covered in some form of tableware. Venturing into the kitchen awarded a stronger whiff of the odd scent. Jay stopped in front of the fridge, readying himself for what the other side had for him. He took a deep breath, swung the door open wide, and exhaled through a gag. Leftovers from the week between Christmas and New Years had taken on a new shade and appearance, the tacos donning a fuzzy coat.

"You're such a disgusting slob," Jay told himself as he ran for the garbage can, shoving the cylindrical shape right up to the edge and stiff arming everything into it. Once the toxic bag was out of the building and down the street Jay found cologne and doused the place in it. Room freshener wasn't going to cut it in this case, he had to bring in the big, expensive guns. It was when everything had a nice sheen that he stopped, realizing he had less then an hour to get to the airport and get through security. From there it was about the essentials: pack a bag and get going in the direction of O'Hare. The dishes would have to wait, laundry was balled into a pile next to the laundry room. It all would have to be put on hold till he returned in a couple days, or so he assumed.

Twenty minutes and one shower later Jay was back at the threshold of the place, turning back to face the state of things. He never did this when he left home, wasn't one to look back at things. But for reasons unknown to him at the time he glanced over his shoulder. The place was a beautiful and poetic take on the life of a detective. On the exterior is was quiet, appeared to be in order and under control. But open the door wide and all that's really there is chaos. It was the occupation, his life at the moment, but he wouldn't have it any other way. He mentally bid farewell before leaving it all behind, completely unaware of the explosion life had in store for him. If he considered things a mess now, just wait a couple days.

…

"How in the world did you get here so quickly?" Jay looked up from his protein shake and late breakfast, ripping out an AirPod to a crowd of head scratchers. It was true, his unofficial plan of beating everyone to the gate worked out swimmingly. He arrived and got through things long enough to find a seat close to the window and secure sustenance. We call that a rousing victory.

"Um, a badge maybe?!"

"You're joking," Hailey snapped back, everyone else had raised eyebrows and subtle laughs.

"TSA pre-check," he joked.

"How did you get that and none of us did?"

"Oh, you can sign up for it. You go in and do an interview and stuff and viola, you can bypass security every time. Got it for stuff like this."

"And you decided to not share this with the class, why," Adam jokingly inquired?

"Eh, you guys have to figure stuff out on your own." They all rolled their eyes, taking a collective seat around or behind Jay. The flight to New York was relatively light, which was odd considering the time of day and location. Some of that had to do with the weather they were about to fly into, but mostly Jay didn't care. The last thing he wanted was a jam packed flight to a bustling city with a person he was nervous and excited to see again. At this point he didn't even know if she would be there, but gut told him it was happening. The case hit too close to home for her to ignore things. Adam picked up on the thoughts shooting through the brain at a million miles per second. He looked around Jay to Hailey, giving her that look to make people leave for a moment. She nodded, the two of them concurring that someone had to talk to him. Hailey would volunteer but she wasn't fully in the know of that period of his life. So she left it to the more informed one, rising to speak to the group.

"Who's hungry?" A couple 'me's' were spoken while others stretched their extremities, standing to follow her in the direction of food. Adam gave out his order before turning to face Jay. He was like a little kid, feeling the stare of someone but doing his best to look as busy as possible, hoping someone would buy it.

"You don't even know if she's going to be involved." Jay sighed, sitting up just a bit without breaking his gaze of the window.

"She is. It's Teddy. There's no way she won't be. Plus she and Benson were close, talked a lot after the whole Yates thing. She'll be there."

"So why the nerves?"

"I'm not nervous."

"You're a horrible liar. How do you manage to go undercover?" That one got a smirk, a glance over before replying.

"Things didn't exactly go as planned. Didn't really even get an opportunity to say anything. I was ready to take that next step."

"What?!" Jay nodded.

"And then all that happened. I get that a lot of time and things have happened since then, but…"

"The feelings might still be there."

"Yeah, I don't know."

"Well, I'm not one to preach about these things, but just view this as a second opportunity, alright? Whatever happens, happens." They were nicely interrupted by the call for boarding, Adam looking for any kind of response, which came in the form of a shrug. Everyone did the cow heading shuffle and soon were on the ramp, returning to the herding line as the slow pokes ever so carefully shoved their carry-ons into the overhead compartment. Before long all members of the team were in their assigned seats and situated for the hour and a half flight to the Big Apple. It was in the middle of a pestering match between Voight and the flight attendants that Jay's mind trickled off to a lively conversation from way back in time. The subject was scattered between apartment hunting and overtime.

_"__Last time I worked violence reduction duty I wound up chasing some tweaked out Bonnie and Clyde couple across a roof." _

_"__Right, the ones who fell through the skylight." _

_"__Oh, I told you that one?"_

_"__Yeah." _

_"__Point is, we just became two more targets for them to shoot at." _

_"__A, Platt basically made this mandatory. B, we're getting overtime it's like a dollar a minute." _

_"__Time I'd rather spend in that walk-in shower with the dual steam heads in the apartment I looked at." _

"This is your caption speaking, runway has been assigned and we're clear for takeoff. Enjoy the warmth of the cabin, ladies and gentlemen. It's a balmy nineteen degrees in New York City." Jay scoffed at the people groaning and complaining. Nineteen was a mild March day in the Windy City. As the plane raced towards the end of the tarmac Jay recalled hearing that the high in the city today was going to be seven. He looked to Hailey who was buried deep in a bag of Cheetos and a Skymall magazine. Returning to the window he didn't move till they were airborne, making that sharp turn towards the East coast. He missed those times, those pointless conversations about apartment relocation. He thought his plan of including her in his hunt would be enough to get her in on the place with him. But true to her she had far better, silent plans that he grew to love. Just one more chance, a final sendoff and he'd be set for life.

_"__You want the new fancy shower with the whatever and the whatever you need to work the overtime."_

_"__Did I show you the loft on Division?"_

_"__The one with the toilet next to the stove? You are not moving in there."_

_"__It's intimate." _

_"__Yeah, so's prison." _

…

Anyone who's flown through LaGuarda, LGA, in the last century knows the literal hell it's configuration is. The ceilings are so low, there are close to three million gates scattered across several miles of concourses and seemingly disconnected terminals. Furthermore the construction taking place there must be in the Guinness book of world records for the longest project ever. Jay mentally figured that since the last time he raced out to New York for a case, the construction workers had managed to knock down two more walls. Nothing had been built, just furthering the demolishing of the place. It was like a curious child whittling their way down to the very core of some electronic. No revitalization and revamping was taking place, just destruction and chaos.

But perhaps the biggest headache of it all was the ceiling height. The place is so old they couldn't have been taller then seven, eight feet at the most. One wonders when the world had a growth spurt because things back in the day were in smaller scales then they are now. But enough of this bunny trail thought. So with these small ceilings, one above five foot two couldn't help but duck constantly. It was a natural reaction and one Jay found himself doing without realizing. Between de-boarding the getting to the pick up zone, everyone had a good laugh over Jay's squat-and-walk routine. In the beginning Jay was doing it without noticing, but towards the end it was for pure comedic relief. After the bumpy and constant crying of the flight, they all need a bit humorous relief. Jay was more then willing to be the class clown when the timing was right.

What greeted them in the not-so-fresh air was a blast of snow and bone chilling cold. Winter storm Helena was making her presence known, but that didn't seem to stop anyone. The classic sounds of New York City were right there: car horns, police whistles, women shouting into their phones "I'M AT THE CURB COME GET ME YOU ASSHOLE," to their doting significant other. To those not from another city this was a circus on a grander scale, but to the residents of Chicago this was per the norm, almost. It was another city with its' own dynamics. Give it five minutes and they'd be over the shock of the noise.

It was a extra long car horn that had them all stop in their tracks. Sargeant Benson was standing outside a conversion van decked out in NYPD logos and tags, Finn at the helm of the rig. They were at the far end of the terminal, creating quite the back up and angry people in their tire tracks. Olivia was waving her arms wildly, Finn flashing the lights while continuing to honk. It was a sight to behold, something very out of character for people as decorated and seasoned as these two. It drove home the truth that at the end of the day everyone was a person, the job stayed at the job. Intelligence walked over feeling as if they were in a James Bond scene, in but actuality it better aligned with Brooklyn 99. The sidewalks were coated in ice and snow, the amount of people on the surface making prep work next to impossible. Each member wove their way around other people while doing their best to not slide into each other, others, or the road. Put together the waving at one end and the slipping, sliding, and embarrassed looks at the other end and you have the best reunion ever. It was Voight who made it to the van first, hugging Olivia as if they were dear friends for most of their life.

"Welcome to New York! I see you guys brought the snow with you," Olivia exclaimed to the group while opening the passenger doors. Each person got a special greeting from the sergeant. Those she met before received hugs and 'good to see you so and so,' while those she never met also received hugs and brief introductions. She was like the cool aunt that remembered everything. You could go years between visits and slip back into a routine as if you never left. Once the people and bags were secured the van slipped into traffic, the stop-and-go pace providing a perfect time to fill in the gaps. Those who didn't speak looked out the window, watching the ominous dark hue of the city grow ever bigger.

"So what's the latest," Voight began. Jay rolled his eyes before looking to Olivia. Hank was all business, never fun and games.

"Well, we're up to three live feeds. All kids in the foster system, all of them going back to child protective services. Foster parents are different and facilitators aren't linked in any way, but the pattern fits."

"Damn," Kevin spoke under his breath. It was true. The last resort for scared, lonely children was responsible for turning their lives upside down once again. It was senseless, revolting, something that only the most evil version of a human could fathom.

"When did things start happening," Adam asked?

"About a week ago. Facebook live was where the first feed was picked up on. Once the Feds got wind of things it went to the dark net. Chat rooms, third party auction sites were being used. Again.."

"-Just like the Teddy case. Feds?"

"Yeah, FBI and NSA have contracted people out. They're with us till the case is resolved."

"How do we know for certain this has anything to do with the previous case?"

"Because the person behind all of that got early release about a month ago. Overcrowding and good behavior."

"Good Lord."

"Yeah, it's not a perfect system." She scanned her audience for hints of weakness, hesitation. They were all exhausted appearing, but none gave off the vibe of wanting to back down. This one was personal, as they all were, but the history of things seemed to draw this one in closer then the others. These people would do, no, be perfect for what was in store for them.

"So, when do you guys want to start? I'm sure you're all tired and need a bit of a breather."

"Does now work," Voight snapped? Olivia beamed.

"Works for us. Let's get after it." The quote was comical because they were going a smooth and speedy ten miles and hour over some random bridge. Everyone day dreamed out the window at one of the most infamous and stunning cities of the world. But all Jay could do was repeat the three letter acronym: FBI.

…

Once they cleared the bridges and jammed packed, snow drifted highways, the interworkings of the city were a breeze. Now most of this had to do with the police sirens mounted to the roof of the car, but for the most part people weren't on the roads. The residents of the city chose the sidewalks or subway system on this fine, snowy day. Cars were parked in their place and out of the way of those attempting to drive through a snow storm. Jay loved that no one was panicking over the amount or steadiness of the snowfall. Not that people freak out in Chicago, but this city seemed to roll things off better. There wasn't any complaining or disgusting looks. People were just going about their day, allowing nothing to hold them back. He got why was this place dubbed as the ultimate test. Once you learned to let things go there wasn't a whole lot that could hold you back.

Another realization struck Jay as they pulled up to the precinct: they all were exactly same. Sure, the faces and locations were different, but at its' core it all was the same. For starters there was always someone sitting on the front step not wearing the appropriate clothing for the day. Jay noted the person on the bottom step as he grabbed his gear from the van. Once everyone was inside they were greeted by the lively and attention demanding desk sergeant. Theirs was overly snarky and harsh with a twist of selective politeness, this one was just plain loud. His voice was at max level every time he opened his mouth. From orders to calling of people in line, there was one octave: thunderous. Which is exactly what they all received as they stamped the snow off of their shoes.

"Chicago! Welcome to the city. Thanks for leaving your shoe marks on these pristine floors." If this was intended to be humorous, no one picked up on it. But that was the essence of this person. His goal was to be so not funny that it wound up working. Olvia and Finn greeted the loud man, referred to him as Hal or Dale, things being hard to hear over the calamity. There was another similarity, the activity to the place. Even in a snowstorm people needed help, directions, a place to bicker for the sake of an audience. There were the couple cops bellying up to the desk and others who were racing to do everything. Forgetting that they flown into the worst airport ever, one would think they just walked into the twenty-first. Jay loved it, took comfort in knowing the next couple of days would be spent in a place very similar to home.

"C'mon, we're on the move," Hailey motioned to him. A stiff yawn and arm stretch took place as they single filed their way to the headquarters. It was a nervous tick, a way to distract or fool himself into thinking he was anything but calm, cool, and collected. They went through a doorway and a hallway before making a sharp left hander to another doorway and hallway. Things got dark before bursting into a bathing of light. The sound of hushed voices, shuffling feet told the tale of people moving. It was hard to tell exactly how many people were in the artificially lit room, but they guessed it was more then the usual. It was the here that it happened.

"Everyone, this is Hank Voight's team out of Chicago. Some of you know them from prior encounters. Others, get to know them. They'll be helping us out till we get this thing solved." There were a handful of people Jay hadn't met before, some he recognized voices from phone conversations, but they all were second to the person in the far right corner of the room. Their upper half was bent over as they peered into a computer screen. They didn't bother turning their head to greet the newcomers, a very Erin Lindsay thing to do. As the crowd got to meet one another Jay brushed through the small crowd. Instinct, familiarity took over at this point. He was aware that he looked like some love-stricken high school dweeb but he didn't care. He had to know it was actually her.

"Nice pantsuit." She snapped her head around, a face of honest disgust before melting into exhilaration. Her hair was much darker, longer then when they last met. She aged beautifully, the New York water doing things for her. For lack of a better word she appeared more seasoned, experienced then the last time. Gone was the lost girl running amok and in an effort to do her own thing. She'd found her place, she'd gone independent. Jay couldn't have been more proud.

"Shut up, you muppet," she verbally slapped back before embracing him in a hug. For half a second he thought she'd not want to see him, hate going back to a time of her past. The hint of awkwardness was sprinkled in there as well. But as both embraced each other those ideas couldn't have been further from the truth. Both had drifted apart and were back together for a time. It was like two dear friends reuniting after a long time. She was the Frodo to his Samwise, the Watson to his Holmes. They went from separate to inseparable just like that.

"You look good," Jay blurted out. Erin, chuckled, pulling away and doing her signature scan of him.

"You seem to be okay I suppose." Jay smiled wide. This all felt so good and perfect.

"So how long are you working this?"

"Till things are resolved. This one is personal. Granted I had to pull some strings and rearrange some UC stuff, I had to do this."

"So you get to stoop down to the small people for a bit." That one earned him an arm smack.

"We're all on the same team."

"But with better tech."

"Fair enough." By now the rest of the room realized the reunion in the corner, Voight breaking things up first. Erin practically leapt at him, squeezing extra hard as she repeated how much she missed him. From there the rest of them got their moment with her, each reconnection as unique as the person. She was genuine, real, present. It was surreal for everyone to say the least.

"Alright, we've got a case to solve," Erin spoke, stepping back towards the computer and clearing her throat to speak.

"So, last feed was cut off about two hours but there is supposed to be an update in the next half hour. IP address keeps bouncing off all over the island and Brooklyn?! Still working with NSA to narrow it down. It's going to take some time but we should have something here relatively soon."

"Any idea where you know who is?"

"Yeah, got an address from his PO."

"And?! When was his last check-in?"

"Two days ago." Eye rolls went up all around the room. So much for the greatest criminal system in the world. A known child abductor and worse being given two days of freedom. We shutter at the thought what someone like that can do.

"Hailey, Jay, and Erin. Go pay a visit to Mr. He Who Must Not Be Named. Erin, go local." Jay was lost, Erin nodding and immediately breaking for the exit. Jay and Hailey had all but enough time to grab their coats and dart after her. If nothing else, New York definitely put some pep in her step. As if she needed anymore of that.

…

"Okay. I'm going to say it."

"No," both women shot back, the harshness and weight of their reply just about knocking him backwards. This was quite the trio. Old, new, and him somewhere in the middle. The past meeting the present. It was weird yet fun.

"It's freezing cold."

"Aw, you've become so weak," Erin teased. Haley rolled her eyes before turning to face the platform.

"A, we're underground. No sunlight to warm us. And B, the ever present breeze from a train isn't helping."

"I'm sorry, you're from where? The WINDY city?" Jay shrugged, pulling his jacket ever closer to his chest. It was an old myth: warm the core and the rest will take care of itself. He swore by that just about everyday in the winter. But today things were truly being tested.

"So is this what Benson was referring as local," Hailey inquired? Erin nodded, pivoting away from Jay and stepping closer to Hailey.

"It's all about blending in with the surroundings. See, in Chicago cars are normal. Something you see on the road and don't take a second glance at it. Here?! The exact opposite. With so many people not having a car and using the subway system, you see a car pull up and people tend to bolt. So going on foot for surprise visits like this is crucial to actually accomplishing a goal."

"Smart."

"She taught it to me. I was here for a couple months and was having a ton of problems getting in with anyone or anywhere. She told me I was too much like the rest of the world. New York is a different animal so, you've got to adjust."

"You too keep up," Jay asked through a shiver?

"Absolutely! I mean, we're both almost always busy. But whenever we cross paths or have a random 2am slot open we seize the opportunity." Another burst of wind whipped through the deserted train stop. Aside from a half awake college student, it was just just them on the platform, nothing blocked them from the brunt of things. Jay closed his eyes, turned his back to things. Erin and Hailey giggled over his moment of wimpiness.

"You get that there are variations of hot and cold. Like a dry heat in the desert is much different from the heat in the south. The same is true for the cold. The cold of Chicago is going to be a different version of New York cold. It's all about adjusting." Jay ignored them, refusing to follow the very logical explanation of things. All he knew was that he was freezing. No further explanation was needed. The train whistled into the station, the undetectable speech screaming at newcomers as Hailey and Erin selected a seat from the plethora of options. Jay stood, clinging to a railing much to their dislike. They wove their way through the underground network of the city, none of them having a clue what direction or speed they were going. All confidence was in the train operator and his directional skills.

Along way much wasn't spoken. The tiredness was winning out with Hailey and Jay while Erin just enjoyed the rarity of silence. In a place that never slept, this level of quiet was a once in a blue moon occurrence. Every now and then they catch one glancing at the other, but the number of words actually mumbled was no more then ten. Erin rose when the stop was called and pushed everyone off the train car. A series of stair climbs later they emerged to the most beautiful sight.

They say you should see the cherry blossoms in D.C. in the spring, tour the New England terrain in the fall, but snowfall in New York is a sight to behold; something everyone must do at some point. What the subway stop allowed them to walk into was a scene straight out the Chronicles of Narnia. They were on the Upper West Side, the park to their right with the aged residences and businesses to their left. Everything was white, pristine, and calming. Snow has a way of putting a damper on things. What was once chaotic soon becomes stunning. The noise dwindling down to ice pellets and snowflakes ever so gently tumbling to the ground. Everyone stops to take in their surroundings. Snow puts a highlight on things, paints a stunning scene of Heaven on Earth. New landmarks are created, different dimensions are traced out with the wet, white substance. Even being old pros at the snow stuff all three of them took a minute to process and admire things. The world was beyond breath taking to behold. Oh the things Jay didn't know at this time. How this moment would be utilized in the near future. But for now nothing could squash this brief period of time.

"Let's go. We've got a house to surprise," was what brought things down, reminded them of the whole reason for being out in the elements. Erin took the lead once again, Jay gesturing for Hailey to go ahead of him. From the park their location was two blocks north and three blocks west, a ten minute trek for the average person. They made their way without much discussion. Hailey would ask the obvious about Erin's job, location, and so forth, but for most of the way all three focused on not falling over and cracking their heads open.

The house was cute, cozy, the remaining Christmas wreath giving away the first hint. At some point someone was here. Either they bugged out before the unofficial date of removing Christmas or hadn't bothered to abide by tradition. Erin made the first move up the stairs, pointing at the large bundle of newspapers. Jay nodded, concluding that this wasn't going to be a simple knock and talk event.

"Is that a shoe print in the snow," Hailey pointed out? It was a medium sized impression about three to four feet away from the first step. It was too close to the house to be a pedestrian but far away enough that it didn't appear the person made it up the steps.

"Snow has covered most of the tread. Could be anything," Erin whispered. She knocked on the door, telling the false tale of being the delivery person. It was on the second pounding that Jay volunteered to walk around the perimeter. The exterior of the building was entirely brick, the dripping of mildew letting him know the place hadn't been kept up in some time. The gas meter was still attached and glowing its' usage numbers, letting Jay know someone was paying the bills here. The mystery footprint picked up about halfway down the east side of the building. What began as a print here and there transitioned to a full drag mark. It was a miracle things were still visible agains the falling snow. What was once considered stunning was now the very thing working against them. Jay texted Hailey to meet him at the back before he documented everything. While they couldn't get any amount of impressions, video evidence was better then nothing.

"Drag marks. Watch out," he told the women as he worked his way down to the endpoint, which in this case was a cellar door. Jay looked to Hailey and Erin for approval, Erin pointing at the door while she texted those back at the district of their discovery. Jay grasped the handle, took a breath, and breached. They made it as far as the third step before figuring out why the place was empty. The pictures on the floor, the camera in the far corner, evidence of a struggle added up to one thing.

"Well, we found at least one of the filming locations," Hailey obviously announced. Jay couldn't stay in the epicenter of evil another second. As the remaining members of the group ventured further in, gasping and surveying the travesty of the human race, Jay headed for higher ground. He need the fresh air, the space to think. He didn't need to see anything else. He found his motivation.

…

"Nice digs," Erin commented upon the green light illuminating off the hotel room door.

"Where did you become such a high roller?"

"Since the department was paying for this." Erin laughed in that way he'd grown to adore. It was semi-full force, the raspiness of things only encouraging him to join in the comedic. It was true the hotel was a swanky one. Nestled about a half mile away from the precinct, the place was basically a glorified bed and breakfast in a high rise. Each room was unique and the room service was spot on, a boutique hotel in the heart of New York City. The downside was that the rooms were beyond tiny, but at this stage of the day no one cared in the least. Upon returning to the precinct everyone got down to business, combing through whatever the tech team found in the basement and digging into Mr. He Who Must Not Be Named's business since exiting prison. The P.O. was interviewed and prison visitation logs were glanced over. Nothing immediately stood out, which went in line seamlessly with the first case. It was a spider's web but none of them cared if things got sticky. This menace had to be stopped, no other option was even fathomed.

It was the micro nap Jay experienced while sharing details that cued the end of the day. By quick calculations the members of Chicago had been up for a good thirty-six hours with about three hours worth of sleep in the tank. Erin offered to escort all them to their hotel and no one resisted. After all it was Erin and she was far more familiar with the layout of the city then any of them. One by one they all trudged into their rooms. Promises to hit the ground running in the morning were administered as they went their ways. Erin stuck around till Jay made it to his room, allowing herself to walk in as he threw his bag on the floor and collapsed onto bed.

"I honestly can't recall the last time I was this drained." Erin took a seat on the chair adjacent to the desk. It was enough space to give off the friendly vibes without making things weird. She watched him rub his eyes to the point of them falling out. She silently agreed, it had been awhile since he was in this state of things.

"So…"

"What." The question was there, the thing that both of them had to discuss right on the tip of both their tongues. Both of them wanted to speak while waiting for the other to start. It was a standoff in a verbal way. Jay sat up, positioning himself on the edge of the bed. It was the signal that he was ready to do this thing.

"That night."

"Yeah…look, Jay I.."

"-Wanted a goodbye hug?! No wait, didn't want one because then you would've stayed." Jay had every intention of sprinkling humor into things. It was going to be the only thing that took the bite off of things.

"I had to leave. You don't know all of what went down that day."

"I know it involved Bunny."

"There's more to it."

"So tell me. C'mon. After all we went through, you couldn't even return a phone call, text, nothing?" Erin shrugged, finding the faint design in her jeans wildly fascinating.

"I made a deal with the feds. Work for them and Bunny would walk. Yes, she was, is the worst version of a mother. But she's mine. She's all I have."

"Wait, walk on.." Erin nodded.

"So she.."

"Literally got away with murder, yeah."

"Have you talked to her recently?"

"Last I heard she was in Florida somewhere. Met the love of her life at some senior center down there. I don't know."

"Sounds like Bunny." Again, more nods from the top of Erin's head. Things were silent for a moment, Jay debating whether he should tell her about the other part, his role in that fateful day. He pondered before ruling it out at this point. This wasn't the time nor place to go that deep.

"So to answer your question, yes. I knew you'd talk me into staying when I knew I had to turn and leave. Not look back for fear of ruining everything. It was my only option at the time."

"Hhhhhmmmm," Jay joked. Erin rolled her eyes. This was delightful.

"Do you miss it?"

"Certain parts, yeah. The food, the riverwalk, the L making the entire apartment shake late at night.."

"Oh c'mon."

"And yes, I suppose you guys too." Jay smirked in victory. Even after time and life put spacing between them he knew how to push her buttons in the best way. Erin's phone buzzed on the table, her quickness to pick it up raising questions. Was it the job, life, someone else? There was a wave of jealousy at that point, which was weird considering the reality of things. They weren't together but Jay found a way to be overly curious. Erin's reply not doing much to qualm things.

"I've gotta go. And you need to sleep." She took two steps to the door before Jay was on his feet, walking behind her to the door. She stepped aside so he could open the thing, ushering her into the hallway before resting against the doorway. It wasn't going to take long for him to pass out.

"Today was…fun. Didn't think it would go as well as it did."

"Yeah, and tomorrow we get to do it all over again."

"We'll catch him."

"Yeah, after you catch some Zs. Go to sleep." There was a energy in her steps, a bounce to her footfall. Jay watched till she disappeared down the hall and around the corner. There she went once again, slipping out of his watchful and protective sight for the second time. It took Jay six minutes to ready himself for bed and five seconds to drift into sleepville. His final thought pertained to how crazy good the day had been. Oh what he didn't know was in store the following day. Life has a funny way of balancing things out. A good day all too often precedes or follows up something terrible. Life was very much like a pendulum and Jay's was in the process of swinging things in the wrong direction.

**A lot of influence is going into this story. As I previously mentioned, the Dawsey reunion is one of the things that kick started this idea. So just know that that is a measuring stick of sorts. But the other thing was the winter premiere episode of PD. To say I was disappointed is an understatement. We were teased, tortured for seven weeks and all we got were a couple of minutes of Jay whump? I was hoping for a prolonged look into this event and instead we got the redacted version. I strongly disliked the speed of things so I plan to drag things out here as much as the story allows. Have you guys figured out what's happening next? Any guesses? Easter eggs were dropped, just a tidbit. Next episode everything hits the fan. See you then!**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3- A Logistical Nightmare

**The very thing I feared the most has come true. I have been asked a few times now what this story is. What is the motivation or endgame, so to speak. Each relationship we have in our lives—family, platonic, romantic—is all serving a purpose. At a particular stage of life what we had was enough. It was what got us through things and shaped us into the person we are today. Furthermore, without that relationship in the past, we would not be in the place we are now with all the people involved. I've come to realize that you cannot open something new without closing out the past. You cannot have one foot up in the air and expect oneself to move forward. Loose ends must be tied up. Books need to be fully written, examined, and published before placing it on the shelf. It is only when this happens can we truly begin something new. That is what this story is partly about: closure. Remember, we haven't even gotten to the main point of this piece. **

**I fully understand both sides of this debate and I can relate. I tend to see things in the grey area. How each one was great in its' time. Both relationships served or are serving their purpose. Therefore, I cannot pick a side but I can certainly appreciate what each one gave to the world. I hope this clarifies any questions lingering out there and I'm serious when I say I love hearing from fans of each side. I'm doing my absolute best to toe the line, get a story across without offending any side of the equation. Just hang in there, everyone, because I truly think you'll enjoy where this all ends.**

**And now, without any further delay, lets get this going. Ready for things to go nuts?!**

What he remembers the most about this particular day is waking up, which is odd considering what transpires afterwards. But clear as day he can recall waking up that morning for two reasons. The first being that he woke up on the feet end of the bed. At some point in his overly exhausted night of rest he awoke long enough to grab a pillow, pull down the tucked in sheets, and get cozy on the wrong end of things. So when he arose to that one he was both confused and laughing over how much his body needed a break. It was in the moving on the bed that the second element of this morning came into play.

He rolled to his right all but a couple inches before he began free falling. The bed could not have been bigger then a twin sized bed, something he hadn't slept in since grade school. Not even in the Rangers was he on a bed this small. Leave to the city of New York to bring things back. Cat-like reflexes had him death gripping the footboard and feet white knuckling the sideboard. He was in a frozen fall, catching his breath before allowing the feet to complete the three foot tumble to the ground. Once he was vertical he took a moment to rub his eyes, doing his best to get himself above his current semi-conscious. Even through the noise machine and high perch in the hotel you could still hear the lull of traffic, people, life in the big city. The snow that fell yesterday had moved on to other parts of the country, leaving behind a wintery, white, wonderland and mess for everyone to work around. Car horns, sirens, shouting were floating their sound waves to Jay's window which he very much welcomed. If nothing else it told him that he was behind, the rest of the world in work mode and he was still trying to complete those initial launch sequences for the day. But his moment of realization was drastically cut off by three hard thuds at the door.

"Jay! C'mon everyone else is downstairs. Something happened." It took a dozen shuffled steps to get to the door, but soon a severely bed headed, puffy eyed Jay Halstead stood opposite of Hailey Upton in the doorway.

"What?!" She was perfectly put together. Hair had been washed, or at least brushed, and styled and she was alert. She was wearing full outer wear and looked to be a bit upset that she didn't get to sleep in like her partner. There was a hint of resentment and annoyance in her next statement.

"Another feed came up while we were all sleeping. This one actually got violent. Benson wants us at the district now."

"Okay, I'll be down in ten." She darted off, not bothering to confirm that she'd relay things to the waiting party downstairs. Jay didn't get the anger towards him, figured he was just an object she could throw those kind of things at. The shower had to be put on hold till later, opting to throw on whatever combination of clothing he could yank out of his bag and do the most basic morning routine. Flying down to the lobby awarded him stern glares and snide comments about being a sleeping beauty. Breakfast wasn't going to happen this morning either. While in its' earliest stages the day looked to be a splendid one. Time to get the show on the road.

…

"Good morning, sleepy people," Erin jokingly called out as they all breached the doorway. It was apparent that those already at the district had been there for quite some time. Coffee cups littered the desks, to-go boxes spilling their remnants over the crest of the trashcans and dangling just above the floor. All these things could be the result of poor housing, but the slumber party attire of the room told the tale of racing in in the middle of the night. Slippers weren't on a single sole but running shoes and extra comfortable clothing was enough evidence to support this theory. In an instant Jay felt guilty for being the one that got them all shooed away to their plush hotel rooms last night. Clearly they were the only ones that got some form of shut eye.

"What's the latest," Voight questioned over his incoming coffee cup.

"Christopher Passman, age eleven. He's been in the foster system since he was five. Bounced around half a dozen homes before settling in with Michael and Julie Raines. He's been with them for nine months which in this case is basically a lifetime." Olivia let a mild cough slip out, grabbing a handful of screenshots and tacking them onto the board. The pictures told a tale of escalation. It began with just him in a chair before moving to another part of the room, which is where a mysterious cloaked figure enters. The rest one simply cannot describe. It was revolting, no other way around it.

"His video began streaming at 1:14am and was picked up by NSA at 2am. Location is still unknown thanks to the ever bobbing IP address but…" Olvia threw things over to Erin.

"We have our first match. Caroline Wilson, the second victim of this prick stayed with the Raines' for two months, overlapping with Christopher the final month. Two kids within the last year being captured and tormented by this guy. Can't be a coincidence."

"Do we have an address for these parents," Voight asked?

"Waiting on the warrant…which is walking through the door now."

"Just inked by the judge. Let's bring these monsters in," Finn stormed with.

"You heard him. Everyone suit up." Tact gear was already in the vehicles by the time they got out to the parking lot. It was a nice change, having someone do the prep work for you, leaving you with the task of getting the job done. But in a way Jay kind of hated it. It was a tick he picked up in the Rangers, assembling and preparing one's weapons for battle. Only you know exactly what you need. It is entirely up to you to verify that things are in order. Plus, it's a trust thing. Knowing who got you ready is instrumental in your ability to do the job. The twitch of dislike was there but Jay knew he had to just get over it. This was a one time thing and the odds were that they wouldn't even need to fire a single round. These were messed up foster parents, not seasoned criminals on the streets of Chicago. So without saying a word about this he climbed into the van, sliding the door behind himself because he was the last guy out. A pounding on the door followed next and soon they were weaving and jostling their way to the location. A few windows would've been welcoming, awesome even. But the whole thing was about disguise. With this many people they all couldn't take the subway. So the next best option was hiding in plain sight. It was a fun layer to things and in all honestly Jay adored it, ate it up whenever he could. Some twenty minutes later the van came to a stop. The driver turned around and gave them the nod. The nod that things were clear and normal, primed for their takedown. It was here that things went haywire. It was at this place in the Lower East Side of New York that Jay Halstead would quietly and unexpectedly check out.

…

The doors burst open wide to a scene out of a picturesque portrait of winter in the Northeast. Everything was pure white. The sidewalks, the trees hanging over the road, the gates, doorways, and cars parked in the street all blanketed in drifts of pure white. Apparently it snowed all night long, the dusting they all saw yesterday just the appetizer for what was yet to come. Several feet of the precious, white substance silently fell while all went about their business. This put a brake on things. The street was silent, very much vacant of, well, anything. Two people were busying themselves with freeing their cars, but the suspected busy street in this portion of the city was silent, a little too quiet for everyone's liking. Where they in for an ambush, silent and sparse living space? They'd find out in a handful of minutes.

They all convened about half a block away from the final destination, making a point of not being seen by anyone on that particular street. Small puffs of human air were expelled as they made their way to command center. When all were together it looked to be a smoking section at the airport, but the close quarters kept everyone warm for a brief moment in time. All of them standing in their natural coupling patiently waiting for the green light to march.

"Things look good. Feds will take the lead, SUV team two with Intelligence doing perimeter. No shot unless life threatening." All looked to one another, giving those last looks of encouragement. And then, onward they went. With Intelligence taking perimeter they assumed the role of bodyguard till they reached the location. Fanning out in their normal formation, the group of about twenty people arrived with zero hesitation or limitation. From this point hand motions were utilized. Erin and her NSA counterpart motioned for Intelligence to split up, half taking one side of the building. Jay, Hailey, and Adam took a side, making their way as the others were heading towards the front door. Jay was some twenty feet down the side of the house when he heard the front door smash open, smirking at the adrenaline flowing through his veins. This was the best part of the job: springing a surprise on the criminals. He took a step, hearing floors being cleared over the radio. Another step, a second room empty. He took a step and another and was at the corner of the building when things exploded.

People often describe this as the worst headache of their life. In fact, that is a diagnostic sign of things. Because there really isn't another way to describe it. It's the best and most accurate way to paint the picture of things. One second Jay was acting and feeling totally fine, only the next second to be doubled over and grabbing his head. It felt like someone pulled the pin on a grenade and tossed it at his head. Add to that a bat or crowbar bouncing off the back of things. White hot, debilitating, nauseating pain was shooting out into his body, the head being the source of it all. He couldn't think, could barely speak, the only thing that made sense was to crouch down and grunt in dislike for the great mystery that was happening.

"Hail.." was all he could get out before going completely limp. The soothing tickle of darkness was scratching on his ear and in that second he wanted it, begged for it to take him faster. He had no clue what was happening inside and around him and for a brief moment he didn't care. Unconsciousness was rather inviting and he only hoped he'd return to a better version of things.

"Jay's down. I repeat, Jay's down!" Hailey tossed the radio to the side as she rolled Jay onto his back. She witnessed the instantaneous transition, held back and watched in fear as he walked and then collapsed. It was easily the scariest thing she'd ever seen. Nothing came from a window, door, zero threats to their security. One second Jay was totally fine and then he wasn't. Hailey tearfully realized that whatever happened was internal and terrible. He needed a hospital like right this second.

"This is a bad spot," she spoke to Adam as she felt for a pulse.

"Yeah, I know," he replied, acting as the shield and defender for the people on the ground. Hailey dug two fingers into Jay's neck, breathing a small sigh of relief as she felt a strong reaction. Whatever happened wasn't cardiac related, which actually didn't ease things. Breathing was felt against her hand, again confirming that things were strong, good. Ruling out cardiac and pulmonary issues, that left one thing; a very big and scary thing.

"Adam, it's got to be neurological. I don't know. Why hasn't he woken up?"

"Guys, we need an ambo here now! Jay's unconscious." Not knowing what else to do Hailey grasped a hand and prayed. She no longer cared about the case or the house or how vulnerable they all were right now. It was a terrible thing to say considering the situation, but it was the truth. Her partner, the one she loved and deeply cared for was in massive trouble and it didn't appear that help would reach him in time.

"Please wake up," she whispered, listening to the mad scramble of people cease operations for the sake of the fallen one.

_Fifteen minutes later_

Blinking was such a task. He didn't want to but knew he had to. Hearing was the first thing that came back, listening to the hundreds of voices asking pointless questions. No one knew what was going on but somehow thought asking would award them an educated answer. Something was touching his hand and arm and leg, all acting as beyond heavy weights that seriously hurt. The speaking had to stop, the noise making his ears hurt. So without any other option he had to wake up, which only revealed tons of faces and extra bright light in his pained eyes. Oh the headache was still there but now it was at sledgehammer level. Every heartbeat was another tap from the hammer, its' force always the same. Things were a hair better then before but Jay knew this wasn't the end of things. Certainly in the next hour or so he'd be at his favorite place in the world, whether he liked it or not.

"What happened," he thought he spoke, but in reality it was all slurred. Those closest to him raised their eyebrows, looking to the other for reassurance that Jay wasn't in the process of dying. Their looks were worrisome, not helping Jay in the least. This was when the second big symptom came up: vomiting. Before napping Jay felt the hint of wanting to throw up, but now back on earth that consumed him. His attempt to sit up got commands to lie down, but Jay shook his head as he fought back, the bile and stomach lining grazing his right leg as he pushed for a place to let things out. Hailey rubbed his back as he expelled things, waiting till he was done to make eye contact with him. It was easy to see that something was very much off. There was this thing, this look and ambience about him. He was altered, a different version of Jay.

"How far out is the ambo," she spoke to the viewing party?

"Ten minutes. The snow is really slowing things down." Erin, who was standing above everything looked around. They were several blocks away from any quality hospital. Jay didn't just need to be dropped off, he needed top notch care. He needed to be there now and they were here, basically a galaxy away from help. They needed to get their quickly, bypass lights and stop signs. That's when she saw their way out.

"Jay, can you make it to that car over there?" Jay looked through the sea of people to locate the vehicle being pointed towards, nodding at the NYPD patrol car at the end of walkway. It was a straight shot, a miraculous aligning of sorts.

"Yeah."

"Alright, get him up guys. Call off the ambo, I'll drive him." Jay was so bad off that he didn't protest when Hailey and Adam grabbed under an arm and helped him up. It was in a single step that he felt the gravity of things. He had zero coordination, no strength, he was slightly proud of himself for still being awake right about now. People were talking but he couldn't make out the words. The light was too much, forcing him to keep his eyes closed till Adam explained that they'd made it to the car and he needed to get in. Erin was barking orders into the radio, alerting all of Manhattan that she had a possible brain trauma racing through the city. Gone was the Erin Lindsay of the FBI, the Chicago PD Erin had returned to the world.

"Where are you taking him," Adam called as he held the door for Hailey?

"Columbia. It's aways but he needs it." Adam just nodded. They all realized what they were talking about, no one daring to speak such things.

"Call Will," Jay whispered. Adam slammed the door for Hailey, stepping back onto the sidewalk as Erin raced off into the heart of the city. He never felt more helpless and afraid for his friend and teammate in his life.

"How is it we make it to another city and you're still driving?" It was Jay's best attempt at making them all feel better.

"Shut up. Just focus on not passing out or throwing up again." Every swerve, stop, lane change was a deep impact on Jay. The headache was still present, but he swore it was getting better, far more manageable then before. Either he was adapting or things were improving, but really it was things getting worse. Now past the initial stage the pain, the second act was taking over: lethargy. His was disorientated, dizzy, finding any sort of movement something he had to talk himself into. For close to a mile of the trip he resorted to looking out the window. But by the time they reached the Times Square section of things his eyes were closed, reassuring them with slurred randomness that he was still awake, so to speak.

"How far out are we," Hailey asked about every other second. He was deteriorating way too fast for any of their liking.

"Almost there," she'd always reply. This went on for an assumed eternity, this weaving, honking, and questioning way of traveling. Jay remembers brief seconds of this stage of things, like blurry polaroids waved in his face. He needed help, suddenly didn't care that they'd have to utilize his favorite shiny, sharp object. This was a life and death situation and he didn't care what it would take to make it to the stroke of midnight.

…

"Do you need a wheelchair or are you going to be able to make it." Jay opened his eyes to a parking lot, which really puzzled him. They were in a city, a crammed city to be exact. Thoughts of how the hospital found enough square footage for a flat parking lot danced in his soup mind. He also thought the building looked like a mall instead of a hospital. There wasn't a cross on the top and things weren't white and there wasn't a single siren going off. This all was super weird knowing where he allegedly was.

"Jay," Hailey called, her voice surprisingly calm. She knew being out of control wasn't going to help things. With Jay incapacitated he needed clear, precise speaking to get him to things. Her single word and poignant tone got through to him, his head slowly turning as he blinked.

"I can try," he painfully replied. Erin grabbed an arm as Hailey helped him roll out and place his feet on the ground. Hailey took the left while Erin took the right, the three person unit slowly yet successfully making their way to the ED doors.

"Did anyone call Will," Jay asked as the women sat him down in a chair. He was seriously losing steam and willpower at this point. He felt to be in shock, on the verge of just checking out for good.

"I'll ask after we get you back there. Hailey, stay with him." Erin pulled a Mrs. MacAllister, elbowing her way to the front of the nurse's desk and rapping on the glass window. It's not that she didn't want others to be helped, but a quick glance around the waiting room told her Jay had to go first. The room was a mass of colds, flus, and snow shoveling accidents. They could wait the couple of minutes it would take to get Jay in the back.

"Hey! I have a possible brain trauma. He needs to get back there like right now." The nurse at the desk rolled her eyes, thrusting a clipboard in her direction and pointing at the first available slot.

"We have a waiting list. Just fill out the paperwork and wait." Erin's response was toss the clipboard back at the woman and smile. There wasn't a world where she wasn't winning the spat.

"Two words: brain trauma. Here are two other words: police detective. If you don't get him back there in the next ten seconds I will make life a living hell." She glared, not blinking or budging an inch as she the nurse looked past her and towards Jay. He was slumped down in the chair, hands nestled against his head as Hailey placed and hand on his back. A sight of misery, a bigger scene of danger.

From here things started moving, picking up speed as people began to figure what was going on internally. A wheelchair was rolled into the ED and Jay didn't protest, in fact, was up on his own and in the seat before either woman could coax him over. It was a short trek to the trauma bay, essentially a curtained off spot in the place. Jay was moved from wheelchair to gurney, the first of many hospital tags snapped on as they took a history and basic information. The suddenness of his onset of symptoms were alarming, but initially things were written up to a concussion.

"What's the pain level at right now," the ED doctor asked?

"Eight," Jay spoke without hesitation.

"Alright, we'll get you a shot of pain meds and then get our neuro guy down here. Hopefully you'll start feeling better soon." Ah, there was the magic word: shot. The small amount of color left in Jay drained out of his face as the curtained was pulled around the bed. Erin smirked as Hailey reminded Jay that it was going to help. Jay begged himself to pass out again, wanting to be out of it when the day's smallest dip into skin happened.

"I'm sure this is just because I haven't eaten anything," Jay blurted out as the nurse plunged the vial of drugs into his arm.

"When did you have the worst headache ever from missing a single meal?"

"Yeah, and who vomits from not eating?" Jay didn't a chance to respond because it was at this point that the lifesaver entered the picture. Now to the outside world he looked like a dweeb, stand-off guy that intentionally wore non-matching things. But in all honesty he was a brilliant mind with a terrible sense of, well, everything else.

Doctors, particularly surgeons, have this reputation of being either weird, cocky, socially awkward, or all of the above. This story's doctor is named Fred. Right off the bat he's different from the norm. He was no more then forty, barely above five feet seven, and was wearing cowboy boots with scrubs. Speaking of those scrubs, they were the bright shades of purple and yellow in the world and were polka dots and stripes. He had Avengers and Batman pens tucked in his doctor coat, claiming that he didn't want to offend either side of the comic war. He looked like a third year med student, but it turns out the guy was a world renowned neurosurgeon whose specialty was clipping.

"Jay Halstead?!" The drugs were already kicking in. Oh the pain was still there but life was mellow just a tad. Better explained, tell Jay he had to receive a dozen injections and he'd have held his arm out.

"Yeah," he replied while squinting against the harshness of the guy in front of him.

"Oh good, this is the third curtain I knocked on and it was starting to get embarrassing." Erin and Hailey looked to one another, Erin feeling incredibly guilty for dropping Jay off at the looniest hospital in the city. So much for it's prolific reputation.

"So what happened," he spoke while waving a penlight in the eyes, Jay immediately squinting and grunting from the pain.

"I was fine and then wasn't. This headache came out of nowhere. It's the worst one I've ever had."

"Ah, there are the magic words. Any dizziness, nausea, passing out?"

"Yes, for serval minutes," Hailey butted in.

"And vomiting when he regained consciousness," Erin added. Dr. Fred nodded his acceptance of their input. The penlight was put away and an iPad housing Jay's chart was frantically typed on. After a few nods, huffs, and one sided conversation, a plan was in place.

"Alright, so here's what we're going to do. We need an MRI with contrast to confirm but I'm firmly confident you have a brain aneurysm and based on the symptoms its' ruptured."

"What." It was a deadpan answer. Jay wasn't buying the joke from the hospital clown. He was awake, alert, alive. Something else had to be going on.

"But he's still awake," Erin spoke, seeming to be reading Jay's mind.

"That's a bit of a misnomer. There are many cases where people who have a brain aneurysm never regain consciousness, but it's quite common to experience one and still be alert like he is."

"What's the treatment."

"Surgery. We go in, clip the aneurysm and finish draining the rupture and clean up the area."

"How likely it is this?"

"99 percent sure. The scan is just to locate the area honestly. It's a good thing you got here as quickly as you did." A nurse poked her head into the area, Dr. Fred giving her the green light to get Jay prepped for what was about to come next. Erin and Hailey were kindly asked to leave the area as a hospital gown was handed to Jay. One by one an article of clothing would be thrusted into the open area, Erin and Hailey leap frogging the collecting task, stuffing everything into a clear bag. They watched as the parts for an IV were brought into the space, small chuckles and sighs slipping out as they listened to Jay nervously talk through the insertion. A couple more sounds and movements later the curtain was opened enough for them to return, revealing a very different form of Jay Halstead. His socked feet were sticking out through the blanket tossed on him. Erin and Hailey could count on one hand the number of times they's seen him in a hospital gown, an IV in his arm, and him halfway between lying flat and sitting up. He was mesmerized with the thing in his left wrist, a finger hovering over things like he was afraid to touch himself. He was scared, unprepared, most definitely not well. That was when it really started hitting. Jay was on the verge of a massive thing and there wasn't a ton of time to process.

"Yeah, it's in there. You won't feel it after awhile. Plus you'll be asleep for a lot of the time." Jay deeply inhaled, pulling himself away from the arm and turning his head straight to the ceiling.

"We're in New York," he spoke after a moment.

"What?"

"We're _in_ New York." Hailey took a seat on the end of the bed. She wasn't sure if this was another sign of the aneurysm—loss of mental awareness—but she hoped that wasn't the case. The thought of him entirely inept was going to be her breaking point.

"I don't get it."

"We're here, not at home. I don't know these people, this place, I'm sure recovery is going to take awhile and I'm stuck here. Will's going to freak out because he's not here. Oh man, the case… This is just a logistical nightmare."

"Jay, can you for once not worry about stuff. You are not alone. We're all here and will help you through whatever you have to go through. And I'm sure Will is going to be on the next flight out here. You're going to get through this."

"This really hurts," Jay replied. It was the one time he cried through the entire thing, and even then it was a small amount of tears. Erin took a sleeve of her jacket and brushed his face clean, hugging him as the nurse came in to announce that things were ready to go. Jay lead the way, being pushed by the ED nurse and someone from radiology, with Erin and Hailey in tow. The group of people made it to the elevators before the second surprise of the day arrived.

"Sorry, but this is it till things are done."

"I'm sorry?"

"Once we're done with the scan he's going to pre-op and visitors aren't allowed. It's all to keep him as stable as possible." A warning would've been splendid, some mention of their banter in the curtain being the final time for Lord knows how long. Erin stepped aside for Hailey to bid farewell. Had she known that was it she'd have let Hailey go first. She saw the signs, knew the reality of the situation. She wasn't the only person in his life anymore. It was a natural thing. One can only hold onto the past for so long. At some point you have to keep pace with the present. She watched the two of them hug, Hailey whispering something that made him smile. It was obvious they were close.

"We've gotta go," was told as the elevator opened in front of them.

"Is my phone in the bag," Jay asked as he was pushed into the car.

"Yeah," they replied together. He nodded, ever so gently resting against the pillow behind him.

"We'll see you on the other side." Jay did his best to reassure them, a single wave and smile as the doors slid shut. That was it, the crossroads for the day. It was the last time he'd see them that day.

"C'mon. Everyone else is here and they're going to want answers."

"Is it awful that we're not crying," Hailey asked? Erin offered her a hug and she accepted. She wanted to cry, scream, feel something at the moment. But it never came, just numbness.

"One step at a time. He's in the best hands and we got him here in time."

"Are you sure about that?"

"We don't have a choice but to hope." Their audience was waiting, their worried faces bouncing around the glass area of the ED doors. The waiting game had arrived. Ready or not, it was time to get comfy.

Meanwhile, Jay was fully under the wrath of it. He didn't feel when they arrived at the radiology floor nor he did he notice the transition from gurney to scanner. Things were closing in, vision truly going in and out and the sound sensitivity creeping ever higher to unbearable.

"Here's the contrast," the radiologist told him and he didn't even react, welcoming the bitter, metal feeling taste to his mouth. The pain was back up to a ten, its' high pitch whine making his eyes practically vibrate in their sockets. Something was shoved into his ears, the outside world exiting as the inward filled its' place. He felt the rattling of the machine, winced a couple of times when the sound crested that pain threshold. Every click was another phrase displaying in his mind. Brain surgery. Brain aneurysm. Brain dead. It was a fun hour in the confined MRI tube.

…

Sharon Goodwin could be called the grim reaper of bad news. When one truly boils things down from a doctor's perspective, she's the one responsible for delivering bad news. Whether it is was a bad review from a patient, an inquiry from a fellow doctor, or just plain bad news about the outside, it was Sharon who delivered the verbal blows. She was the principle of the place, the office you never wanted to visit because nothing good ever came from sitting in her chair. There's a reason she is situated so far away from the action. It was an out of sight, out of mind thing. No one works well when the sternly observing person in charge is breathing down your neck. They all knew she was there, somewhere in the building, but people were fine going days without a visit from her. Today, this unspoken fear of the woman was ever true.

Will was in the middle of an ice pick extraction. He drew the short straw for this one in a way. With the ED packed and boards stacked a couple feet high he just grabbed one without even reading it. There was a mental slap to the head as he pulled the curtain back, revealing the pick in the most senseless spot on the human body.

"I fell on it," says the patient as Will stands there dumbfounded. He wanted to laugh, wanted to pull a page out of Jay's book and get down to the root of things, but instead chose to inspect and order scans. He was on the receiving end of many sympathetic looks and butt related remarks, absorbing it all with the reddest face ever. Curses to him, lesson learned to read before storming in.

"And it's out," he spoke under his breath as the object was tossed into a clear bag. The patient's wife was in the middle of scolding him for his 'carelessness' when Maggie stuck her head in the room.

"Will, Goodwin needs you upstairs."

"I'll be done in a second."

"She says to get up there ASAP. Choi is taking over for you."

"Hey doc, I didn't complain." Will rolled his eyes. It was too early for him to already be in trouble. He'd only seen the one patient and he was unconscious the entire time. Gloves were yanked off and an extra dose of hand sanitizer doused on his hands before exiting.

"What's wrong," Will asked as Maggie walked him to the elevator.

"I don't know. It can't be that bad. Just smile and take it."

"Yeah, thanks," Will replied as the doors closed between them. It was a silent ride to the office, Will enjoying the peace and quiet of the moment. The administration floor illuminated on the screen and the quiet operator voice announced, 'floor seven, admin and billing department.' In prior visits to this area of the hospital Will must've been consumed with something to even notice that. No joke, this was the first time he ever heard that voice and that phrase together. He cocked his head in weirdness before making the slow stroll to the massive corner office. He noted the places under Sharon, the floor seeming to be arranged like the administrative tier of the hospital. Managers and chiefs were at the front of the floor, the deeper you got the more elaborate the titles and names became. He arrived at the heavy mahogany door, noted the placard of Sharon Goodwin, and knocked.

"Come in," calmly came from the other side. The lack of anger or negative tone was promising. Will swallowed as he grasped the handle and turned.

"Have a seat,Will," she spoke, pointing to the couch adjacent from the chair she resided in. This was a first: she was nervous. Hands were brushed over her skirt as Will walked over. As he sat she sat up more, leaning over as if she was about to deliver some super blowing news. That was when Will's mind drifted elsewhere. Someone had died, someone from his past had come back. Whatever it was, something bad happened.

"I'm going to make this quick because we don't have a ton of time before things get going."

"Okay?!" Will was completely clueless and very much terrified.

"Your brother suffered a brain aneurysm this morning while working a case in New York. He's at Columbia and being prepped for surgery."

"Wait, what?! He's not in New York."

"Just let me finish, alright?" Will nodded, inducing the initial stages of shock: shaking and disbelief.

"I just got off the phone with the surgeon and he says the aneurysm ruptured and he needs emergency clipping. The FBI is preparing a private flight for you to get out there as quick as possible and they're sending a car here. With the snow in New York flights are cancelled and they want to make sure you get there before Jay's done."

"Hold up, the FBI? New York? Sharon, there's got to be some mix up."

"When was the last time you talked to your brother?"

"A couple of days ago. We've both been busy and so.."

"-Voight was the first to call me about the situation. It's all true." A knock on Sharon's door interrupted Will's reply, Natalie sticking her head in the room.

"I have the bag…Will."

"Yeah." In that second Will was delighted to have such a detailed person as head of the hospital. She didn't just make sure Will was able to get to New York, she went the extra step and had a bag packed for him. Granted it also meant that someone had broken into his house and rummaged through his things, but it was the sweet thought that counted.

"The car is here," Sharon spoke as she scrolled through messages on her phone. She was the first to stand, opening the door for Will as Natalie took up the back. The three of them got on the elevator and rode down to the main entrance. Sure enough there was a black SUV with two guys standing outside the vehicle. This looked like a mod order, or some twisted hostage exchange in a movie. Sharon, Natalie, and Will stood just outside the sliding doors while the two men didn't budge on their end. They were in a bit of a standoff, one party waiting for the next to go. This went on for about a minute, the FBI guys opening the passenger door for Will as a sign of good faith, something to put trust in him.

"Update us," Natalie whispered while giving Will a hug.

"Yeah, of course."

"Tell Jay we all say hi and we're pulling for him." Again, more promises out of Will as he stepped back. He scooped up the overnight bag, noting how incredibly sturdy and jam packed it was, before turning to his warm ride. Will realized he'd done this march before, this being whisked away to parts unknown. The stranger thing was that it basically involved all the same people. He was in a de ja vu moment and it was just as uncertain and scary as the first time. He turned to face the sendoff party, making it a point of mentally saying farewell to Natalie. The funny thing was that she realized the same thing, nodding and mouthing for him to get in and go. Will didn't even get a chance to buckle his seatbelt before the vehicle launched into road.

It hadn't hit him yet what was going on. One second he was pulling something out of someone's butt, the next second his ass was being escorted to a mysterious location. Oh, and let's no forget the whole part of his brother about to undergo emergency brain surgery. Surprisingly he wasn't nervous or freaking out. He was calm, level headed as they flew through the city via Lake Shore Drive.

"Which airport," he asked his captors.

"Midway. Plane's just about ready to go. We've got a window of travel before the storm picks up again." Will just glared out the window, watching his fellow travelers drive glumly down the road and wishing he could be like them. Just once, he wanted life to be completely and utterly boring.

…

Did you know that Midway had a private section to the airport? Nestled away from the commercial area is a small hanger, home to the private planes of the Chicago elite? Will wasn't aware either until today. It all felt very much like a Tom Clancy novel. The black SUV raced onto the tarmac at speeds Will didn't want to find out. The car came to a halt at the nose of a rather impressive black private jet, large enough to house a whole apartment building. It was weird that something grand was being used for a single person. The FBI agent that was in the passenger seat was out and opening the door in record time, Will feeling very out of place in a ski jacket and scrubs. It dawned on him as he did the march to the steps that he didn't even change out, the thought hadn't even crossed him. Flight attendants were standing in a single line, welcoming him by name as he took the steps two at a time. This was both weird and something he could get used to. He was halfway up the steps when his phone buzzed in his hand. He felt its' vibration twice against his hand, assuming it was the first of a million texts he'd get over the coming days and weeks. But it was the ID on it that had him stopped just inside the doorway of the plane.

"Jay?!"

"Hey." That was when Will started breaking down. In that single word he got it all. He heard the pain, noted the altered state of his brother. Will deeply inhaled, both relived and scared that he was getting a phone call from the man of the hour.

"How are you feeling," he spoke through choked tears.

"Dude, don't cry or I'm going to start crying."

"Ugh, sorry," Will laughed, holding the phone away as he recollected himself. It took a couple moments and a seat on the extra plush captains chairs, but before long he was back on.

"What's going on? Are they trying to control the blood pressure?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Did they do the IV already?"

"Uh huh."

"Well get ready, that won't be the last one."

"I don't even want to think about it." Will laughed, even in the face of death his brother was ridiculous over the smallest thing.

"Well you'll be out when they're put in so you'll be fine." There was talking on the other end, Will fairly confident Jay was on the phone against instructions not to. But he wasn't surprised, his brother was never one to abide by the rules.

"I'm sorry, Will."

"Hey, don't be sorry for anything. Stuff happens. It doesn't matter where you are, I'd drop anything for you."

"Okay."

"I love you, Jay. I'll see you when you wake up."

"Okay." Will could clearly hear people telling Jay to hang up. The heart monitor was a little elevated for Will's liking, but it certainly wasn't in a dangerous range. More then anything it was Jay being nervous, his body telling the world what his mouth wouldn't. There was commotion, things moving around the phone and Jay answering questions with single words.

"I'm going to hang up," Will called before hitting the red button. The flight attendant instructed him to buckle up as the plane rocked into motion. He felt the bumps of the concrete runway bounce things up and down. He wasn't the best of fliers, so the window was his escape route. Mentally he bid farewell to the city as things reached light speed, Will reminding himself to breathe as the wheels ceased their grip on the world. He was off the ground, en route to a place of his past. He prayed the return flight home would be a party of two.

Returning to Columbia, indeed Jay was told to hang up because Dr. Fred was venturing into the room, wearing the same scrubs but had switched out the cowboy boots for crocs. Yet another terrific fashion faux paw on his part.

"Alright! Let's get that aneurysm busted." Jay was so not in the mood for humor. He totally understood the guy was trying to make things better, but nothing was helping.

"Did you give him the relaxant?" The nurse shook her head.

"Alright, so that's just the stage we're at. Any questions?"

"How long is this going to take?"

"At least three hours. It depends on a lot of factors like bleeding and accessing the aneurysm, but three hours is the minimum." This is the part where things really go in and out. The relaxant must've been given while he was speaking because during Dr. Fred's response was when Jay was really floating. Life, the world was blotches of things. He felt the right side of his head being marked for incisions, recalls being pushed up against the OR table and placed on top. Vision was blurry but the final thought of the day was a recap. As things were inserted and connected for the operation it dawned on Jay that he woke up this morning, went to work, and was now in the process of undergoing brain surgery, in that order. Brain surgery, like where they remove a portion of hair before cutting and drilling into your skin and skull only to fiddle around the brain's vascular structure to clip something that was slowly killing you. Try taking all of that with grace and calmness. If he could, he'd have leapt off that table and run, but there was too much on and around him for that to be feasible. That and he signed his rights away for a bit so that really but a brake on things.

"Countdown from ten," someone whispered in his ear. Jay was so out of it all he doesn't know if he said anything. He heard the command but has no clue if his mouth ever actually moved. He kept blinking over the large clear mask, accepting the heaviness of the gas as it wafted into his body. He blinked twice before he was gone.

…

_Two hours later_

The wind was pounding their backs, the tail end of Winter Storm Helena leaving the residents of New York City with wind burned extremities and necks. Jamaica Bay wasn't helping things, the calm and vastly open bay was acting as a wind tunnel, allowing very little drag between the sky and ground. Landing a plane in these twenty-five to thirty mile per hour bursts of wind was troublesome for any pilot. The sky had ceased its' snowing operations, leaving a few scraggly clouds behind. The whole sky over cast, casting a dark grey hue on the world. This area of the airport was quiet. Mostly because it was JFK which has far less traffic, but also because of the truth that was taking place in a room somewhere far away from this current location. It felt wrong to be speaking, inappropriate to shoot the breeze and talk politics and whatnot. A life was being spared, undergoing something radical. Out of respect they were silent, just absorbing the stiffness of the day, fortunate to be where they currently where.

"I'm sorry, Hank" Olivia finally broke when he glanced down at his phone. She was grateful the device went off, the silence having gone on far too long for her liking.

"Thanks," he replied, dumping the phone deep into his pockets once again.

"That was Erin asking if Will had landed." His female companion smirked, turning her head back towards the runway. She peered her eyes at the runway for the pin drop of light to finally breakthrough. It was very true that things became a logistical nightmare. With a man down everything had to be shuffled around. The entire Intelligence unit was camped out at the hospital until further notice. No one blamed them for their sudden departure from the original plans. In fact, their dedication to one of their own was inspiring. But that left a rather massive void. Units out of the district were called in, sped up with what was going down before they took off into the streets. Erin reluctantly went back into the field. It pained her to leave Jay behind but the reality was that she was no longer a member of the team. She was a high ranking member of this case, a federal agent who answered to people above SVU and Intelligence's pay grade. She was an agent first, friend second whether she enjoyed it or not. A compromise was struck: Olivia would escort Hank to the airport and help retrieve Will before Olivia caught up with everyone. Once that happened Erin was free to hang out at Columbia for however long was needed.

"Good news, the Raines have been located and are on their way back to the district. This plane better hurry up and get here. I've got some suspects to interrogate."

"Yeah, have we heard why they're twenty minutes late?"

"I'm sure they've had to circle a couple times. It doesn't take much to back things up. Plus, the wind. They've gotta wait for the right lull to drop down. Aren't you from Chicago?" She nudged Hank's shoulder, which got her a rolled eyed response and him moving off the door of the black SUV.

"Could it be," he asked while pointing at the quickly descending, expanding blob of light from the north. Sure enough a massive dark colored plane touched down, make the sharp turn towards their hanger and squeaking to a halt. The seasoned officers stepped closer as the door opened and starts cascaded to the ground. By the time they reached the bottom a disheveled, red eyed Will Halstead stood at the top of the steps. He was still in scrubs and look to have rolled his head on the floor of the plane the entire flight. As bad as his brother was today, Will was giving him a run for his money.

"Sergeant Benson, nice to see you again," he greeted once he was on level ground. She replied with a, 'good to see you,' as she embraced him with a warm, comforting hug.

"We're all pulling for him," she spoke as Will pulled away.

"Thank you. Hank?"

"Will, welcome back to New York."

"Ah yes, you lived here for a while."

"Yeah, through med school and worked in the city for awhile."

"Well, I'm sorry the reunion isn't under better circumstances."

"Yeah. Are there any updates?"

"No. Clock was started at 12:16 and as far as we know he's still under." Will glanced at his phone, sighing as it displayed 2:34. They were just passed the two hour mark, so many dreaded hours to go.

"Shall we head to the second unmarked car of the day?" Will was truly trying to make things light, push himself out of the dark depressing hole he was falling into. Hank nodded and ushered for Olivia to head back into the hanger. Very much like in Chicago, two men were standing outside the black SUV, one ready to jump in and drive off while the other already at the back door and waiting to open it. Olivia took a window seat with Will in the back and Hank on the seat closest to the open door. This driver made sure to ask if everyone was buckled, but in no time they were off.

This truly was the first time Will was in New York since returning to Chicago. That dash out to Chicago so long ago was a spur of the moment, rash decision on his part. No joke, he packed his bags, took the next flight out to Chicago, and never looked back. Once at Jay's place, that was when he sold the apartment, car, whatever valuable he had ownership in. He wasn't sure why he avoided this place, perhaps the failed relationship and business endeavors, it wasn't in him to dwell on the past. But this wasn't how he ever wanted to return, stack another bad memory on top of the ones already in his life file. He was silent as they made their way through the busy highways connecting the boroughs. It was all about absorbing, accepting that this was the reunion card he was dealt. Plus, he was headed back to his alma mater and there had to be some level of excitement in that, in a weird way.

"How was the flight," Olivia asked?

"Good, bumpy, kind of wondering how the FBI got involved in all of this."

"The case we're working on. We have an agent of theirs working with us and they pulled some strings."

"Nice. So did you guys see him before he got to the hospital?"

"I was inside with my team, Hank was on the other side of the building, but we saw him after it happened."

"Hailey and Adam said it happened at the snap of a finger. One second he was walking around the corner and the next he was on the ground in pain."

"Okay. Hey! Don't turn right there or you'll be sitting for at least an hour on the bridge." It was second nature, barking out orders from the backseat of the car. Live in New York for any amount of time and you pick up this habit pretty quick. Will was just surprised by how fast it all went back to that. Olivia and Hank smirked, turning around to face him with looks of surprise.

"Sorry, habit. I did this trip like a hundred times while in school. Could probably do it in my sleep."

"So you went to Columbia?" Will nodded.

"Ah, I didn't know that. So this will be interesting." The remainder of the trip was quiet. Will kept switching from one window to the next, readjusting to the high stakes gambling that is driving through New York City. He'd forgotten that you have to speed or you die. The crazy driver that swerved through three or four lanes at a time was eye opening. It was amazing how quickly he forgot this way of life. Before long they cut into the city, way off Will's mental map. He wanted to protest but thought otherwise. No need to tick off the FBI agent guiding him to Jay.

Twenty-five minutes after exiting the highway the car came to a stop, a familiar face was standing at the curb waving them down. Olivia got out, the two women exchange comments, and before Will was ready Erin was occupying the now empty seat.

"Erin?!"

"Hey Will!" She reached behind her, hugging as best as she could in a moving vehicle.

"Wait, FBI connection."

"Yeah."

"Well, thanks for the flight and car and other car."

"Absolutely. I knew commercial flights were going to be crazy and you needed to get here. It pays to have favors floating out in there in the world." Will didn't want to ask, was simply grateful to be where he was at this point. The vehicle tore through the city, lights and sirens the whole way. What usually should've taken forty-five minutes took thirty-five, the ride coming to a screeching halt at the main entrance.

It truly was a throwback to the past. Will had spent many an hour lying on the floor of the doctor's lounge, reading textbooks under a flashlight. Close to a million hot dogs were downed at the cart at the east corner of the property. Sure enough, Will looked over to that spot and found the same hot dog cart and operator that was there practically a lifetime ago. He was going home, to the place where it all began for him. It was both a joyous and nervous moment in the journey.

"C'mon, they moved everyone to the OR waiting room."

"Neuro OR suite?"

"That's a thing?"

"Let's go, I'll show you guys." It was like slipping on a familiar pair of shoes. Without breaking stride Will knew exactly where to go and all the shortcuts to get there that much faster. The only holdup was checking-in and acquiring a visitor pass, but even then Will knew which stations were quicker then the rest. Sticking with his gut paid off. Opening the assumed location of the waiting party awarded him a sea of hugs, well wishes and apologies. It was like reuniting after a long trip away from home. Everyone made this unfamiliar place feel homey and comforting and Will was overwhelmed with the gesture of it all. He took his seat in the middle of the group. Glancing at his phone showed Jay had now past the three and a half hour mark. How far left to go was completely out of Will's hands.

…

The door opened well after the sun went down. Food trays and shifts changed happened right outside the waiting room door. Those inside could hear the commotion of people moving and smell the sickly good scent of hospital food. But they didn't move, fearing that that would be when the news came down. Bathroom breaks were tagged teamed, two people going at a time while being timed to be back in X number of minutes. It was a tense time, a humors and dreadful waiting game. But at 7:14pm the lifesaver broke through, startled by a person on the other side.

"I thought I recognized the name Halstead."

"No way," Will spilled, his mouth hanging open out of surprise and shock.

"You're still working here?"

"Here and there. The kids still need to be whipped into shape every now and then. It must've been fate that had me on call today." Will looked around to very lost faces, none of them getting this small reunion of doctors.

"Sorry guys. This is Dr. Fred Flamelin. He was my teacher during my neuro rotation here. At the time he was hated by everyone but honestly he's the best in the business." Some 'ahs' and 'ohs' trickled across the way, but Will didn't linger long on it. Jay, today was all about Jay. In time he'd get to reconnect with the rest of his school.

"So, that was a fun case. Your brother did indeed have a ruptured aneurysm and it was still bleeding when I got in there. I was able to get it clipped and control the bleeding and that all looks great. However, as you are aware I like to look everything over and when I did I found a second aneurysm. This one hadn't ruptured yet but it was enlarged and could've burst at some point. I figured Jay would rather have one long surgery then having to do this all over again. So…" That one got a few chuckles and head nods. They were laughing at a post-op brain surgery report. This guy was incredible.

"Outlook," Hailey inquired?

"Well, he's going to be out of it the next couple of days. Certainly tomorrow he won't remember much because he'll be asleep. Probably after day three he'll start coming around, able to talk and remain alert for a little while. We're going to keep him in the NSICU for about a week and then start discussing if he stays in the hospital or goes home. Have you guys figured out living accommodations?"

"We're still working on it," Erin replied.

"That's fine. We have some time. So other then looking out for vasospasms and doing neuro checks four times a day I'd say he's going to be okay. He got incredibly lucky considering his case." They all agreed on that one, head nods and grunted agreements filled the room as Dr. Fred rose from his seat.

"Will, do you want to go see him? They've probably got him set up already." Like you had to ask twice. Will was at the door before he knew it, just about jumping in place to finish this trip. And then he realized he wasn't the only one in the room.

"What about…"

"So hospital policy, no visitors until twenty-four hours post-op. He's not entirely stable and we don't want to overload him with noises." They all were disappointed for obvious reasons. Will hated that he didn't have any serious pull at this place.

"I'll FaceTime you guys as soon as I get in there."

"That's fine. We've got stuff we've got to do anyway." Another round of hugs and several well wishes later the two doctors were sauntering down the hall and towards the elevator. Will chuckled at how unchanged the doctor was from the last time he was in the presence of this man. Before the Avengers and Batman memorabilia was boy bands and Lord of Rings versus Harry Potter. The coloring of the scrubs might've been a different shade but the horrific patterns hadn't been messed with. He was a clown, a nut job but his work allowed things to slack. No one wanted to mess with what worked for the artist. The elevator chimed the arrival of the floor and Fred tip toed down the hall. This area of the hospital was stupid quiet, Will's subtle sneaker squeak making those not in the rooms to jerk their head in the direction of the sound. Will understood why everything was how it was, but living it and knowing his brother was being effected made things a tad spooky.

"Before we go in," Fred whispered.

"He's not intubated. When he took him off the anesthesia he fought the tube pretty quickly. Fluttered his eyes for a second before falling asleep."

"That's good," Will whispered back.

"He does have a drain so we need to watch that he doesn't pull it out in his sleep. And finally…" Fred pointed to a sign on the door that read, 'needle phobia.' Will wanted to laugh, cupping his hand over his mouth to stop himself.

"One of his female coworkers said something. So don't mentioned the 'needle' word around him."

"Yeah, I know he's my brother. I had to live with that."

"Ookie dokey!" A thumbs up came first followed by the door sliding open. Will noted the feet touching the foot of the bed before he took that first step in. He was in the situation now.

People were still getting Jay situated, but it was him under everything. The spoken of drain was the first thing that Will noticed, the red hue of the small tube solidifying that his brother indeed suffered two burst aneurysms today. Most of the head was under dressings and tape but his face as so peaceful, completely relaxed. But the combination of everything else—the IVs, monitoring devices, central line—proved the tall tale that Jay underwent brain surgery today and so far was living to tell the tale.

"Hey Jay," Will whispered while taking a seat next to the bed. He took a hand into his and gently squeezed, remembering the brain surgery side effect of low body heat. He requested another blanket and it was delivered in seconds. Fred announced he'd be back in the an hour to check-in and a nurse placed bedding on the couch for Will. At last, after hundreds of miles and hours of waiting, the craziest day was finally, mercifully, coming to a close.

"You're doing great, Jay. I'm proud of you," Will spoke. Another once over, a gentle nail scratch on an arm, and it was time to bring the rest of class into the reunion.

"Remember, don't talk too loud," Will spoke as he guided the phone away from him and towards the bed. Jay would one day hate knowing this all happened, but it didn't matter. There were a lot of sighs for relief, people pointing out things on him before remarking at how out of it he was. Will was running them through stats and what everything attached was when Hailey kindly interrupted.

"Um Will, he's awake." Will turned around to a day dreaming, barely above sleeping Jay. He wasn't making contact with anyone and wasn't moving. More then likely a bodily reaction to the sound change of the room.

"Hey, everything's fine just go back to sleep." It was like speaking to a computer. Jay gave his little world a half smirk before dozing off. Everyone beaming at the sight of a drugged miracle.

"He's going to be fine," Hailey said.

"It's going to take awhile but yeah, he'll be fine. Alright guys, I've gotta change and then keep an eye on him."

"Sounds good! Tell him we're thinking of him and we'll see you tomorrow."

"I will. See you guys then."

**So I wasn't kidding when I said I was going to drag this process out. So who was surprised?! Did anyone see it coming?! Next chapter is going to be fun. Can't wait to share it with you. Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4- Devil in the Details

**Welcome back, everyone! This chapter is going to take a turn away from the case and focus on Jay. Because, you know, WHEN A BELOVED CHARACTER IS HURT WE WANT TO SEE HIM INSTEAD OF A CASE! Sorry, that slipped out. I'm still upset about 7x10. I have issues, I know. Anyway, in time we'll return to the case, but this one is mainly going to focus on those first day or so post-op and the outside world's roll in things. Also, this won't be as long as the previous chapter, I promise. Are you ready?! Let's go!**

"I don't even know what size he wears. Medium? Large because we don't want it to be tight?" Erin looked away from the stack of folded shirts, smirking at a frantic and concerned Hailey. She'd been there, done that act before.

"Honestly I don't remember."

"Why don't we just call Will and ask?"

"NO! That would ruin the whole thing." Adam took a step back, perplexed by the force of resistance from both of them.

"Well it's that or we break a hotel door down. Wait a minute, why aren't we just getting his bag from there and dropping it off?"

"Because he didn't pack anything comfortable or appropriate for a hospital. Plus, he's going to be here for a bit and he needs more stuff." They were standing in the middle of the Nike store on fifth avenue. It was almost closing time and the three of them stormed in with stored energy and a massive shopping list. They all felt bad for the employees, but in the moment it felt they didn't have another choice. During the six and a half hours of waiting Erin was struck with Jay's comment about being in New York, away from home. Apart from the backpack he brought with him on the flight, Jay had nothing. No clothing, no shoes, no bathroom essentials, no place to stay once he was discharged. She now totally understood why he was so enamored by his reality, vowing to make this place feel as close to homey as she could. She told the plan to Hailey who instantaneously agreed to assist. The two of them would work together on operation 'work out the details.' Will needed to focus on Jay and everyone else had a case to solve. The two of them loved the idea and were ecstatic to work together. It had been a minute and both wanted to bond with the other equally. However, it wasn't till they walked into the first of many stores that they felt the weight of their undertaking.

"Just call him," Adam calmly suggested again. Hailey reached for her phone and selected the ID, tossing the device to Erin.

"You'll word it better then me." Erin nodded, cradling the phone against her ear as she thought through the ask without giving it away.

"What's up," Will answered on the second ring? It was showtime.

"Don't ask any questions. What size clothing does he wear?" She couldn't come up with anything better. Adam walked away laughing while Hailey was suspended over another pile of stuff. Erin just shrugged.

"Okay?! I think it's medium."

"Can you check the bag?"

"Yeah, give me a sec." Will in his sloth-like maneuvering rolled off the couch and rose, every adjustment ending with him looking to the bed for a response. When nothing happened he kept inching closer, locating the clear bag and gingerly pulling it out to his sitting position. With hands acting as tongs Will pulled out items one at a time, gawking and inspecting them like it was a contaminated piece of evidence. A stank face may or may not have been worn as well. After a few minutes and a billion checks of the bed, Will returned.

"Shirt is a medium. Pants, apart from jeans, would be about the same."

"Okay, so hypothetically would you go up to accommodate stuff?"

"Pants, yes. Shirts are fine as long as they aren't long sleeved or tight."

"And shoe size?" Will dove bag into the bag, wincing at the plastic seemed to make the loudest noise yet.

"Ten."

"Ok, great thanks. We'll see you tomorrow." Erin hung up before Will could say anything, handing Hailey her phone before going on as if she hadn't been the worst spy ever.

"If you wanted things to be said like that.."

"It's been a day."

"Amen to that," Hailey spoke under her breath.

"Alright, medium for shirts, large for pants but we should probably get him a couple of mediums for when he leaves. No long sleeves or tight clothing and size ten shoe. Let's hurry up before they kick us out." Once the details were known shopping became a breeze. Each person took on three outfits. A lot of critiquing and tweaking but in forty-five minutes they had more then enough items that Jay would ever wear. Then they moved to shoes which was a nightmare in and of itself. They debated if he'd need slides or sneakers, shoelaces or some form of a slip on. Then there was design and coloring and not to mention what went with everything. After three returns Adam gave up on assisting, realizing he was the sidekick/bodyguard/opinion when asked. In the end they chose slides and shoes, tossing all their items on the counter to a vision of hatred and disgust for being as inconsiderate as shopping well past closing time. But hey, it was all for Jay so none of them cared.

"Oh crud, I just realized he needs a bag for all of this."

"Is there any place open right now?"

"Yeah, a couple. But they're across the park," Erin groaned. The lack of sleep was catching up with all of them. Remember, Jay got the most amount of sleep the night before. Everyone else was hovering around three or four while he got six. In a way Erin she was jealous, wishing she was in a hospital right now catching a few Zs.

"It's fine. We'll get it done." The Nike employee announced a total large enough to cause a heart attack. I won't reveal the number but it was five figures. Erin handed over a card without reacting, all of them grasping the five bags and racing out the door.

"Bathroom supplies. There's a Duane Reade around the corner." Three abreast they marched down the sidewalk. Nightlife in New York is so different from that of Chicago. In the 900 foot journey between Nike and the next destination, Hailey concluded that it was this time that the city truly came alive. Back home everyone is home and under covers at 8pm. Here, the streets are packed with families going out to dinner, young twenty somethings dressed in short, glittery dresses that are much too incorrect for the weather. It felt like this place was designed and ran in conjunction with the moon instead of the sun. She was enamored by how different life ran, yet it all worked out. It wasn't her scene, her thing, but she absorbed it all; staring straight up at the trees and giant buildings much to the other two's amusement.

"And we're here," Erin announced as Adam reached for the door. He was instructed to sit by the front door with the loot while they wove their way through the three floors of the drugstore.

"Alright so toothbrush, toothpaste, face wash, hairbrush, I guess?"

"They only took a portion, not all of it…I'm guessing" Erin lovingly joked. Hairy smirked at that one, appreciative for her efforts to make her feel better.

"So shampoo and conditioner as well?"

"Does he use conditioner?"

"He does now." With a smaller list the shopping wasn't quite as long as Nike. The whole thing took ten minutes and soon they were back on the street. A quick taxi drive later they were at Columbus Circle, shopping for bags and debating over everything. Backpack or traditional bag. Too big or too small. Adam was the mannequin, runway walking with humor as the women over analyzed everything. Eventually they went with a backpack that could double as an enormous suitcase, the amount of stuff they purchased being the deciding factor. All three could've been characters on an episode of Gossip Girl. To the unknown eye one would've thought Barney's or Saks was having a semi-annual sale. There wasn't any free space on their arms, bags stacked high enough to block their view of the world. Navigating the sidewalk to their warm and waiting Uber was a feat, but they smiled through it all; sighing relief as they made their way to the hotel.

"Adam, start removing tags and mess stuff up a little. We don't want to completely give away that we just bought everything."

"Um, how else would we have gotten all of this?"

"Just do it," Erin retorted, glaring at him before laughing.

"Alright, I already started looking at a few places for them. I can't decide between a condo or an apartment. I don't know if we should find a place with a bedroom on the main floor just in case he doesn't want to go upstairs?! Hailey, what do you think." Erin looked up from her phone to see Hailey glued to the window. The emotions she held back all day long were wanting to come out. The twinkling lights of the world outside were inviting, distracting, but becoming blurry. Hailey refused to let it all out, remain silent in a stranger's car, but that didn't appear to be working. She so much as sniffed before Erin tapped her shoulder, leaning over the space between the seats and hugged her. The cries were deep, heavy, enough to make the driver worried.

"Should I pull over?"

"No, it's fine," Adam replied. Hailey's sobs only got worse which made Erin choke up.

"He's going to be okay," she whispered in Hailey's ear.

"I…was…a jerk to him. And then all that happened."

"He's fine. I'm sure he knows you didn't mean it."

"Still." Erin pulled her away, smiling at the puffiness of the eyes, the true look of sorrow and worry on her face. She knew the feeling all too well, could picture herself way back in the day. It was in this moment that she knew, the fairy godmother role would have to land on her shoulders.

"I think we all need some sleep tonight and tomorrow will be a lot better after we see him." The car stopped at the perfect position so that it was a straight shot to the door. Erin got out first, holding the door for Adam, Hailey, and the copious amount of items now in their possession.

"So let's keep looking at places," Hailey commented as she opened the hotel room door, keeping it ajar for Erin to come in.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, this is helping a lot. Plus, umm, I don't really feel like being alone right now."

"Hey, I get it. Whatever you need, I'm here." So over a glass of wine and room service burgers and fries they bonded. The clock striking midnight was ignored as they debated room decor and floor plans that were tailored to recovering brain surgery clients. Obviously, the task is easier said then done.

…

Hailey and Erin weren't the only ones not getting sleep that night. Will's grand total of sleep ranged between thirty minutes to two hours. He really isn't sure the number of times he dozed off, but each instance was only for a few minutes. He spent most of the night staring at Jay, adjusting things, or creating worst case scenarios in his head. Even when he knew that everything was fine and calm, he'd close his eyes and envision waking up to a dying Jay. It's a tad ironic that the person having had to the worst day ever was the one perfectly and completely sound asleep. Everyone else in the sphere of involvement was doing the suffering.

As explained by Dr. Fred, Jay's first twenty-four hours would see a massive load of sleep. With the motherboard of his whole being reacting to being cut open and messed with for several hours, it's understandable that he would need some shut down time before truly rebooting. But the night wasn't a completely silent, uneventful one. Before the sun rose Jay's resurfaces were dubbed as 'greeting cards.' The loving term was coined because of his one sentence denouncements on the world before passing out for several hours. The following stories are from day one. Oh how lucky Jay is that he wouldn't remember any of this time.

Things truly died down after Will got off the phone with Erin. People were done coming and going and the first of several neuro checks went perfectly. Will was sitting on the couch, day dreaming into nothing when the heart monitor picked up and lights began flashing above Jay. For a split second Will felt the puke coming up, his whole body feeling one giant shiver. And then he noticed that Jay had moved his head, landing on the incision side. The alarms weren't that he was in trouble but merely in pain. Will removed himself from the couch, stopping at a side of the bed and readjusting.

"Hey you," Will whispered when he saw the eyelids flutter. Jay looked up before gazing straight out, as if he was doing his best to grasp his location.

"Did they do the surgery yet," the smallest, raspiest, tired voice called to no one?

"Yeah, it's all done." Will was about to ask another question but exhaustion beat him to the punch. Jay was sound asleep, small snores coming out at every exhale. Will rolled his eyes, begging himself to follow in his brother's footsteps. As he took his place on the squeaky couch he was delighted that Jay's memory seemed to still be in tact, the very first thought pertaining to the very last moment. This dance of rolling the head to the right happened countless more times throughout the night. Will didn't mind, was pleased to get the steps in for the day. But this wasn't the only time things had to be tweaked. Dr. Fred's warning of watching for unconscious arm movements came to fruition in the very early hours of the morning. While harmless to Jay, life was all but scared out of Will.

So as elaborate and high tech as the NSICU was, there was a massive design flaw: the bathroom, or a lack thereof in this case. One could reason it's because family members, people apart from a patient, weren't supposed to live in the room. The floor was designed to be quiet, calming, and sleep inducing. The extra dark curtains, the above normal room temps, the additional insolation are all items used to enforce this vision. If a visiting family member needed to stay long, there was a bathroom down the hall and around the corner. So every bathroom call, every toothbrushing and clothes changing Will would have to take this trek past all the rooms and nurses. At first he hated leaving Jay, but before long it became a race, or he requested for someone to stay with him. So it was in this run to the restroom that the minor yet major thing went down. It was just past 2am, the whole floor eerily quiet.

"I'll be right back, Jay," Will told his sound asleep brother. He wasn't sure why he said that, a habit probably. Will internally smacked himself as he slid the door open. On the balls of his socked feet he slid down the slippery floor, waving to the nurses who so much as grunted their acknowledgement. He turned the light on, cowered under the powerful florescent lighting, and brushed his teeth while humming some stupid song. It's amazing with sleep deprivation does to someone. Two minutes later he was back to sliding on the floor. At first he didn't notice, walking into the room and glancing at the bed before putting stuff away. But in all honesty try observing someone in a nearly dark room. But something, some voice said to check on Jay a final time. He raised the light but a notch when he saw the blood stain and trail dripping down the side of Jay's face.

"What happened," a nurse calmly called as she broke through the doorway. Apparently Will's frantic antics were enough to call the calvary. The once dimmed lights were on full blast, the room now cascaded in pure white. It looked like a remake of a room in Heaven.

"He's bleeding from the incision and I think he pulled the drain out." It was at this moment in the story of things that the incision was revealed to the world for the first time. There was no warning or questions of readiness. With a still passed out Jay under the careful hands of the nurse, layers of dressing were pulled and cut away in no time. It wasn't that Will hadn't seen a craniotomy scar before, but the knowledge that it was Jay's head had his eyes watering without realizing it. Will's hand was still on the drain, doing his best to not pull the thing out anymore. He couldn't stop staring, torturing himself even more. It was an elongated C, starting right around the top of the head before semi curving down and behind the right ear. Indeed a good amount of hair on the right side had to be removed, all for the purpose of access and sanitizing. There were so many staples, Will not bothering to count because he'd lose all sense. It was big, bleeding, and a smack in the face. At some point things would fade and everything would go back in its' place. But tonight, or this morning, it was a lot to absorb. Using a forearm Will brushed the tears dripping down his face, sighing as he couldn't look away.

"Dammit, Jay," he whispered.

"If you want to step outside while we get this cleaned up.."

"-Nope, I'm staying with him. It's just.."

"-A lot. Yeah, it's totally understandable."

"So push the drain back in, reconnect the line and suture?"

"We need to do an x-ray first to see how far out things are and he ripped a staple out so we'll have to put another one in."

"Why not stitches?"

"We can ask the doctor but there isn't enough room for that, I don't think."

"Ok, I'll keep holding this." Will remained the human plug as people and machines were brought into the room. The on-call doctor was some young looking guy that didn't appear to have the experience and knowledge that Dr. Fred had. It wasn't that he was inept, he just wasn't the master of all things aneurysm clipping. Will helped set up things for the x-ray, gently raising Jay's head as they slid a board under him and draped the metal top over him. Things were let go as the machine rattle and snapped the picture before Will sprung back to his place. A few seconds later the news came down, not being overwhelmingly terrible for the first time in twenty-four hours.

"So it doesn't look like it was completely removed from the spot, we should be able to slide it back in and re-staple where it was being held in."

"No stitches."

"Yeah, sorry. We'll completely numb him so it shouldn't be that bad for him."

"Just the sound is going to scare him." The doctor shrugged, both of them realizing there wasn't much they could do. Once the x-ray was removed the tray for things was brought in, Will closing his eyes at the sight of the massive surgical stapler. Treatment towels were placed around the work site and the line was cleaned off and sterilized. Will was free to release his grip on the plastic line.

"Ah good, the line Dr. Fred placed on it is still there. We'll know exactly when to stop pushing it back in."

"Great." Will wasn't in the mood to hear these things. He was on the left side of Jay, holding his hand as things were prepped for reinsertion.

"On 3 we'll go. 1…2…3." The tube moved but an inch before returning to its' place. But the movement must've been painful because as the lidocaine was being injected into the site Jay suddenly woke up.

"Hey."

"What happened?" Will looked above Jay's eyes as the stapler glinted in the light, Will slowly exhaling as he gripped Jay's hand tighter.

"This is going to sound awful." Without warning the thing went off, its' sharp crack into the side of the head forcing both brothers to jump. Will kept apologizing while Jay was clearly in shock. The stapler went off a second time, that one really ticking Will off. He shot a look at the doctor who chose to ignore the laser beam going his way.

"It's done. Everything's back in." Jay drifted off, Will wanting to ball over his brother's unwavering attitude of not caring what was happening. Once the medical instruments and clean up items were removed, the streak of blood on the side of the face was wiped away. Will noted the blood and saline all over the top part of the hospital gown, knowing Jay wouldn't want to sit in that for long. It was gross, let's be honest.

"Hey, can he get another change of clothing?" The nurse seemed to be well ahead of Will, turning around as Will spoke with the very thing he had in mind. The white gown with dots and other weird designs was being swapped out for a plain blue one. She got as far as pulling the sheets down to his waist and unbuttoning the top that Jay woke up. This time however he jumped, he whole body tensing like some attack was about to happen. He immediately went to Will with the saddest puppy dog eyes in the world. He may have been incapacitated from the drugs and altered brain, but he still knew when privacy was being invaded.

"I think he wants me to do that." It's this weird thing, having a family member help you with stuff like that when your sick or injured. For some reason we think family seeing us in that raw, exposed state is better then a stranger. Perhaps it's because one thinks they won't be judged, or that it's a familiar face. But when you're in that situation you know and you get it. Will didn't have to say anymore, that vibe was shooting out of Jay and onto everyone who wasn't a Halstead. With offers to help if needed, the room cleared out. Will closed the door and pulled the privacy curtain around the bed before continuing.

"It's just me in here. No one can see, okay?" Jay was so out of it, his eyes huge and glassed over from whatever pain meds and surgical drugs were still in him. He didn't react so Will just kept going. His pace was slow but hurried. He figured Jay didn't want to be on display for ever and ever but Will had to make sure nothing else was ripped out in the process.

"I'm not looking, everything is fine," he kept telling him as he removed blankets, sheets, and gown last of all. It was stunning yet horrible picture of the human body. Will counted at least ten monitoring leads scattered on Jay from the waist up. There were the IVs in both wrists, arterial line in the left forearm and central line just below the collar bone. Then there was the device at the end of the torso snaking out to a bag on the side of the bed, Will knowing Jay would hate that when he was more coherent. Things trailed out at the feet, socks on the feet and circulating boots on the ankles to keep blood flow going. Two things struck Will: the amount of monitoring deemed necessary when the brain is down for the count, and what could be done to a patient in six and a half hours when given full access. Will threw the new gown over Jay, tucking the sheets back in before pulling him forward to snap things in the back. When he returned Jay to the pillow he was crying. Not a lot, but a few drips of tears every other second. Will got it, wiping under the eyes as he sympathized. He wasn't a fan of this either, feeling Jay's pain of losing dignity, privacy, and all ability. But it was where they were at the moment and Will vowed to make things as bearable for all of them as possible.

"It's fine. I didn't see anything, I swear."

"I left dishes in the sink." Will bit his lip, trying so hard to not laugh. His brother was being sincere and he didn't want to laugh in his face. But alas, a giggle or two may have come out.

"That's fine. We'll take care of it when we get home. I love you, Jay. You're doing really well right now." Jay so much as blinked and smirked before returning to the dark world for awhile. It would be his last rising for quite some time.

The events of the last few minutes, hours, and entire day struck Will all at once. He scooped up the bloody gown and balled it into his hands, his whole body convulsing and shaking from the force of emotions flowing out of him. He was scared, relieved, anxious, and unsure what was coming next. They were so fortunate to be where they were, the series of fortunate events within the unfortunate day too incredible for Will to fathom right then. He bent himself over on the chair and sobbed for a good long time, feeling a new level of depleted when breath was restored to him. He handed off the article of clothing to the nurses, ignored their looks at his very red face. A quick tip toe back to the room, a dimming of the lights to near pitch black, and then he collapsed onto the couch and pulled the blankets high. It was 3:23am, the moment Will's body finally allowed him to drift peacefully to sleep.

…

The couch was one of those scratchy, cloth surfaces that was next to impossible to get comfortable on. It wasn't a plush, soft leather one that you sunk into, more like you adjusted to it. There wasn't a comfortable position on it, after a few minutes your bum is numb. But when you're running on a couple hours of sleep over several days, it might as well be a Sleep Number bed. However, when you leave your phone on the end next to your head and forget to turn off the vibration, things come back to bite you. It was this buzzing sensation that woke Will much later that day. Oh he'd felt the sensation at some point earlier in his dreaming stage, but this time the buzzes were more consistent and constant. A single eyelid pried open as he groaned his introduction to the day. It was in the second eye opening that he noticed people, two to be exact, by Jay's side. That one had him upright in no time.

"What happened."

"Ssssshhhhhh," they replied, pressing a finger to their lips. It was Fred and a nurse, both looking well rested and already having a day. Will glanced down at his phone to read 4pm. He'd slept twelve hours, more then half the day gone. Fred motioned for a nurse to take a rather large syringe away to the hazard bin, motioning for Will to follow him out the door. Something indeed happened since the last encounter. Will couldn't place his finger on it, nothing obvious standing out. He was still sound asleep, head still turned away from the surgery side and wearing the same thing Will helped put on. But it was in the pass by that he saw the earplugs, there was his difference. Only when the sliding glass door was completely closed did Fred begin his whispering speech.

"We had to put another sign on the door." He pointed to a fresh, florescent sign under the needle one; this sign reading 'no speaking.'

"When I checked on him at eight he complained that his ears hurt. He said any noise wakes him up and was like a nail being driven into his eardrum. It's a fairly good case of sound sensitivity but par for where he is. We're getting ready to take him downstairs for another MRI."

"Ok, are you going to knock him out for that? If he can't handle whispering he's really going to hate that level of noise for an hour."

"We can give him the relaxant but he really needs to be alert for this."

"Ok. What about visitation. I've got a few million unread messages I'm sure asking about when they can see him."

"Let's see how he is after the scan." Fred got the message that things were clear, all too soon a crowd of people were grabbing the bed and wheeling it out of the room. Will just went along with things, not stopping till someone noticed that he wasn't supposed to be there. It was in the elevator Will realized Jay had an NG tube, perplexed that he missed that for as long as he did. He waved to Fred before pointing to the tube. The response was a whispered, 'while you were sleeping.' Will rolled his eyes, nothing was ever serious with this guy, expect in the OR. The elevator was de-boarded and soon the circus was working their way through radiology to the MRI scanner. It was in the transfer that Jay resurfaced, squinting under the power of the new-to-him lighting.

"It's just a scan," he heard someone say, nodding as he absorbed the pain of their voice. He felt to be made of mush, movements coming much later then he commanded them to. His sloth-like speed prevented him from moving, succumbing to the world and whatever it was doing to him. His final thought before diving into all of this was that everything was there to help, and that was exactly what he thought as he disappeared through the tube and into the machine. Things were quiet in here, a little cocoon filled with warmth and darkness, something he welcomed at this stage of things. However, this was interrupted by thunder erupting over him. It's unexpectedness and persistent pounding felt to be cracking his head open once again. Jay absolutely hated it, the pain level spiking at record rates. He vaguely recalls saying something, what exactly it was he doesn't know. But whatever he said worked because that very familiar feeling of floating and blacking out was back. The thunder was still there but Jay cared a little bit less.

It was about three fourths of the way through that the nausea kicked in. What was once pain transitioned into the desire to throw up. It began as a whisper, something that was an idea he thought might happen. But as the minutes clicked off and the snapping above didn't cease, that notion became what was going to happen. He fought, really tried to stave it off till they got him to a room but alas, he made it as a far as being pulled out of the machine to let it all out. The extra bright light being the final nail in the vomiting coffin.

"Oh crud," Will spoke in the observation room. Fred looked up from the scans, an unfazed expression on him as Will bolted out of the room. Will saw the stuff come up, saw Jay's head snap to the left as he relieved his stomach. By the time he got in the room things had died down, the damage very evident on his face.

"He threw up through the tube," a nurse whispered, Will nodded in empathy.

"You alright?" Jay nodded, blinking away tears as he coughed.

"Is it the pain?" Again, another nod as Jay closed his eyes against the light. From here it was operation clean up, beginning with Jay and working their way to the floor.

"I think this might be a hospital record," Will teased while he assisted Jay in changing out gowns once again. Jay didn't react, clearly still in that immobile, really out of things stage. Once Jay was clean the NG tube got switched out, which was a chore in and of itself. Jay hated feeling the thing run up his throat and through the nose, but despised the new one going back in even more.

"Let's get him another boost of pain meds and a dose of anti-nausea medication," Fred remarked as Jay was wheeled back towards the elevator.

"So the scan was pretty good. There's an area of concern but I think with the medication and rest he should be ok."

"What's the concern?"

"There's a spot close to where the aneurysms were that's very slightly narrow. Most people wouldn't even notice it."

"But you did," Will pridefully cut in. Fred took a bow, which was odd yet right in line with him.

"So, visitors?"

"Tell them to come at dinnertime. Bring food so he'll have something to strive for." And with that, Fred walked away in a fancy pair of dog slippers today. Will concluded he was the most interesting man in the world.

…

The elevator doors opened with the wafting of cheese pizza greeting Will before any of the people. You'd think they were feeding an army, or rather large group of people, but instead it was just the members of Intelligence. Yes, it was so cliche to eat New York style cheese pizza. But as the saying goes: 'when in Rome…' Adam was carrying two of the four pizza boxes, Kevin carefully cradling the other two. Hailey was slinging a plastic bag of Coke bottles and water while Erin was hunched over from the weight of the world's largest backpack. Hank somehow got out of all the carrying duties, being the first to hug Will while the rest placed things on the ground. Their reunion was as if they hadn't seen each other in a lifetime, when in reality it had barely been twenty-four hours. But for all parties, so much had gone down that it truly felt to be years since their last encounter.

"How's he doing," each person asked in their own way. Will always replied with the same thing: 'holding.' Once everyone got their moment with him he took a step away, guiding them to the entrance of the department before giving the rundown of the place.

"So silence is super important up here. Don't talk when going by rooms and speaking can't be above a whisper. I'd suggest taking shoes off here so walking isn't all that loud. No one cares, I've done it all day. Jay is still out at this time. He's been asleep for most of the day which is great right now. He had a pretty interesting night last night so he's feeling it today. Also, he's got a really good case of sound sensitivity. Earplugs are in but he's still bothered by the machines and monitors in the room."

"How long will he have that?"

"Fred thinks at least another couple days but we should start to see some amount of improvement in the next day or so." For some reason their minds collectively concluded that Jay would be fine at this stage of things. Sure, he'd be loopy and off but he'd be awake, talking and asking when to leave. The report one day out of surgery proved just how serious things were and the journey still required before the Jay they knew returned. They'd all be lying if they said they weren't nervous, which was weird considering this was Jay.

"Ready to see him?" Their faces perked up, nodding their heads before slipping shoes off and walking a single line to the room. Curiosity had them glancing at rooms as they past, each scene just as heartbreaking as the last. Selfishly they didn't think Jay should be here. He was bad, but not this level. It was the horrible yet accurate mindset: luck. Someone else was always in a worse situation. The members of Intelligence grateful that they were visiting a recovering Jay, not a surviving one. However, as Will slid the door open and ushered them all in the reality hit. He was different, small, altered appearing. With the amount of tubes, wiring, stuff in and around him, for the moment he was a stranger, some scary being that was portraying Jay. As people put things down the natural next step was to approach the person of the hour. At first they were hesitant, thinking it was weird and wrong to inch closer to a sound asleep person.

"It's fine. He's really out," Will finally whispered, acting as the verbal floodgates. Hailey lingered the longest, gently taking the right hand into hers and just holding it. He didn't even smell like him, the perfumes of a hospital, surgery, and lack of bathing blocking the familiar scents to exist. At his position she concluded he looked peaceful, pain-free and dreaming of something. She wanted to call his name, say or do something to grab his attention, but instead she chose to sit and absorb. Everyone else took their assumed couple minutes with him but it was Hailey that remained. Only the opening of a pizza box did she pry herself away.

Dinner was food and a show. Without the ability to speak, conversing was dwindled down to miming. Slices were playfully and over-exaggeratedly ripped out of their circle and into people's mouths. Coke bottles were opened a smidge at a time, the purchaser of the drinks kicking themselves for selecting such a loud beverage. Everyone laughed without the noise, each person licked their overly greasy hands before the orange slime reached the pristine floors. Those who spoke just above a whisper were awarded a round of arm smacks, jerks towards Jay who wasn't effected by any of it. The half hour was so fun, exactly what every person needed. Even if Jay wasn't in the middle with them, they were all together for him. When the boxes were cleared and bottles placed back in the makeshift trash bag, Will took to the phone. Texts about the day and prior night were sent to the people inches in front of him. Adam forgot to turn his ringer off, the loud ping of the notification had everyone gasping; even more noise added to the room. Will looked over to Jay who kept snoozing the evening away, beyond proud of his bro for letting the drugs work.

They all sympathized with the story of the drain, gagged at the MRI vomit incident, and then sighed when Voight showed them a text from Olivia. Their once free night was now busy, a stakeout and eventual take down awaiting their arrival. Dinner was dumped off on the boys and the women gave Will another hug before waving at Jay. Erin was the last to leave, pausing outside Jay's room and watching as Will slid the door shut.

"The massive bag is his," Erin whispered.

"It has everything he needs for the next month at least. Clothing, bathroom essentials, everything he needs is in there. Sorry it's so heavy." Will truly wanted to cry, balling his fingers into a fist and pressing it to his lips. This was such a surprise in the best way possible, a good one after a sea of bad.

"You didn't have to," he replied while collecting himself.

"Yeah, I did." Will offered a hug and she allowed, noting that the two brothers hugged the exact same way.

"Thank you. Seriously that's awesome and I know he's super grateful."

"Of course."

"Psst," came down the long hallway, the call from the impatient ones.

"Have a good night. Tomorrow?"

"I'll text you guys." Erin tip toed extra fast down the hall, nodding and pointing for people to go as she reapplied her shoes. She noticed that Hailey was the last to board the elevator, her face one she knew too well, had worn countless times during her CPD years. It was time to switch hats. Tonight she wasn't the fairy godmother to Jay and Will. She would be therapist, prying into the world of Hailey Upton's mind and doing her best to point things in the direction they needed to go. Best of luck, Erin.

**So this chapter wasn't as long as the last one, but a lot happened still. Yes, things got a little graphic I guess you could say, but it all was done to make points. Nothing crude or gross was intended in them, simply wanting to show the nature and realistic life of a recovering brain surgery patient. Also, next chapter we'll be returning to the case just a little bit and we'll finally see Jay more awake! Can you guys guess what's going to happen in the next chapter? I hope you guys like it. Thank you for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5- A Teddy Bear

Things came much sooner then Erin had anticipated. Conversations of this nature needed timing. Enough time allotted for one to practice what they will say, come up with great points to sway their audience in their direction. But most importantly one needed time to know when to start firing away. No one likes to be pushed, especially on the subject of love, but since fate brought the two of them close for a very extended, freezing period of time that night, it appeared as if life wasn't going to give Erin the chance to collect herself. It's the humorous or evil part of life, however one wants to interpret that. Sometimes you just have to hang on for dear life, praying your actions don't do more harm then good.

They were at a mostly sketchy apartment complex, teams of three or four stationed around the building with groups at every exit. Fortunately for them the place was hopping at night. People coming and going with more money or items in their pocket then when they ventured in. So much illegal activity went down, a lot of it feet away from seriously undercover cops and detectives. Countless times someone would radio if they needed to break things up, but they were always redirected to keep their eyes on the prize. If anything out of the norm went down, their chance of capturing their main target would evaporate, no tell if or when another opportunity like this would plop into their laps. While the members of Intelligence did their dinner and mime show, those back at the district were punching in that overtime for the tenth night in a row. Since the capturing of the Raines things slowly began to evolve. As is the case in most cases, money won out. So long as they funneled children to the real perp, they were paid their state money and them some. They were persistent in their hatred for the crime, but the money was too much to resist. It was in the three hour interrogation that they spilled of the routine. The Raines would take in a child, house them for a couple weeks at most, and then the shuffle game commenced. Every house drop-off was as unique as the child, each location cornering a different speck on the plains of New York City. Sometimes they would remain in Manhattan, other times they were in the heart of Astoria. There really wasn't a pattern.

Fortunately for the case, a slip up occurred a few hours prior to everyone camping out at the dive apartment complex. Another video broke through the world wide web, this time the exterior volume up just a hair too much. Using the sound, lighting, and height outside the windows, the tech lab brought them to a location in the heart of Queens. Give Olivia Benson, Hank Voight, and their crews a morsel of a crumb and they'll trace it till things show up. So that is where we find them now, shuffling on their feet and constantly grumbling about the freezer like mood to the place. The snow and ice was pretty in the day but became cooling systems for the night. Every blast of wind was like a kick from a ceiling fan or ventilation system. It was pure cold blasting them in the face, which honestly was the only thing keeping them all awake at this point. It was nearing 3am by now, Erin sighing as she noted the look of worry in Hailey's eyes. Her moment had arrived.

"You know if anything changed Will will be the first to let us know."

"I'm sorry?"

"Look, Hailey, I know that I'm the last person to take advice from, but…it's kind of obvious."

"What's obvious." Erin was taken aback by the tone. It wasn't completely harsh and rude, but there was a defensive nature to it. She wasn't sure if the weather, tiredness, or abrupt departure from Columbia had something to do with it, but Erin kept going.

"You and Jay." Hailey sighed, rubbing her eyes as she rested against a brick ledge.

"We're just partners. And I wish I could be there for him. Help him."

"I get it. I've been where you've been."

"Nothing has happened."

"But…do you want it to?" Hailey looked off into nothing, the question seeming to be the first time she truly had to ask herself that very thing. Certainly she loved him like a brother, a coworker, or friend. But the events of the last few days definitely had new things surfacing. They clicked, they worked, and she hated that they were currently apart.

"I don't know. I don't think he does." Erin rolled her eyes, half laughing before standing to keep herself from freezing in place.

"You can blame me for that. From the get go he pursued me, even when Voight told us to stop or one of us was going to leave. In all honesty it took me a really long time to get to that point of wanting to take things further. But when it happened…it was great, really really good. It all worked out. Do I wish I had done something sooner? Yeah, of course. But things were different. I'm going to guess with the way we ended things, and then I took off without warning, he was hurt by that. So if he's not showing any sign of wanting to go down that road, I'm sure I played a role in that."

"I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with all of this."

"Don't waste the time and opportunity that you have. Just tell him how you feel, but maybe not right away."

"Yeah, he's got a lot going on right now."

"Yeah…when the time is right, you'll know. I think you might be surprised. But don't take the ex-girlfriend's advice." Hailey smiled at that one, chuckling as she bent her head into her chest, the wind picking up for the billionth time.

"I mean, it's only my job to read people and from the small encounter we've had, I've seen stuff." Hailey didn't look up, kicked her foot against the brick wall. She didn't want to admit it, but silently was relieved they had the conversation. There was always the hint or small idea that they'd clash. But talking to Erin now was like being given the green light, the approval to advance however she pleased. In a weird way it was a sisterly, mature adult woman conversation and one that she very much enjoyed.

"Thanks, Erin."

"Anytime. Just because I'm not there doesn't mean I don't want what's best for you guys. If there's anything we have learned through all of this.."

"-Take advantage of the time you have."

"Exactly!" Their earpieces sung a high pitched tune, letting them know what was about to happen. For the most part it had been check-ins, but this moment things felt different.

"Guys, we've got a light on in the apartment. It flickered but no doubt it was our location."

"Alright guys, everyone move in. Take it a flight at a time. Be methodical but don't tip people off. Go." Erin and Hailey began in their section of the lobby, making sure to hold up at the right places and make eye contact and normal movements around the residents. At this early hour most of the people awake were not going to remember them. They were smoking their prized work or downing a paychecks worth of booze. They'd nod or make snide remarks at them, but Erin and Hailey just brushed it off. If only they who they were speaking to. It was on the ascent that the act let up. With no one on the steps they were clear for smooth, fast running to the very top floor. A few head bobs and slow crawls later, they were at the location.

"We have movement on the other side," Hailey spoke just above a whisper. Both women stood at an opposite side of the door, making sure their feet didn't create a shadow along the bottom. As they waited for the others to catch up, it was clear that whoever was inside was nervous. The pacing of the feet was fast, short, went back and forth for a certain length. Every now and then a grunt or inhale would slip out, hints that someone was at their limit or on the verge of tears. The light that flashed on before was completely off now, but stare at the edge's of the door long enough and you'd pick up a phone flashlight every minute or so. Whoever it was was walking the perimeter of the place.

Before long hands touched Erin and Hailey's shoulders, the cue that they were present and ready to bust through a door. Hailey looked to the group before gripping the handle of the gun in her hand, turning to Erin and nodding that she was ready. It was at this moment Erin found herself at a bit of uncertainty. With so many teams and departments behind her, who was she to enter as: the FBI, NYPD, Chicago PD. Shaking her head she went with the first thing that came to mind.

"This is the police, open the door!" A scream broke out on the other side, the pitch making the criminal sound incredibly young. As Hailey kicked the door into the place everything internally crumbled. The 'perp' couldn't have been more then fifteen years old. He was scared out of his mind, hands in the air as his body collapsed in terror. The full force of everyone suddenly dwindled down to comforting this strange person. They'd seen this act before, things hitting too close to home for Erin. It was Teddy all over again, a scared, innocent child under the full power and siege of a monster.

"I'm going to check the other rooms," Erin mumbled under her breath, not bothering to hear if anyone noticed her sudden departure. The apartment fell right in line with the rest of the place: crumbling and in its' finale. For starters there was no heat, Erin able to see her breath proof of that. The walls were painted at one time, but time and wear from other guests allowing for things to peal, rust, or show evidence of mold. As she went room by room the amount of furniture became less and less. Prison looked better then this place, this location certainly being unfit for a child. She found the recording room, pausing just enough to make sure it was empty before moving on. It had been a day, a good week at this point and staring at that for a moment too long would have her in a heap on the floor. But it was the far left corner of the place that brought things to an emotional halt.

Inside this bedroom was a mattress barely big enough for a crib. On top of said mattress was a thin, dirty blanket covered in holes. The pillow could barely pass for a bathmat it was so thin. But in the corner of this makeshift bed was a bear. It's coat was soiled and arms stretched as if someone tried to remove them. But the bow on it was perfectly clean and tied, a sign of love and affection in the midst of all this darkness. Someone, some very small person turned to this for comfort and somehow the two of them were separated. Erin so much as clutched the item in her hand before losing it. A child was exposed to the cruelty of the world far too soon.

"You okay," Voight asked at the doorway? Erin collected herself, unaware that she had a visitor. She nodded, reassured that everything was fine before rising and heading to the door. Hank glared at her in that fatherly way he always did, letting her know that he didn't buy what she was trying to sell.

"I'm taking this with us. It'll help us with interrogation or something. I don't care at this point." Hank nodded, taking her in for a hug. She nodded, bit her lip to avoid the waterworks once again. Eventually, long after the child they captured was brought downstairs and placed in an awaiting squad car, the two of them made their way out of the apartment in stride. It was like old times, but not quite the trip down memory lane either on of them wanted to take.

…

"That's not my bag." Will allowed a single eyelid to open. The voice was so out of place for the room, but its' tone was definitely his and certainly sounded awake. Will looked towards to the bed to see Jay fully awake, head tilted towards the couch and glaring at the mountain hiking bag resting against his makeshift bed. Well wasn't this a wonderful wake up call for day two.

"Hey, you're awake." Will sat up, stretching his stiff arms before rocking side to side. As much as he appreciate the leniency of being able to stay with Jay, he hated the couch with every rest.

"Will, that's not my bag." Well someone was rather focused on a certain thing, which Will was elated over.

"Erin and Hailey left it here for you last night. It weighs a million pounds but it has everything you're going to need."

"They didn't have to do that," Jay replied while rubbing his eyes, the number of hospital bands and IVs on his wrists alarming him just a tad. Now it is important to remember that this is Jay's first time truly waking up from surgery. The day prior was equivalent to sleep walking or being severely doped on strong drugs. He was awake, but not really. So the following questions have already been addressed but didn't resonate with him. His last memory was falling asleep in the OR, the most recent memory being waking up a few minutes ago.

"What is all of this?"

"OR band, NSICU band, and the allergy band for latex. Do you want me to go over the other part?"

"No," Jay replied, looking around the room for some level of familiarity.

"Yeah, you don't know want to know how many you have right now." FYI, the IV total was five. One in each wrist, a central line, an arterial line, and a midline catheter just below the right elbow.

"Well the good news is that you can't feel them."

"How 'bout we talk about something else?" Will rolled his eyes, the sarcasm certainly survived the operation.

"How are you feeling?"

"Cold." That surprised Will a little bit. It wasn't uncommon for patients post-op brain surgery to be cold. The brain felt air for the first time so that sensation lasts in the body for awhile. But two days post-operation was odd, but not entirely out of the question.

"Okay, we can help that. What else, what's the pain level?" Jay was about to reply but the human circus that is Fred Flamelin poked his head in through the doorway.

"I was beginning to think you were talking to yourself." Jay blinked extra long, the foggy yet pristine memory of this person hitting him all at once. Before falling asleep for eternity the stupid jokes were there, and now on the other side that didn't seem to be going away. Now granted he was beyond thrilled that this person saved his life, but still…

"How are we doing this morning," the surgeon whispered? Jay wasn't fully aware of the sound sensitivity so this volume of things was weird.

"He said he's still cold," Will whispered back.

"Okay, that's fine." Fred all but looked to a nurse who slipped and darted her way down the hall. Jay found that humorous for some reason.

"Let's do the tests real quick. Name?" Jay looked to Will who vigorously nodded for him to answer.

"Jay Halstead? This is a bit much for one surgery." Will wanted to smack his brother. If only he knew what truly went down.

"And do you know where you are?"

"A hospital."

"And year."

"2020." From there began the usual pokes and eye movements all passing with flying colors. Dr. Fred did this super long stare directly at Jay's face which made him squirm and want to run out of the room. Will noted all of this and did his best not to laugh, Jay totally unaware of all the things the brilliant neurosurgeon was actually looking for.

"We need to start icing today," he eventually spoke, turning his attention to the screen above the bed.

"Yeah, the right eye looks swollen and there's some bruising around it."

"The blood pressure is also a little elevated so we're going to up doses for the next couple of days." Jay was very lost at this point, eyes darting back and forth between Fred and Will as they spoke. He heard things but couldn't grasp how they related to him, his body basically being an experiment for whatever.

"So now that you're more awake we need to discuss pain management. What's the level at now, on a scale of one to ten?" The odd part was that Jay didn't really notice any of that. When he last was awake things were horrifically bad and when he woke up the pain was still there. There wasn't a scale in his mind, just the presence of its' existence.

"It hasn't really gone away," was the best reply he could give, which wasn't the right answer.

"Jay, is it better then before? Would you say it's average or above normal?"

"Average I guess, like a five?" Fred nodded, scrolling through an iPad as he spoke.

"So the rule on this floor is five or above and we up the pain meds. Ideally we'd like for you to not be in any pain, but that just isn't the case with brain injuries. So when we hit five will give you more meds. As long as the brain is registering that its' in pain, that's all it's doing. There is no healing, just recognition. So you have to be honest with us. You'll thank us later when you get out of here ahead of schedule." That one perked Jay up: leaving, escaping into the free world. He had no clue how long he'd been in here but it was long enough according to his book.

"So we'll give you another around and when you feel a spike, just let us know and we'll take care of it."

"Okay."

"So I think that's all for right now. Any questions?"

"Um, they brought a bag last night with clothes. When can he change?"

"I'm all for patient comfort, but let's wait till we take the drain out later today." Jay immediately reached up for his head, envisioning some massive whole in the back of it. The sensation of smooth skin, bumps, and a plastic tube made things worse. The scariest part of all was that he couldn't feel his hand on his head, only the other way around.

"Dude, don't do that," Will coaxed as he slowly pulled the hand away. Neither one of them noticed that Fred had left the room, the assumed brain wizard evaporating into thin air.

"What did I sign off on them to do?" Will took a seat on the bed, nodded for the nurse to reenter the room and complete her tasks as he spoke.

"The surgery took six and half hours which is a pretty long, complex procedure. During that time the ruptured aneurysm was clipped and drained and taken care of. That all looks fine. It was in the inspection of things that he found a second aneurysm that was enlarged and likely to rupture at some point. So that had to be clipped and ruptured and drained before closing things up. You do have a drain which is standard for most brain surgeries and it'll come out later today. It's not as bad as it sounds." Jay just nodded, now feeling the weight of everything. He was just starting to understand why so much was on him and the extent of care and caution he awoke to. He survived, contrary to the idea that he was healed. The odds of him not making it to the end of that day were fairly high, luck and gratefulness now flooding his system.

"So now we're looking out for vasospasms which can be really serious. Thus the mental checks and overhaul of care. You're doing a lot better but you're not out of the woods just yet."

"I really had brain surgery," Jay spit out a couple seconds later. Will chuckled, exiting the side of the bed as the pain meds started kicking in. Jay was right on that cusp of passing out for awhile.

"Yeah, you really did. We'll make you a T-shirt or something." Sure enough Jay so much as smiled before everything went limp, small exhales puffing out of his mouth as the new doses of all other medication were timed and input to his IV pumps and such.

"I'm really surprised at how awake he is," Will whispered.

"Yeah, that's a great sign."

"I'm sure tomorrow he'll wake up super lethargic and whatnot, but this was encouraging." The nurses locked all IV stations up and nodded, her silence a gift to the sound asleep one. Will did a once over of Jay for the zillionth time, silently celebrating what had just happened. Jay was on the right path to recovery. He slept for the rest of the morning and a good chunk of the afternoon but Will was beyond satisfied to complain.

…

His name was Ethan Marks. He had brilliant red hair, freckles for a lifetime, and brown eyes the size of saucers. He was fourteen, birthday exactly nine days away from today. He was rail thin, skin crinkled, dehydrated, and revealed all the curves and corners of the human skeletal system. Life had been better to him in the past, his demeanor and appearance proof that he'd either been on his own or under the care of hellions for quite sometime. As those watching over him concluded, either option was the worst case for this poor, terrified, alone child. Through the night and into the early sunlight hours, the focus was on getting Ethan under control. Between the descent down to level ground and arriving at the district, Ethan experienced a grand total of four panic attacks. Each one was unique in symptoms and length of time, but they all included dazing off into nothing. Before people could explain that he was not under arrest but simple being questioned, Ethan was spilling everything that was once housed in his mind.

His parents abandoned him at six months old, leaving him on the doorstep of a firehouse halfway across from his very first home. For as long as he could remember someone else was always a parent. Some couples were amazing and fed him three times a day and taught him basic child skills, others locked him in rooms for countless hours with nothing more then an unsharpened pencil and paper. He'd draw whatever popped into his mind, write what he considered to be words but in reality resembled cave drawings. Education was as scattered and wild as his upbringing. At fourteen he could barely read above a second grade level, several words stuttering out of his unsure and petrified mind. Handing him clothing revealed that he wasn't trained to tie shoelaces. The clothing on him was on the verge of disintegrating, the corner of the shirt donning a new hole as those helping him placed everything in a bag. His appearance made one want to hug him, his life story enough to make the toughest person ball for hours, and that wasn't the worst part of the tale.

His life had been designed on a reward/punishment system. It didn't matter if the act was deemed moral or wrong. As long as an adult told him to do something he complied with the truth that he would be rewarded. The psychologist explained this to the detectives about how to question him. Mr. He Who Must Not Be Named took full advantage of this. Ethan stumbled across the demon in his tenth year of life, the man being his go-to for housing and everything else. Due to his ease of manipulation, Ethan was trained to do the most unspeakable of things with the demon instructing him. As Ethan told of what he did, with zero knowledge as to why it was wrong, your stomach did summersaults. He was fooled, followed blindly because it was all he knew. The amount of therapy, teaching, guidance needed between now and adulthood was a full time job. No one working the case wanted to press charges, certainly no DA would want to put him through the gauntlet of a trial. He was the tragedy of an imperfect foster care system. If nothing else, his story would be the driving force for legislative changes.

"Go easy. Keep questions as simple as possible. Use treats or praises as means to gain access to his story," the doctor told Olivia and Erin. The two of them nodded, glancing at Ethan over the doctor's shoulder. Ethan was sitting on the criminal side of the interrogation room, colored pens in hand while scribbling on a large pad. To the world he looked every bit a normal teenager, but in truth he wasn't much older then eight, nine years old.

"Okay," Olivia replied, darting back to her office for a bag of Laffy Taffy and jelly beans. Erin inched closer to the door, suddenly questioning if she could pull the discussion off. She didn't have a problem talking to a child, but this one had so many unique features and challenges. The chance of going too far was right there, Erin not sure who would collapse first.

"You can do it," Olivia quietly spoke, as if she was reading Erin's mind. She turned to face the sergeant, appreciative for her ever present encouragement. Erin returned to the door, gripped the handle and turned. It was show time.

"Ethan? My name is Olivia. This is my friend Erin. Is it okay if we sit down?" Ethan glanced away from the drawing, eyes lost on the question. Eventually he shrugged, fascinated with his drawing as they took a seat. Erin got a thorough snapshot of the drawing. It was a standard house, one a kindergarten student would draw. It was as if the house was sliced in half, revealing rooms and one dimensional staircases. In the kitchen was a stick figure standing next to food, another stick person laying on the backing of a couch in the adjacent room. Up the stairs was a stick figure girl in her room, which is where things got completely wrong. The camera in the bedroom, a presumed boy standing at the doorway. Erin looked away after that, bleary eyed at what his mind thought was normal. And then she saw it, in the far corner of the girl's room: a teddy bear.

"That's a beautiful picture, Ethan," Olivia smiled, peering just a tad over the desk. Ethan smirked, pressing the colored markers into the paper to make them bleed on the sheet.

"Who are the people in house," Erin inquired? The room was silent for several minutes, the sound of markers scraping against paper the only thing tickling eardrums.

"Mom, dad, brother, and sister," Ethan spoke only after all markers were lined up in their container. Erin was enamored by the detail and organization in Ethan's mind. He may have been stunted in his mental development but other things were beyond advanced.

"They look happy."

"Sure," he quietly responded. Olivia concluded Ethan probably didn't know what the word meant, happiness just as mundane as toothbrush or wallpaper. If he had experienced the euphoria of pure happiness, it hadn't been in several years.

"Sister is doing what dad wants. Brother is there to protect her." This was such de ja vu for Erin, listening to the word phrases and notions that Teddy revealed all those years ago. She blinked away the impending tears, not wanting to startle Ethan.

"Ethan, is that why you were at that house?" He bit the lip, closing his eyes while grunting. He was in a mental warfare, wanting to protect his 'father' while something inside told him to spill. Olivia opened the clear bag of treats, removing a strawberry Laffy Taffy and placing it in her palm. Ethan's eyes lit up, his hand darting towards the treat to the surprise of Olivia.

"Ethan, is that why you were at the house?"

"Danny didn't want to go. I said she wouldn't be hurt if I went with her."

"Who's Danny?"

"My sister." Olivia extended the treat to Ethan who ripped open the packaging and swallowed the candy whole. He was a sight of confused joy.

"Dad was going to hurt her and she didn't want it. She fought. He wanted her bear and she screamed. I had to make her quiet." Erin closed a slow blink, heart breaking over what Ethan was saying. He harmed her to protect her, thinking that that was what Danny wanted.

"Ethan, where is dad?" Olivia reached for another treat, this time the jelly beans. Ethan stared at the molding running along the top of the room. The wheels of contemplating were hard at work in that mind.

"He doesn't tell us. We're kids."

"Was there a place he took you guys? Like an adventure or treat for obeying?"

"Yes!" His face lit up, as if the source of all truth smacked him on the side of the head.

"By the water. The house is so big. It has a tire swing, treehouse, and so many cookies."

"That sounds like fun," Olivia praised while handing Ethan the next round of treats.

"Did you go to this place recently," Erin inquired?

"No, apples were in the trees when we went. One fell on the ground and dad got mad. We didn't eat for a long time after that." Starvation as a punishment. Erin wanted to kick this guy into another universe when she got the chance.

"Is there anything else you can remember?"

"The wind. That's what broke the apple. But dad didn't believe me. The wind was super loud. I told my sister that a train was coming and she always got scared." Olivia looked to Erin with that glint in her eyes. They had an rough map but both of them figured out where they were headed next: the Hudson River Valley.

"Ethan, you were so helpful. Thank you. The lady you talked to earlier is going to bring you somewhere very warm and you're able to eat as many cookies as you want." Ethan giggled, elated at the best moment of his entire life. Olivia and Erin waved to the teenager as the doctor returned, coat and proper footwear in hand for Ethan.

"So where do we start? The valley is hundreds of miles on both sides," Erin pointed out as they re-huddled with the observing crowd.

"Let's start with properties around the water, cross that with farms or large pieces of property with apple trees. This guy isn't going to be in a neighborhood or on small acreage. Neighbors up the chance of being heard or his constant movements getting tracked. Also check deeds with you-know-who and relatives. Maybe we'll get lucky on that front." They all broke the huddle, minus the hand claps and cheers. They all had the game plan, now it was time to execute.

"Have you heard from Will," Erin asked in the direction of Hailey, holding her up at the doorway.

"Uh yeah. He texted when Ethan was being processed. Jay woke up for real this morning, talking and said the bag really wasn't necessary." Erin smirked before rolling her eyes. Even after brain surgery stubborn, independent Jay was still doing his thing.

"I'm guessing he's asleep since we haven't heard anything in awhile."

"Did he say anything about visitation?"

"Well, I didn't ask. But I'm sure it would be like last night."

"Let's plan on doing that again. I'll get dinner this time around." Hailey beamed, her face the epitome of peppy and full of energy. She nodded as Erin spoke.

"Yeah, I'll text Will if things are alright for later on and everything else."

"I don't want to intrude on anything but after today.." It was Hailey's turn to embrace Erin, hugging her hard before she could finish. They all were feeling it, the case hitting so close to home in so many ways.

"Is it weird that I'm seeking a mental break in a neurosurgical ICU?" Hailey laughed, shaking her head as she pulled away.

"Not at all. It's Jay, someone that matters a lot to all of us. I think that's why we overlook the other scary stuff." Erin nodded, patting Hailey's shoulders before escaping to the warm glow of the SVU headquarters. They were all going to get through all of it, she had no doubt. But gosh the journey was going to be tough sledding.

"Hey Erin? Thanks for this morning, last night, whatever time that was. I appreciate it." Erin nodded, not bothering to turn in Hailey's direction. She couldn't afford to look back. So much was in front of her. She just had to keep propelling ahead.

…

He awoke to the coldest sensation yet, finding that odd since he fell asleep under four supremely warm blankets. Blinking twice was a tragic idea since it revealed a needle disappearing behind his right eye, a wonderful burning sensation rippling across the top of his head not that long after. That was enough to alert the world that he was awake and alert.

"Will," he called in such a small, scared voice. He felt a hand grip his, the blue blinder over his face blocking him from seeing straight out.

"Yeah, I'm right here. They're pulling the drain out." The act of removing a drain is quick, not all that dramatic, yet the scariest part of recovery, perhaps more so then the surgery itself. The biggest reason is that you're awake and watching, feeling this plastic tube slip out from you insides. It's a vessel into the world underneath the skin, the remnants of blood and fluid certainly making the bravest patient freak out. Despite the local anesthetic, there is nothing to prepare oneself for the sensation of something slipping out from under the skin.

The goal was to remove things while Jay was totally out, allowing him to sleep in deep bliss as they did the blood pressure raising procedure. But despite their best, silent efforts, the body decided to torture Jay just a bit more.

"Okay Jay, can you feel this," Dr. Fred asked while using the sharp end of a syringe to press around the tube.

"No," Jay replied a little too long for the normal person. Will gripped the hand harder, looking away from the obscured Jay and towards the surgeon. It was extraction time.

"On the count of three I'm going to start pulling. If you feel anything let us know." Jay wanted to nod, but the weight of all life felt to be on top of him.

"1..2.." But they didn't reach three, Fred using that element of surprise to get things done. There really isn't a way to explain the sensation of something being pulled out of you. There isn't a proper analogy or situation to best explain. Jay recalls the sudden rush of pressure, growing to a point of him wanting to sit up or at least yell. But the voice wasn't there, the energy to move still in some other room in the hospital. The best he could do was slip out a baby sized whimper, which only made Will squeeze his hand harder.

"It's almost done," he told Jay, looking towards the top of the very exposed head. It all was still a shock, something weird to him, but at least he didn't cry this time.

"And 3!" Will watched the tube get tossed in a toxic waste bag and dashed out of the room. It was the first removal of things, the beginning of the return to normal Jay. He returned his gaze to Fred, eyes widening just a little as the gauze pad under the surgeon's hand ran red.

"Just a little lingering blood," he reassured, discarding the first pad before grabbing another. Sure enough, things died down after a couple minutes, the small hole the tube left behind being prepped for yet another staple.

"Firing one," Fred exclaimed in a whisper to the room. That one had Jay truly awake.

"What," he asked as the stapler went off, his whole body shaking before relaxing.

"Alright. Just have to tape you back up and we are done." Once clean dressings were applied Jay's bed was raised a couple positions, allowing him the highest view he'd had in days. From there was another routine mental check, everything going perfect and sign zero signs of issues. Jay was too enamored with the room to hear the surgeon bid farewell. There was a floor, its' color light and of some wood material. The curtains were drawn but you could make out that buildings were on the other side. Will's bed was completely a mess and his bag was over flowing with clothes and other random items. It was the most stunning thing he'd laid his eyes on. Anything was better than the ceiling and the upshot of faces.

"They're on their way. They should be here in fifteen minutes." Will took his gaze away from the door and his phone and looked up to a day dreaming Jay. He was clearly still under the influence of drugs and the trauma that he just endured. The non-surgery side of his head was a bedheaded mess, the right side looked to be chopped off; making his head appear lopsided. He was covered in wiring and IVs with so much tape obscuring the ports that it was a miracle his skin wasn't blue. Oh, and let's not forget the feeding tube coming out of his nose. His brother was a mess. A recovering, miraculous mess in need of some TLC.

"Jay," Will called out once again, that one earning him a slow blink and subtle head turn. It appeared full movement was still in the process of being re-established.

"Do you want to change out of the gown," he asked once in view of Jay. That was something you didn't have to ask twice. Will dove into the bag, each layer making him that much more appreciative of the work Erin and Hailey did on their behalf. Everything was pristinely organized. Complete outfits were paired together with the bathroom bag nestled in a random pocket. Hats, socks, and underwear were all placed in ideal locations while sizes were written on sticky notes attached to the top of new outfits. They thought to the point that Jay could do things on his own, something Will was certain would happen before he got discharged. Will held things up and Jay was too out of it to care what it was. Anything was better then looking like a hospital resident, which is exactly what he was for the foreseeable future.

"Dude, let me unplug stuff first," Will joked as Jay did his best to yank the top of the gown free from his body. It was incredible how fast the strength left Jay, his arms unable to free a single button before he gave up. Will could feel the dejection, sense the dip in emotions. Jay hated it and Will couldn't help but empathize.

"It'll come back don't worry," he told Jay who so much as sighed. Once he was free of cords and IV lines, Will silently concluded that Jay was still a sight for sore eyes, his body just about decked in circles and square ports. Very little of him was actually free despite being briefly unplugged. The moment passed at the reminder that it all was temporary, the dressing process needing to get underway. Starting with the removal of the gown, Jay was soon shivering under just blankets as Will theatrically chucked the hospital attire to the floor. Pulling the neck of the shirt just far enough, Will ever so gently slipped the shirt over the top of Jay's head, letting him relearn how to pull his arms through sleeves. Once that was done everything was reattached, the heart monitor singing its' tune and drugs silently dripping back into the body. From here Will helped sit Jay up, allowing him the smallest amount of independence. Here came the second shock of the trip for Jay.

"Will, I can't see," he said as Will reached to pull the shirt all the way around the waist.

"What?"

"It's all fuzzy and I can't see."

"You're dizzy because you're at a different position." Will created a weird hug, telling Jay to rest on his shoulder and close his eyes. The world sloshed for a good bit, Jay swearing he felt nauseous before it all floated away. Opening his eyes hurt but at least he should see things.

"You alright," Will asked as he felt Jay pull away?

"Yeah."

"And that's why you're not ready to walk around." Jay didn't respond, the thought of moving at this point too much to concentrate on. At some point he'd get there. But not today. It is here that we reach the bottom half, the slightly humorous, really uncomfortable part of the whole process.

"What is that," Jay pointed at as Will pulled the sheets down.

"Figure it out," he teased. It was a thin, clear tube that followed his left leg, taped about halfway down his thigh and calf before disappearing down the side of the bed, it's shade currently not clear.

"Seriously?"

"Jay, you can't even sit up right now. Would you rather wet the bed?"

"I'll be fine. Just take it out."

"No way. And until it's allowed to be removed you're going commando."

"Anything else?"

"Yeah, can you hurry up." Jay did his best to hide the embarrassment, hands covering most of his face as he moaned in disgust. He didn't see Will screw the tube off of the bag, swallow the deep laughs as he propped the thing in a way that it didn't make a mess. Will got as far as putting the pant legs over Jay's ankles before just losing it.

"You're such a mess," he gasped between spells, Jay still not moving from his covered position. Will laughed so deep, sides hurting after a good minute or two. Despite the situation being weird and very much out of the norm, it felt amazing to laugh. Spread humor with his brother in this very odd situation. It was the buzzing of the phone that finally made things speed up, the alert that company was near. By the second round of ringing Jay was completely clothed, reattached to everything, and donning ice pads on his head.

"And they're on the elevator. Do you want to brush your teeth?"

"Yeah," came out as a yawn. It was incredible, the amount of energy Jay was allowed to exert before needing to shut down for a long period of time. His eyes were in those early stages of drooping, Will unsure if he'd make it through dinner.

"Okay, don't move," he joked once tooth brushing items were in hand. He did the sock shuffle down the hall to the bathroom. He opened the door before losing a drop of water from the brush, the startle of a crowd making him shutter.

"Hey guys," he whispered. They all turned to face him, waving and waiting for him to catch up. Tonight appeared to be anything but pizza, the brown bags housing a complete mystery.

"He's up," they asked? Will nodded a reply, pushing his way to the door.

"One second," he told them before slipping into the room. Jay had his eyes closed but the rest of him said he was just relaxed, not quite passed out for the night.

"Jay, they're here." Ever so slowly his brother surfaced, truly forcing himself to stay alert. His eyes wandered to the dripping toothbrush, a reminder of the last couple of minutes.

"I can do it," he announced.

"You sure?" Jay nodded as best he could, allowing Will to fix the item in his hand before his weak arm pivoted towards his face. He was mid brush when a sea of silent yet ecstatic faces found him.

"Hey guys," he spoke over the spit and brush, which seemed to be the exact greeting they had in mind.

"Hey," they all responded in whispers, wary of the still present sound sensitivity. Most of the guys offered a fist bump or bro arm greeting, Hailey and Erin waiting till he was done brushing to dish out theirs.

"How are you," Erin whispered as she did her best to hug him.

"Tired," he replied. She smirked, the one word answer being enough to wipe away all terror of the day.

"Told you we'd see you on the other side," Hailey spoke, Jay doing his best to grin. He was so beyond out of it, which he hated considering they were all back together.

"So, we brought dinner. Are you going to be offended?"

"I ate awhile ago," Jay replied, pointing to the tube in his nose. That one got a couple laughs from the crew.

"You look really good for being so close to the surgery."

"Oh yeah?! I haven't seen anything yet."

"Eh, that's probably for the best," Will joked.

"Jay, keep the ice on there." Jay wasn't even aware the pad had fallen off, compliments of the pain killers and anesthetic. He watched as they gathered on the floor, creating an extra large circle that dipped onto the couch. In time he would consider this moment as a highlight, a time to soak in the love and support these people gave him. But at this moment he was doing everything to keep awake. The room was that perfect warm temperature, the blankets heavy but not enough to suffocate, things were primed for him to check out for quite some time. He told himself he could have a five minute break, a quick rest before coming back full force. In his final moment of full consciousness he felt it, the twinge that things were going south.

"Will…its' a six," he slurred before completely going under.

"Oh man," Will spoke as he got up from his spot in the circle, jogging out of the room while the rest sat clueless. Before long he returned with a nurse who had miracle workers in her hand.

"He just had a dose less then an hour ago," she remarked as each of them took a side of the bed.

"Jay," Will spoke while nudging the shoulder. His efforts got him a grunt, one eye opening as he listened for things to hurry up.

"Pain is a six?" Jay nodded. Everyone watched in silence as the new round of fresh drugs were pushed into Jay's system, observing in concerned support as his whole body relaxed under things. The condensed reunion they just had was a fool's tale in a way. Try as hard as he did, Jay was different, a bit lost and disconnected from the true essence of Jay Halstead. In time there was a great chance he'd return, but today this version was foreign, scary in a way. Certainly they weren't giving up on him, but it drove home that he was far from healed; quite aways off from being the stubborn ass they knew and loved. If nothing else, he was a passed out, injured teddy bear that just needed a good hug.

They ate in silence that night, a little disappointed that the notion of joking, hanging with Jay were nothing but vain ideas. Oh what none of them knew would transpire over the coming hours. None of the people in that room aware of the onslaught and mountain climbing that would have to be tackled. But that is a story for another chapter.

**So what was intended to be a short chapter wound up having a lot of things in it! Did you guys enjoy the conversation between Hailey and Erin? And also, forgive me for the slightly dirty humor for poor Jay. I like to push the boundaries every now and then for the sake of comedy. Next chapter will encompass an entire day, so expect things to go slowly. Thanks for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6- Jay Halstead's No Good, Terrible, Horrible Bad Day

**So as the title states, this chapter will encompass the dreaded day three milestone. It'll be a drag out, a bit of an in-depth look into the very real swings and pain that come with such a complex, delicate thing that is brain surgery. We might also sprinkle some of the case in, just to keep things moving along. Here we go!**

It began well before the sun rose but well after everyone filed out of the room for the day. The timing of things definitely nestled into the graveyard shift. The standard doctors and nurses had gone home for the day, leaving the members of the short straw brigade to defend the silent yet potentially deadly side effects in the world of the NSICU. On most nights it was all about surviving, just watching the clock tick down to the time everything roared back to the norm. It was rare for something to go awry. If and when it did, most of the time it was the result of something falling off or a patient hitting something by mistake. But all that was about to change, Jay's healing body was going to make sure of that.

All was well in that far right corner of the floor. For a majority of the night things were peaceful. Will was sprawled out on the couch, right arm and leg dangling off the edge as he laid on his stomach, mouth open so he could breathe. After the spike in pain Jay was beyond relaxed and passed out, head titled the right way as one arm laid over his chest. He was fine, sound asleep, healing, and then it all changed with a proverbial snap of the finger.

It was bad enough that he woke up, his body pushing past all the chemical things that were keeping him under. He awoke to that throbbing jolt of pain that he experienced a couple days ago. It was pumping out of his eyes, every twitch a punishment. In time he'd come to understand the difference between a headache and ruptured aneurysm, but at this stage of the game head pain was equated to the worst case scenario. He was scared, overreacting to the assumed scenario that he'd end up in an OR again. It also didn't help that the room was pitch black, allowing Jay to think he couldn't open his eyes. Yet another symptom that wasn't putting him at ease.

"Come…on…" he tried to coax himself, finding speaking a bit of a challenge. His jaw was sore, words there but not really. He could see a word fly by in his mind but he could never capture it long enough to spit it out. The frustration was real, the pain debilitating at this point. Life was dwindled down to two things: pain and help.

"Will," he slurred in a whisper, eyes roving to that area of the room he guessed was housing his brother. An assumed lifetime later nothing happened, adding to Jay's panic. The hyperventilating was kicking in, the short breaths being cut off by sharp inhales. He needed help and his first line of defense wasn't coming through. This was when he remembered the green, illuminated button on the bed. In another wild resurface he vaguely recalled being told to press the light when he needed something. His eyes found the light, a small victory under the circumstances. His thumb, hand, and arm found enough strength to move towards the light, pressing it until something happened. An alarm might've gone off each time, which made him wince under the piercing shrill to his eardrums, but at last things worked.

Indeed an army arrived, the persistent call for help playing a role in that. What was once dark, calm, and still was the polar opposite. The lights were turned up to a mild dim, Jay's hands glueing themselves to his eyes for protection. No one was in the room and then they all were, at least three, four of them encasing the perimeter of the bed. Cue Will finally returning to the world. It took him no time at all to connect the pieces, on his feet and gripping the end of the bed in record time. Even under the hand coverage you could tell that things were off. There was a different energy about him, one that wasn't conducive to healing. Something was wrong and all indications were pointing to it being dire.

"Ten…ten," Jay repeated as everyone looked between him and the monitors. They weren't sounding alarms but they weren't peaceful either. The concern over the blood pressure was now a full issue. People were doing their best to make Jay feel that they weren't worried, but the looks to one another told the tale.

"Page whoever is on call."

"Evans? He's not.."

"-Just do it. He's needed. Now." Will's mouth was open, about to ask the stupidest question of the hour. But something told him to remain still and quiet, just let things transpire.

"When did it hit a ten?"

"Just…now," Jay spoke in a pant. Will noted the impending panic attack. The shallow breaths, shaking hands, inability to speak, he had to step in.

"Give him valium, pain meds, something. He's having an attack."

"Just wait till.."

"-I am a doctor and I can diagnose a panic attack. He keeps going and everything is going to get a lot worse." Will forced himself from the foot of the bed to the left side of Jay, placing a hand on his chest as he tried to talk him down.

"Breathe, man. I got you. Just breathe." Nothing was helping, because snapshots of that day were rocketing through Jay's mind. He saw the street, the pristine snow covered trees and sidewalks. He could feel the chill of the air, count the number of steps between the front door and when he went down. He could taste the vomit when he woke up, felt the surreal pounding of the bomb going off in his head. The MRI scanner danced its' beat, the pre-op process and dread before being wheeled into the OR. He felt the cold, hard surface of things, swore the gas was running thick in his body once again. It was so real, so in his face, he didn't see any other appropriate reaction then crying.

"I…can't….do it…again." Will crouched down as the presumed doctor on call made his way in. In that second Will didn't care about things going on around. It was just he and Jay having a conversation, doing his best to relax his brother in the middle of a crisis.

"Do what?" The doctor requested a portable ultrasound, the device flying over Will and landing in the man's hands. Jay closed his eyes as the wand touched his skin, that feeling like a ten pound weight was on his fragile skull. Curses to his body for not allowing him to pass under all this pain.

"What can't you do, Jay," Will distracted.

"Surgery." Will wanted to laugh it off, scoff that things were never going to get there. But as he glanced to the doctor sighing at the image on the screen, he wasn't sure if that wasn't in the cards.

"We're not there yet," was the best, most accurate answer he could give. It wasn't what Jay wanted or needed to hear, but it was the best Will could do considering. He squeezed Jay's hand harder, a way to tell him that he was there. The slightly positive part of this whole thing was that Will would be here this time around, not boarding a plane as Jay was going under the knife.

"He needs an MRI."

"What's on the ultrasound?"

"Nothing. But the pain spike and everything else isn't normal."

"Vasospasm?" The doctor nodded, which caused Will's stomach to drop. Not that anyone was prepared for this, but it couldn't happen right now.

"He needs a sedative, Valium, and pain meds," Will spoke.

"Let's do the Valium and meds. Let's hold off on the sedative till we get down there."

"He can't handle talking. He's not going to be able to stand the scanner."

"Let's see what happens on the Valium." Everything began to pick up pace. Calls to radiology were made right in the hall, words like 'urgent' and 'redline' being thrown out. Meds were injected into the closest IV port as the transport gurney was pushed into the room. Jay was motionless as they prepped him for being moved, eyes closed and breaths in and out of his mouth as they counted down to the shift. He winced, maybe cursed, when he was placed on the new flat surface. Once he was secured they were on the move. Along the way Will warned of when lights or a bump were coming up. Jay was developing a good case of touch sensitivity but he refused to let go of Will's hand. It was his escape, his outlet to pass pain off to.

"We're at the scanner and getting ready to transfer," Will calmly spoke to an eyes closed Jay. He grunted his understanding, holding onto Will his tightest yet as he felt the scanner table under him. It all was so real, racing down that path he swore he was on. More then any other time in his life he was grateful Will was there. If nothing else it was going to ease pre-op and surgery. It was at this point he made the terrible mistake of opening his eyes, the switch that set off the vomit he didn't realize he had stored up.

"Jay, roll over," Will coaxed as Jay gagged, just clearing the table as it all came up.

"He needs the sedative," Will sternly told to the window across the way. He was beyond pissed they thought Jay would make it in this state. You could now add light sensitivity to the list of ailments going on inside Jay's body.

"It's fine. You're okay," he told Jay as things died down, looking at the blood shot eyes with the heaviest heart. If he could he'd absorb whatever was going on. A quick glance told you Jay was in a world of hurt in misery. The doctor came in with a larger then normal sized syringe, holding it behind his back as he rounded the right side.

"You're gunna to go to sleep for awhile for the scan."

"It hurts," was Jay's only and last response. He was semi-awake and then the eyelids fluttered shut, Will silently cheering as he watched the whole body go limp. At last, relief had arrived; even if it was a snippet of time. Will leaned forward and kissed his brother's forehead, not caring in the least who saw. He was proud of his brother, scared for what was going on inside, trying to tell him that he had him no matter what.

It was in the departure of the room that Will took inventory of himself, now noticing that the bottom half of him was rather cold and exposed feeling. A life lesson was learned that night: wear pants. No, he was not naked, but was wearing just boxers and a t-shirt. His face was beet red in an instant, excusing himself for the long march back to the room. The three floor trek across the hospital was very much indeed a walk of shame and embarrassment.

…

"Oh! You're here. How did you get here so quickly?" Will returned to the observation room adjacent to the MRI, perplexed by the presence of Fred. Donning a full, typical hospital attire that was suited for him, the man was peering into the computer screen, staring at it for the answers to life's numerous mysteries. There was no mention of him coming in nor was there even a phone call requesting his presence. So to see him there half an hour after Jay was under things was a both a surprise and concern. The fact the top person was called in the middle of the night wasn't removing any fear that something dire was going on.

"Segway. It's the fastest, quietest, and easiest way around this time of night." Will smirked as he rolled his eyes. Of course that's how Fred got around town. How foolish of him to think the man would travel any other way.

"So, what's the verdict? Is it a vasospasm?" As Fred's mouth is hanging open to reply, I think this is the perfect moment to explain what a vasospasm is. It's been mentioned in the past but this is a great time to fill everyone in on what exactly this terrifying side effect is.

Essentially, a vasospasm is a narrowing of arteries due to persistent contracting of the blood vessels throughout the body. When this occurs blood flow is reduced and left untreated, or severe enough, it can be deadly. Obviously, if this were to happen in the brain this could cause some serious damage. While a vasospasm could happen at any time, the risk for them happening is greater right after brain surgery; especially brain aneurysms. The common side effects are stiffness, trouble speaking and thinking, and sudden onset pain with zero known causes. Thus the reason a lot of patients, like Jay, are under serious observation and require constant mental and motor tests. It's in that early stage of recovery that things are most likely to go wrong. As the brain heals then the risk goes down. So knowing this, it is easy to see why doctors, nurses, and Will were so concerned with Jay's situation. All signs pointed to the deadly, stroke-like side effect. Just when they thought Jay was in the clear, the body had other plans.

"It's not another aneurysm. There isn't any bulging and no sign of bleeding on the brain. The area of concern I had a couple of days ago is still there and slightly worse. That could be the cause for his sudden change."

"So it is a vasospasm."

"At this point I'd say a mild one. We're going to start him on a few drug regimes and introduce more pain meds. I have to warn though that things could get worse."

"When will we know?"

"Let's get him to the end of the day and we'll go from there." That one was a gut punch. Through the whole surgery and recovery that type of phrasing had never been used. Certainly Jay was in danger, but those 'end of day' benchmarks were never implied nor did anyone think he couldn't be rescued. So to hear the master of all things aneurysm clipping say that just drove home how sideways and deadly life just became.

"We're going to stop the sedative immediately. He's got to be able to wake up and tell us if things get worse or better. We're going to try and make him as comfortable as possible, but we're not sedating him today."

"It's fine. I get it." Will stood in the observation room as Jay was pulled out of the machine and placed back on the gurney he arrived on. It was incredible to see how quickly he woke up from the sedative. The time between the reversal drug being injected and his eyes fluttering open was about a minute. Granted he wasn't going to remember waking up, but to see the body react to being moved was an excellent sign. Jay so much as glanced around at the room before passing out, not having the wherewithal to acknowledge people or voices. Just a brief check in before departing into the darkness. Will was halfway out of the room when Fred held him up, much to Will's dislike.

"I don't think I need to tell you this but…blood pressure has to stay low."

"Yeah, I know. I was going to tell them."

"No people, no phones, no activity from outside the room and halls. It has to be the most controlled environment for the foreseeable future."

"They're not going to be thrilled but they'll get it."

"We're going to do everything we can to help him."

"Yeah, I know. Thanks Fred." On that note, Will couldn't take things any longer. He had this sudden burst of energy, untamable desire to bolt. He tore down the hall, found the stairwell and jogged, stopping at the NSICU floor and panting. He wept, ached for this all to be a terrible nightmare. He'd fall on the floor and arise to Jay laughing at him, saying some snide remark about him being a dramatic sleeper. But as the commotion of a body being reintroduced to the floor sounded on the other side, Will knew that wasn't going to be the case. Whether he liked it or not he was going to have to spend the day watching his brother have a terrible, pain riddled day. So Will collected himself, brushed the tears and distaste for everything away, and quietly padded his way to the room.

By the time he arrived Jay was back in bed, passed out as people were working on him. Things had to be reattached and drugs had to be injected into those veins, by way of IV of course. Will stood against the wall, taking in the sights and lack of sound to the place. It was like watching art in motion, healing and care leaping off the page. It was in the tucking in and final glance over that Jay noted they'd forgotten something, taking that as his cue to step in.

"Earplugs," he whispered, pointing to his own ears in case they didn't catch things. Will volunteered the task, ever-so-gently pushing them in place while praying that would be enough to combat the sound sensitivity. Will forewent sitting on the couch all night, pulling the chair to within a couple inches of the bed. The world was on the verge of seeing daylight, a new dawn just about to win the war against darkness. Oh how poetic and perfect that was for this world residing in that extra crammed space. Will was in the process of grabbing for a hand when the door unexpectedly slid open.

"He needs to keep this on all day today." It was a massive ice pad, something that Jay had grown to hate. He showed his dislike for pulling the thing off even in his sleep.

"Hey," Will greeted, turning to watch as Fred marched into the room and placed the pad on the stapled side of the head. Now one could only see half of Jay's peaceful yet pain filled face.

"I cleared my schedule for today so I can hang with you guys," the surgeon practically mouthed. Will was beyond touched, the idea to cry was there but he figured that would make things weird.

"You didn't have to," was the best he could come up with. Fred flung a hand Will's way, as if to say, 'oh brother.' He took a seat on the couch, pushing away the bedding and whipping out a crossword book and pen. He winked, licked a pen, and then dove into the pages Jimmy Fallon style. Will snorted before returning to Jay. Knowing nothing else, Will took comfort in the fact that Fred was so relaxed. If the wizard was at peace, then he had to fall in line.

_Two Hours Later_

If glares could kill, Jay was on the verge of chopping Will's head off. Will assumed it was one he gave perps probably a thousands times in his life, Will just the latest victim. When they were younger it was Jay's way of getting Will to do or say anything. If both of them committed a 'crime' at home, it was Will who'd eventually cave under the pressure of both Jay and their parents. If Will caught Jay sneaking food well past the night time cut off, that glare would be all he needed to not alert their parents that Jay was snacking at midnight. It was his weapon, a route to getting things in life, working about nine times out of ten.

Will took a couple moments to feel the laser beam stare from his brother. The hours since they returned to the room Will did his normal lap around the bed; beginning with Jay before going to the monitors to watching to make sure Jay was still breathing. Every now and then he'd glance at his phone or yawn and stretch, but this routine went on till Will lost track of time. He'd become so accustomed to Jay's eyelids that it took a blink or two to realize eyeballs were staring at him. Will smirked before sitting further up in the chair. It didn't take long to figure out that Jay wasn't going to be the first to speak, the drugs and deep desire for that confirmation holding him back at the moment.

"No," Will whispered as he shook his head.

"They didn't do any surgery." It was then that the glare disappeared, Jay blinking extra long as both Will and Fred inched closer to the bed.

"How's the pain?"

"Ten." Both doctors looked to each other, Fred shrugging as he glanced back towards the monitors.

"Okay. Where is it? Has it migrated at all since the last time?"

"It's all over." None of them were expecting the miraculous healing at this point, but the lack of any improvement wasn't comforting. Without speaking pain meds were upped, Will helplessly watching as Jay dove further into the narcotic stupor, movements rather sloth-like and eyes beyond glazed over now. The only solace in all of this was that Jay wasn't going to have a completely clear picture of what happened.

"Ice has to stay on," Fred remarked, gently placing the pad back on its' intended location. Jay rolled his eyes, quietly groaned as the absolutely freezing device touched his very bare skin. It was here that the proverbial lightbulb went off in Will's mind.

"Can he roll onto his side?" Fred hesitated for a bit, not sure how to politely tell a worried brother and miserable patient no.

"We can use pillows so he isn't pressing the central line into the side."

"Let's try." Fred skipped, literally, out of the room as Will told Jay of the plan.

"I'm going to sit you up and we're going to help you roll onto your side. It'll help with the ice and you'll be in a new position, which is fun." The smallest smirk crept across Jay's face, acting as the agent to wake him up. With arms crossed and eyes closed Will hoisted Jay up till his head was nestled in his shoulder. By now Fred had returned with a cart of pillows, lining them up in a way that created a straight line for Jay, a body pillow if you'd like.

"How bad is the dizziness?"

"Bad," Jay spoke into the shoulder, Will hugging his brother a hair tighter.

"Sorry. We're going down now." Coaxing Jay back, Will landed him in the middle of the pillows before reaching behind Jay's back and pivoting him towards the left side. IV lines were extended and monitoring cords were yanked further away from their location. But eventually Jay was on his side, seeming to be very delighted in his new perch.

"Better," Will asked while placing the ice pad back in its place. Jay nodded as he dozed off. Will pulled the sheets up to Jay's armpit, keeping things lose so Jay didn't wake up feeling strangled.

"You need to do the same," Fred whispered as Will got re-situated.

"What?! I'm fine."

"Will, remember I taught you for how many years? You're not helping him by being sleep deprived. Lay the chair back and go to sleep. I'll wake you up if anything happens. Obviously." Will was out in two minutes, sound asleep snoring while grasping his brother's hand. It was a bridge of sorts, the connector between the healthy and the unwell. Will was a vision of exhausted health while Jay told a very different tale. His face was now entirely covered, the extremities still just as speckled with medical devices and wiring as before. What was left of the hair was a mess and he definitely needed a shower before long. The body screamed done, undergoing its' final leg of ability while WIll's was telling him to hold on. It was in this snapshot of the precious brotherly bond that an idea struck Fred.

"Did you guys just get this," Kevin called out to the van of people. They were three abreast, Intelligence, Erin, and a few other member of the NYPD crammed into a undercover van, headed in the direction of the Hudson River Valley. It was still dark, visibility becoming harder and slimmer the further away they got from Manhattan. It was both eye opening and stunning to see just how rapidly the environment shifted. New York City, perhaps one of the greatest cites in all the world, could disappear behind the quiet suburbs and sloping mountain range in about twenty minutes. This far away things were dying down, the streets that were once hectic and made the driver get up on the wheel were now per the norm, the signal that they were out of the chaos being the driver's decision to sit back in his seat. The van was quiet, asleep almost, and pitch black. The lighting of Kevin's phone is what pulled him out of drifting away, news from the outside world enough to distract him from the truth that he was completely drained.

"Get what," Kim yawned, doing her best to stretch with a sound asleep Adam on one side and daydreaming Hailey on the other. Voight so much as turned around to face his officer, a large gesture on his part. Kevin glanced at the image, scrunching his face over the slight confusion of the sender. The message was perhaps the oddest part of all.

"It's a picture of Jay and Will. It was sent from Will but clearly in this photo he's passed out."

"Passed out," Hailey echoed? That one got her out of her horrible mind.

"Man, Jay looks bad." Now everyone was awake, puffy eyes craning to see what Kevin was reporting. Their quiet and sympathetic reactions seeming to agree with his opinion. The photo was set far back in the hospital, capturing just about the entire square footage of the room. Jay was still under the covering of sheets and ice pads, everything but his head able to be seen. A couple of them noted that he was on his side, but none of the observers disagreed with Kevin. Meanwhile Will was slumped over in the chair, head resting on the arm closest to Jay's bed, a hand extended past his body and connected with Jay's multiple hospital band arm. That moment was the center of the shot, the whole reason why the photographer snapped things. Once everyone had a good look Kevin returned the phone to himself, softly reading the lengthy message aloud.

"Greetings support group thread for Jay. I learned something this morning: facial recognition on the iPhone works on sound asleep faces. I was under the impression that the feature recognized eyes, but the fact I'm sending this to you shows how wrong I was on that end. At some point Will will learn to add a second password to this device." That one got a couple chuckles, mostly from Adam and Kim. A name didn't need to be spoken, they all knew who the mystery hacker was.

"Something else we learned this morning. At around three this morning Jay suffered a mild vasospasm. Yes, the very side effect we feared has occurred. Fortunately it was not a full blown, stroke-like setback. Unfortunately, he is in a great deal of pain and having difficulty communicating. We're starting him on a drug regime to combat the vasospasm but surgery is not ruled out at this point. Not that this should come as a shock but all visitation is off till Jay is stable and on the other side of this setback. At this time we're not sure when that will be, but it could be a few days. Furthermore, all phones will be shut off while in the room in an effort to keep the environment as calm and controlled as possible. For updates please call into the nurse's desk and either they or myself will answer any questions and provide updates as they come along. Thanks for understanding. I shall returned the phone to its' rightful owner."

Kevin read the message once more to himself, reluctantly closing the phone after another in-depth look at the photo. It wasn't news any of them wanted, or honestly expected. Jay was doing well, their last encounter was promising, returning to the ways of old. So to have all of these things come out of nowhere was deeply unsettling. But perhaps the worst part of all was that none of them could do anything. One of their own was miles away, truly hurting and all they could do was sit back in wait. It wasn't in their DNA to stand out and hope for the best, but right now that was all they had. As they pulled into the hideout location of the first address Kevin mentally concluded that this was how Jay would want it. He was handling himself and he didn't want or expect everyone else to stop their life for him. They had to solve this case for Jay, for all the innocent lives involved. That was their objective for this trip and they all had every intention of fulfilling that goal.

"Everyone out," Voight signaled, opening the passenger door and waving an arm for people to hurry up. Through yawns and groans their feet found the pavement, ever so slowly yet eventually reaching the hideout where the rest of the search party was. The neighborhood of their main target was hidden somewhere amongst thirty vast, rolling, eternal pieces of property, scattered on both side of the river. The task they all were about to undertake was enormous, elaborate, and would keep them far away from the swankiness of the city until further notice. They were now in the thick of things, country life of New York state, which is why their attire blended so well with their environment.

Everyone was donning various forms of camo to fit where they were assigned. Groups of three would scout two locations per day, beginning in the far corner of a farm and working their way in and around till they had enough information. Despite being one of more modern and iconic state in the country, New York state was spotty on property record. As they searched for plots and deeds it became apparent that they'd have to do the work of Google and database hunting for themselves. If there were documents they were typically outdated, many of the places being family owned and in the name of deceased relatives. It was a crime of sorts. A crime that they would have to spend hundreds of hours and thousands of steps doing the work of computers. But nevertheless, they took on the job with vigor. Lives were at stake, there wasn't much more needed to convince them. The group was gathering in a state park, deep in the woods and near a camp ground. This time of year no one came out here to camp, the pure snow showing that assumption to be true. Intelligence gathered in their own bunch as the final instructions and land assignments were passed around.

"Everyone use these woods as your point of entry. All the properties on this side of the river meet at different places along the park. When we're done with this side we move to the other side. Potential points of entry are marked on the maps. Sat phones are to be kept on at all times and location signals are to never be turned off. This park is over a thousand acres and I'm not going after you." They all laughed at the joke. There was no way Olivia Benson was going to leave a man, or woman behind.

"Be methodical, be thorough, but most importantly be careful. You guys are armed and only use that weapon if need be. Study the map before you begin. Enjoy the stakeouts everyone."

"Hailey, Hank, you're with me" Erin commanded, dishing out their assignments before leading them in the general direction of their spot of the day. Her level of importance and rank above both of them was something each was getting used to, but in all honesty it was fun to witness. She was the child who morphed into a full grown adult, Hank now the grandparent, so to speak, beaming over what she had become.

"Looks like the first place is a dairy farm about half a mile this way. Hailey, you take lead with the directions." Hailey nodded, yanking the sat phone out of her pocket and entered the final destination; stamping her feet as the directions loaded.

"This…way. Yeah," she acknowledged while taking baby steps. Navigation wasn't her thing, certainly not in wooded terrain. But she got what Erin was trying to do: distract her. Lord only knew they all needed it today.

"How's she doing up there," Erin whispered as they tracked along Hailey's footsteps.

"Great! She and Jay are partnered up and both are working well together. They don't butt heads all that often. It's good."

"Good! She's a great addition. I've enjoyed working with her."

"We miss you too, kiddo."

"Didn't someone once tell me to never look back?" Erin gently punched Voight's shoulder, earning a laugh and nod as he replied.

"I think it was a very wise man, now that you mentioned it." He looked her way, noticed the down moment behind the smile. Her efforts were praised, but the truth behind it all was right there.

"He's going to be fine."

"Yeah, I'm sure. Just wish there was a way to be in two places at once." Voight took her in for a squeeze, wrapping an arm around her as they walked stride in stride.

"We're here," Hailey whispered as she held an arm up. All three took a crouch, breath leaving them as the once snowy forrest world opened into another world of flat, white, never ending farmland. It was both a stunning and terrifying sight to stand in front of. While one was enthralled by the beauty of it, the size made everyone seem incredibly small.

"Dammit. There are zero tracks on the snow, if we get in there someone will notice they have company."

"No one said this was going to be an easy task."

"Walk around till you see tracks of some kind. Keep to the fence and look for an opening."

"Do we even think he'd use a dairy farm? It's too busy."

"Well that might actually be why he selected it. Remember the description. Let's get going before we freeze to death right here"

…

"If you eat any faster those noodles are going to come back up looking the exact way they're going in." Will rolled his eyes, continuing to shovel spaghetti and meatballs down the windpipe as fast as humanly possible. It had been three hours since both Halsteads fell asleep. Will's growling stomach woke not just himself, but sounded the cafeteria calvary. Will awoke with a beet red face of embarrassment, Fred silently laughed out loud while texting for food to be delivered. The meal arrived in record time. According to Fred, it was the quietest, high calorie meal Will could eat in the room. Forkfuls of pasta and sauce were downed as he glued his eyes to Jay, noting that his brother hadn't moved a muscle yet. Some may take that as a worry, Will found peace. His brother was quite out of it, resting as comfortably as possible while under the terror of vasospasm pain. It was when he began to speak over a meatball that Fred literally took the plate and fork and yanked Will out of the room.

"I'm just shocked you got me out of the room."

"Please, we're on the verge of breaking the glass door due to our fat backs. We haven't really left. We can still see and hear him if he wakes up."

"Which should be soon, like in a few minutes." Fred huffed, arms plopping further into his lap as he reminisced. He was amazed Will had forgotten; this wasn't their first time doing this song and dance.

"Do you recall your very first patient in my rotation?" Will shook his head, mouth full of food.

"It was an eleven year old boy. Dark curly hair, average build, fell off a school playground and onto concrete and was knocked unconscious for several minutes." Again, Will shook his head. So far everything sounded like a thousand other patients he'd seen in his lifetime.

"He was a ward of the state, foster child that was living in his sixth home in a three year time span. Once the parents knew he would require brain surgery they left him, said he was the state's problem now."

"Daniel Jefferson," Will breathed out. Fred nodded before continuing.

"You sat with that child everyday. A couple of times I had to drag you out of that room to deal with another case or complete rounds. Daniel stayed on this very floor, in that room down the hall for two weeks and I'm pretty sure you rarely weren't by his side. You read to him, slept on the chair right next to his bed, helped in any way you could."

"Yeah, I absolutely hated you for making me leave him. At the time I couldn't understand how you could operate on someone, save their life, and then never go check on them. You said that we operate on the most delicate, decisive, defying organ in the human body. You needed to know what to do, complete the job, and move on. Otherwise you'll kill a patient one day. I never understood that."

"Well update, Daniel works here as a professor. Teaches a class on patient care and bedside manner. His whole reason for taking the job was because of a weird yet incredible med student. Said he doesn't recall much of his hospital stay all those years ago, but that student has never left his mind. So in the end, Will, you made a lasting impact on his life. I may have saved him, but you changed him and for the better." Will nodded, beyond flattered and very unsure what to do with this news. It all was flooding back, beginning to understand why Fred chose to say this to him at this point in time. Jay was Daniel, the patient he was going to will to live.

"I say all of that to say this: don't ever lose that spirit, Will. If anything, I leaned from you during that case. As much as I try to take emotions out of my practice, which I still think is essential, one can never forget that underneath it all is a scared, hurt person that needs someone to cheer for them. I'm sure a million other patients thank you for that dedication and I'm definitely confident that your brother feels the same way."

"Speaking of," a nurse pointed out. Will looked up, noticed the flashing screen above the station labeled Jay's room number. Foregoing the fact he was resting on an unsanitary surface, Will pressed his hands to the floor before taking off. In four strides he was at Jay's side, sitting down to get eye level. Jay was awake but not, the grogginess and ache making the blue/green orbs quite dull.

"Hey, how bad?"

"The same." Will sighed, at this point ticked the breaking point wasn't coming.

"Let's roll him on his back for a minute so we can do the test." Removing the ice pad revealed red skin, the body's reaction to the freezing temperature.

"We're going to keep that off for a bit," Fred whispered. Jay's best response was a thumb's up.

"Jay, 2020, hospital," he slurred as he followed the surgeon's finger.

"Good! At least we know that all is in tact." Jay best attempt at a laugh was a grunt, Will was delighted by it all.

"Where's the pain?"

"Still all over."

"Okay, good! We're going to not only up the pain meds but give you stronger stuff."

"Morphine," Will asked?

"Dilaudid. We'll save the morphine for later. Also need to check the incision." Jay truly didn't care, just laid motionless as the doctor peeled everything away, closing his eyes as he felt the cool air hit his shaved and cut open side of the head. Having not seen it yet, all he could picture was a diagram of half a head.

"We're going to keep these off for a little bit, let things have some air on them."

"I don't want people to see," Jay whispered through a new crest of pain.

"Jay, at this point you're the only one that hasn't seen."

"No, I mean everyone else."

"No one's coming till we've got things under control. It's just us for awhile." Mercifully the pain knocked Jay out, not noticing when the dilaudid entered the system. He was basically like rearranging a rag doll onto its' side, but at some point Will was satisfied with where things were situated.

"I'm sorry you're having to go through this. You're doing really well," he whispered while reclaiming his chair and hand holding. He totally meant every word, just prayed for the clock to strike midnight and for it all to be over.

…

"Will…Will. Make it stop." Will glanced up from a book, realizing he was so entranced by it that he failed to detect the music coming from outside the walls and down the hall. It was such a foreign sound, one that neither of them had heard in quite some time. Will looked over to Jay who had one hand on his exposed ear, the other pressed into his eyes. It was apparent the pain had migrated, causing the sound sensitivity to reach new levels. Will rose from his place as Fred darted out of the room and towards the nurse's station. Something had gone wrong in two rooms just now, Will doing his best to help what he could.

"Sssssssshhhhhhhh. Sssssssshhhhhh," he constantly coaxed into Jay's right ear. Yes, he was adding sound into an already loud world, but one note was much better then the bass driven tune echoing down the hall. Jay was shaking, eyelids glued shut and almost squeezing back into the eye socket. He was sweating, muttering something to himself that no one else could understand. This was the vision of misery in pain. Out of habit Will told Jay he was going to hug him, encouraging him to cross his arms as he pushed him into a semi-sitting position. Will could hear the labored breaths, sense the tightness and sensitivity radiating all over the body. But he didn't back down, gently squeezed his brother as he rubbed his back. It wasn't the most comfortable or normal position and thing to do, but Jay was completely at the end of things and Will had to do something.

"A patient woke up and found someone's phone and started playing some song," Fred whispered upon returning.

"Wow," Will mouthed. In that split second he was torn, on the one hand he was thrilled a patient woke up, something heralded on this floor. But on the other hand the action made Jay worse, put him in more pain. He wasn't totally sure where to go with it.

"When the party's over," Jay spoke into Will's shoulder, a surprise on many fronts.

"How do you know Billie Eilish?"

"How do you?" Will smiled, squeezing Jay again before pulling him away. There he was, emerging from under the depths of pain and despair.

"Blood pressure is going down," Fred announced as Jay was situated back onto his back.

"So it's finally working." Fred nodded.

"Good news, surgery isn't happening. At least not today." Jay so much as raised his eyebrows, a sign that he was pleased.

"Pain?"

"A nine." Will wanted to jump and scream. The update wasn't good, but they were working their way down. Someone celebrate with him.

"Do we introduce the morphine?" Fred looked upward, as if he was asking the Heavens where to go from there. He did this for several seconds, Jay in his limited state still concluding his life saver was a nut.

"How's the resting been?"

"In waves and not for very long."

"On the morphine that will all change. There's a reason terminal patients request this drug. You really drift off."

"Now that we've finally started getting control of the pain, the morphine will really help regulate this as the swelling and vasospasm heals."

"I don't care at this point. Whatever helps." Fred nodded, signing off on the electronic order before returning the iPad to its' place on the wall. Will took the waiting time to help Jay re-situate on the bed, keeping him on his back but raising the bed just a tad. Several minutes later the vial of life and tranquility arrived, the passing of the drugs ended with Fred who secured them in an IV pump.

"Have a good sleep," he told Jay was he watched the drugs drip down the line and disappear into the arm.

"Sleep well," Will spoke as Jay blinked himself into the darkness. It took ten seconds, perhaps less then that, before Jay was totally out. It was the last time he would awake that day.

…

She collapsed onto the bed, ignoring the stiff, itchiness of the fabric against her skin. She was worn down to the bone, head to toe ice cold and very unable to sense anything. After a day of lying on frozen ground and stepping in countless cow pies, she felt to be a changed woman. Every fiber of her being was exhausted, her brain barely able to perform the basic functions of walking or telling her the shower water was practically boiling her skin. She knew she smelled like a barn, looked like she rolled in mud all day long, which was partly true. Even after a long soak in lavender and an ivory soap scrub, she still felt the lingering odor of barn life. Looking to the corner of the room made her contemplate burning her clothes, no amount of bleach would ever make her want to don the items again.

But over all of this was a single thought: him. More then ever, today she missed him. She missed the banter they used to have while on stakeouts; place silly bets over who would fall asleep faster or dare one another to consume small amounts of coffee. Perhaps it was the news of the day, or the silence of the work, but all she could hear was him; the brain tricking her countless into thinking he was on the ground next to her. Closing her eyes now brought her back to a particular snowy day in the 300, the two of them have another one of those coded, jovial conversations.

_"…__Don't try to psychoanalyze me, Jay. Have you given anymore thought to whether or not we should tell Voight?" _

_"__No, we're not telling Voight." _

_"__He pardoned Burgess and Ruzek." _

_"__Burgess was shot. Her and Ruzek are an exception to the rule. Do you want to take a bullet so that Voight will give us his blessing?" _

_"__I'd take a bullet just to come over to you house tonight." _

Those were the days, the height of their fun and games. The art of secrecy making things that much more exciting and enticing. At the time they didn't realize all that they had, just two dumb kids thinking time and everything on their side. Fast forward several years and both were two ships floating in very different waters. She had sailed to the big, murky federal waters while he was still swimming in the lake life of Chicago. She wasn't sure if he was happy, satisfied with things at the moment, nor did she know if he was excited to see her progress while he maintained. She groaned while clinging to the towel wrapped around her, shivering at the steady body temperature change.

"You're tired and done and this is ridiculous," she told herself. Rolling to her side she found her phone, twirling it in her fingers as she talked herself in and out of calling. He told them they could call but it felt wrong, clingy almost.

"Just do it. There's nothing wrong with checking on a long time friend." Ditching the towel for a bathrobe, Erin made herself comfortable in a chair. She worked her way through the hospital switchboard, eventually listening to the buzzing sound of an incoming call.

"This is stupid…this is stupid…hey!"

"Patient name?" The voice on the other end didn't sound very thrilled for her call so Erin kept things subdue, chilled if you will.

"Jay Halstead."

"He's unable to accept calls at this time."

"Oh, I know. I was just wanting an update on him?" It was at the tail-end that she drifted off, the sound of things being passed off encouraging that.

"I'll take it," a familiar voice whispered, the phone being cradled under something before things continued.

"Will?!"

"Hey Erin." He was exhausted, that much Erin could detect, not convincing her that things were well.

"So?"

"He's sleeping. Meds are working but he's still in a good amount of pain. It's been that way most of the day. But at least he's finally getting rest. Oh, and no surgery at this point." The two of them just breathed over the phone, their presence being enough for the moment. They both got it, the shock of the current predicament in the story of the adventure. Neither was sure where things were going from there.

"I just wish there was something that I could do."

"You've done so much for him already. He may not say it but I know he really appreciates it."

"This is going to sound stupid and I'm going to chalk it up to a culmination of everything.."

"-No, he hasn't asked about anything. But he's not really all there."

"Okay," she exhaled, doing her best to not sound like some hurt teenager.

"I miss him."

"Yeah, me too. He's going to get through this."

"I know. I just hate that it's taking so long." Will snorted over the phone, pulling the device away as he yawned.

"I don't want to keep you from sleeping…or him. I think what's best right now is everyone sleeps."

"Yeah. Thanks for checking in. I'll let him know you called." Erin couldn't bring herself to reply, just let out a half farewell before selecting the red button. She couldn't contain the emotions a moment longer. For the first time in this whole situation, she sobbed. Deep, heavy, hard to breathe aches for the one she loved oh so long ago. They may have moved on, but that time of their lives would never fade, at least for Erin.

"Now I feel special," rattled so clearly and repeatedly in her mind that she couldn't help but smile. Wiping away the tears she concluded that she needed to pick herself up. The past was the past, all she could control was the here and now. Be a willing helper when the moment presented itself. Scrolling through her phone she found the present, cleared her throat as the person on the other end greeted.

"Hey. No, everything's fine. I just needed to hear something pleasant after today."

**So this final part was a set for the next chapter as well as the second leg of things. I don't want to spoil anything so I shall leave it at that. Just keep sticking with me. After this we're going to have a super small time jump. Nothing drastic will be missed, but we will see Jay's recovery, and the case, slightly further along. Thanks so much for reading! Stay tuned. **


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7- End or the Beginning, However One Looks At It

**I know I keep saying this but, this chapter is not going to be as long as the other one's. It's like a half day almost, just a glimpse into things before we speed up the storyline once again. Are you guys ready?! Let's get into it. **

It was here. The moment had finally arrived. After days of hunting and hours of lying on frozen, rock solid ice and snow the take down was upon them. Two days after the quest began, it was Kevin, Vanessa, and an officer that found the farm on the other side of the river. The farmhouse was identical to Ethan's drawings, down to the tire swing and apples rotting underneath the tree's branches. Securing a warrant took little effort, by now everyone in the New York City judicial system aware of the massive manhunt taking place in the Hudson River Valley. The ink wasn't even dry before the paper was raced up to the hotel, a chorus of cheers rang out as everyone piled into the vans. The hours of hunting were over, the case all but final. It was bittersweet in a way. On the one hand they were ready for things to be over, ready to get back to their usual swing of things. But as they drew closer to the farmhouse, it struck the Chicago team that they'd have to leave a man behind for a bit, part ways and hope from a distance. But more on that later on. Right now, it was take down time.

"Stream is up?" They were in their natural groupings, NYPD taking the lead with the federal departments right behind, Chicago was assigned the perimeter and back entrances. They had the house surrounded, the mastermind behind the terror was not getting away today.

"Negative."

"Copy. Last time things were updated?"

"Hank, when it's live we'll let everyone know." They all joked and rolled their eyes at that one. It was in the single digits out and all were exhausted. Everyone was on edge and antsy to break a door down. Erin breathed into her hands, doing her best to keep the trigger finger warm and ready just in case. As much as she wanted to see justice brought to the monster, that idea of justice felt to be a body zipped up in a bag. Anyone who did this act once deserved to never see the light of day and breathe free air again. But to immediately go back to old ways, they didn't deserve to see the sun rise the following morning. She prayed the creep gave her the chance.

There was nothing moving in the house for several minutes, the squeaking tire swing being the only noise breaking over the wind and wave sounds down below. Ethan was correct, the wind was always there. The house sat several hundred feet off the jagged coastline, a deep plunge into the frigid waters below. Estimating the drop was anything from one hundred to you'd be passed out before kissing the water. It wasn't a place to raise kids, wandering, adventurous kids in the least. There was no warning nor were there any fences. It was property and then a drop off, a creepy yet accurate depiction of life: you never know how far away from the edge you truly are. It was almost as if the perp knew everyone was huddled outside, biding his time and making things miserable. An online stream was scheduled to have come on half an hour ago, an awaiting audience large enough to make the delay rather suspicious. In the beginning they figured he was just making the audience wait, inviting them to be on edge and anticipate the horrific show on the other side. But as they struck the half hour mark all were sure he was onto them. Despite their best efforts to remain shielded and undercover, they were blown. Perhaps it was a paid off neighbor or the footprints on the snow, but he was onto them; or so they thought.

"We have movement in the cellar," Hailey radioed as crashing and screaming rang out into the silent, dark morning. It was the cry of a child, one that sounded frightful and pleaded for help. Hailey was up from her crouch, racing for the door with Hank and Kevin right behind her.

"I'm breaching," she called while stubbing the padlock with the butt of her gun. She forewent any chain of command or approval to breach. For all they knew it was Danny or some other petrified child being tortured. She wasn't going to wait around for permission to do her job. Today was all about asking forgiveness anyway.

"Breach," she heard Olivia call out over all the scanners, the siege of police crashing down doors and screaming their presence. Hailey was two steps from the bottom when she saw the reason for the shouts. There was a child, barely clothed, hanging from chains on the floor. It was female, barely above seven, perhaps eight. She was very much underweight, body convulsing under the fear and determination to get out. A covering had been tied around her mouth but was bit off and dangling around her neck. The girl must've heard them coming, the cue for her to give that final push to live. As Hailey got closer she noted the dark circles under the girls eyes, proof that she hadn't slept and was malnourished for quite some time.

"Sweetie, my name is Hailey and I'm a police officer. I'm here to help." The girl was so disoriented that she took a swipe at Hailey, flinging her chained arm at her before breaking down. Hailey holstered her weapon and gently took the girl in for a hug. There wasn't much left to the girl but skin and bones, hot tears pouring down Hailey's face as she whispered to the girl that things were going to be alright. Around the scene everyone else was radioing things they were finding: cameras, torturing techniques, no food or water and terrible photos. But Hailey ignored it all, clinging to the good part of out the bad.

"Where's my bear," the girl whispered before going limp. Hailey pulled her away as the shivering reached a new height. What was once out of control suddenly became dire.

"Guys, I need an life flight out of here. We've got a malnourished and possible hypothermic child down here. It's Danny." From here it became a race for blankets. Hailey removed her own coat and tossed it over the girl, gently laying on top and hugging the girl again to exchange body heat. Members of Intelligence acted as human blankets as well, the pile becoming two, three people deep while others' cleared a path as medics came flying in. It was after an IV line was set up and warmed saline packs were placed that Hailey let go, holding onto an IV bag as the group worked their way to the chopper. They made it to level ground when the shot rang out, causing everyone to duct and turn at the crack of gunfire right behind them.

"Van Camp is down," Erin radioed over the airwaves, jogging out to the back door to escort Danny to the helicopter. No one spoke to Erin, everyone chose to ignore the fact that she re-holstered her weapon as she moved down the stairs.

"Where are you taking her?"

"Columbia," the pilot called out.

"I'm coming." Olivia was right on her tail, telling Hank and Finn that they were taking over the leadership roles till things had to be wrapped up. Hailey was torn: stay and help wrap things up or take the flight out of here. She hesitated, got the glares from everyone asking her to make her mind up. As much as she wanted to see him, more lives were dependent on the job out in the middle of nowhere.

"Say hi to Jay for me," she yelled before slamming the doors shut. The tears were there, steaming down her face as the chopper lifted into the growing sunlight, soon disappearing over the rolling mountain terrain. Never had she felt so split in her life.

…

He slept the entire day after the worst day ever. He then proceeded to remain awake most of the day after that. Now here they were, four days after the horrific day and things were beginning to normalize just a bit. Pain was finally under control and the mild vasospasm had decided to relinquish its' grip on his fragile brain, leaving everyone rather relived and excited for getting out of the woods. Today was not just any other day, but a bit of a milestone. This fine, freezing, sunny day marked the one week anniversary of the surgery. A week, which felt more like a decade, had come and gone and Jay was still hanging around. Let the small celebration commence.

Since arriving at Columbia Erin all but sprinted up to the NSICU. Once Olivia took over the task of watching and waiting for word on Danny's condition, Erin was in a full on sprint. It had been forever since she saw something good, unable to recall the last time she saw Jay or Will or any part of that miraculous floor and she could not wait a moment longer. As she slipped the shoes off at the door her eyes wandered down the hall, noticing that his door was slid open and the lights were on. That told her that things were happening, some check-in or setback was going on. At this moment visitation hadn't exactly been granted but she didn't care. She'd come this far, she was not about to turn away now. As calmly and friendly as she could, Erin padded her way down the hall, waving to the nursing staff as they retuned with a grin. No one stopped her so onward she went.

Reaching the doorway she collapsed on the glass surface, the sight in front of her making her body relax, sigh, and want to cry over its' pure essence and beauty. Jay was sitting up in bed independently, a huge milestone from the last time she saw him. Will was on the right side of the bed, saying something about the weather and what Jay wanted to eat. It was a distraction for what was happening on the other side of the bed: IV extraction. Will would coax, Jay kept his eyes closed, and the nurse pulled things free.

"Okay, they're both out. Good job!"

"You're such a child," Erin detected from Will which made her silent observation no more. She giggled, covering her mouth as a tear dripped out of her left eye at the same time. What was happening was so hilarious and positive and oh how she suddenly missed it. Her giggle, snort, and nose wipe was enough to alert the members of the room that she was there.

"Oh thank God you're here. It's you or getting help from someone else," Will let out with an exhale. Jay looked away from the bandaids being applied to his wrists and smirked at her. He still was so…distant. He was trying, doing his very best to act as normal and well as possible, but things were still off. It had a lot to do with the room and the knowledge of everything, but Erin didn't let him know that she felt this way. He was trying and in a week's time was doing amazing, nothing more could be asked for or expected.

"How did you sneak in," Will asked while embracing her in a hug?

"We wrapped the case! We found one of the children Van Camp was abusing and brought her here and figured I'd stop by while we're waiting word on her condition."

"How bad," Jay inquired.

"Hypothermia. Not sure how severe but she's responding to treatment. We'll know more in a couple of hours."

"What about.."

"Shot. Dead." Jay didn't go beyond that, just nodded his head before returning to the nurse still in the room.

"What's the pain level right now."

"Like a five again."

"Okay, we'll get another dose going but we won't use the strong stuff till the next check-in. Don't try getting up till I get the wheelchair in here." Through rolled eyes Jay nodded, adjusting his weight as the nurse left.

"Wheelchair?"

"It's shower time! And he's trying to walk all the way down the hall for the first time since the surgery."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"I can walk just fine."

"Do you recall nearly passing out when we got dressed yesterday? Baby steps, Jay. You'll get there but you're not ready yet." Erin took a step back as Will undid all the medical stuff still on Jay, beginning at the chest and working his way down. When they reached the catheter she turned around, muffling giggles as she listened to Jay threaten to pull the thing out while Will told him it would go right back in. A knock on the door and Jay's newest mode of transportation had arrived, the long awaited moment finally here.

"You ready?" Jay responded by pulling the sheets off of him, allowing Will to help him swing his legs over the bed and onto the floor.

"You're going to need two people to help," Will instructed.

"Erin." She was vigorously nodded, was at a free side as Will helped Jay stand. The moment was memorable and lasted for about a second.

"Super dizzy," Jay spoke into Will's shoulder as Erin wrapped an arm around his waist, Jay on the verge of falling back onto the bed.

"It's okay. You're doing really well. Just take your time and adjust." The three of them stood in a weird hug for a minute, and another minute, and a third minute before Jay alerted that things were well enough to be moved. Will helped get Jay upright as he and Erin linked arms behind Jay's back.

"Ready?" Jay nodded, lifting the right foot and ever-so-slowly shuffling it ahead of himself. The first step, he'd done it. Just a few more till he reached his destination. It was a methodical, gradual, embarrassing yet stunning scene, but soon Jay was sitting in the wheelchair and ready for a trip. Erin wanted to hug him she was so proud. But alas, her ever planning and thinking ahead mind had other intentions.

"Is the bathroom bag already down there?"

"Oh shoot, didn't even think that far ahead," Will joked.

"It's fine! You guys go ahead and I'll catch up. I'll also bring another outfit." While rummaging through the bag she could hear Jay greet the outside world, people giving tons of praise and greetings to him as he worked his way to the hallowed room he waited a very long time for. It was so like Jay, trying to play things off while he was tackling massive obstacles left and right. Underneath it all it really was him. He was altered for a bit but deep down he was struggling to breakthrough. She wasn't aware that she was crying until she collected the new outfit and really wasn't sure why. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep or relief to be done or the dread that they were about to part ways. She was torn, unsure, really at her whits end. Apart from the whole brain surgery thing, she wanted to freeze this moment forever. They all were happy, reunited, the whole gang working together again. And before she could process and truly savor it all was coming to a close. She hated it, but knew there was no way to alter the course of things. She was still wiping tears when she reached the bathroom, standing in the doorway was Will was walking Jay through the nuances of a hospital bathroom and shower.

"Isn't this the nicest bathroom ever? Like nicer then yours?"

"Why is there a chair in the shower?"

"I'm going to let you figure that out."

"Will."

"Jay, you can't stand without two people helping you. Why is this surprising to you?"

"Why is Erin crying?" Will turned around as Erin forced the biggest grin, digging deep into her eye sockets to rinse the last of the tears out.

"What?! I'm not I'm…well….ugh. Just tired. And very proud of you." She entered the room, placed the bag in the shower and put the clothes on the bathroom counter.

"So I'm guessing you don't want me in here for that part."

"No offense."

"Totally understandable. I can grab some food while you get cleaned up. Did I hear correctly that he can eat?"

"Yup! Got the feeding tube out this morning." Jay gave a thumbs up and smiled.

"It feels nice to be semi-human again." That one made Erin smile.

"So what do you want?"

"I'll take anything at this point."

"Okay. I think I know just the thing."

"Sounds like a plan. Let's get him on the chair and then I can handle the rest from here." It was identical to the trip in the room: Jay standing, getting dizzy before adjusting and slowly moving to his new resting place. Erin moved the wheelchair to a safe place as Will helped pull the t-shirt off and chucked it to the floor.

"I'll be back in twenty," Erin called out as she closed the door.

"Okay! We'll be done by then." Jay waved, giving her that look she'd seen a million times in her life, the one that said 'thank you and I owe you.' Erin hated that those were going to become few and far between before long.

…

It's a weird mindset to get into and until you're there, you just cannot fathom it. This situation where you're very much vulnerable and exposed and out there for the world yet in that moment you do not care. You find yourself in this place, this moment in time where you cannot fend for yourself, do the most basic of tasks and have to rely on someone to stand in your place and complete it. Jay realized this as he threw a washcloth over the last remaining shroud of dignity on him, silently thanking the good Lord above that he had a family member in the room with him instead of some stranger because that would've made everything so much worse. This was all so new for him, this inability to fend for himself. Even back in the Rangers when things were bad, it was just him and himself getting through things. There was no backup, there wasn't a shower buddy or friend he had enough confidence in to help him. He hated being in this situation, this moment of true helplessness. Both brothers knew that Jay despised what was going to happen, but being dirty far outweighed everything else. He just had to suck it up and get through it. One day they'd laugh it off, but today it was the giant, smelly elephant in the room that both of them were tip toeing around.

"Do you condition your hair," Will asked while going through the toiletries?

"Is the bathroom door locked?"

"For the third time, yes it is. Jay, no one else is awake or able to walk around on this floor right now. Plus, everyone knows you're in here and they know to stay away. It's just you and I."

"Fine. Just hurry up and turn the water on." Before long a hand reached into the shower area and turned the faucet towards the wall, the small square space filling up with nearly burning hot water and steam in record time. What greeted Jay wasn't a pleasant stream of small, effortless beads of water, but instead, a proper hailstorm of darting water gun fights. It didn't hit his head but did cause quite a flinch.

"Oh my word," he let out in surprise as Will reached for the shower head."

"Who on earth left it on that one?" Every twist of the head things died down, soon tiny droplets were trickling down the head and all over the body. Without saying anything, the light touch of water hurt. At first Jay wanted to say something but thought otherwise. He was doing something somewhat normal and didn't want things to come to a halt.

"Do the body first and then I'll wash the hair. Can you feel your whole face?"

"Not really."

"Okay, that's normal. Then I'll do that too." Will handed off body wash and a washcloth and Jay proceeded to scrub himself down, the calming and relaxing going out all over his body with every inch that he scrubbed. It felt so good, so invigorating to wash hospital gunk and sweat and whatever else from the last week off of him. He was a new person, a clean individual ready to take on whatever. He may have completed a couple scrub downs, totally out of enjoyment and delaying what was coming next.

"I'm not looking," Will reminded as he puled the curtain back just a bit, sighing over Jay's embarrassed demeanor.

"I need to pull the dressing off. If any of this hurts say something and I'll slow down." Jay nodded, closing his eyes as the tape was released around the gauze. The weird part was that he could hear the fabric catching on the staples but yet could not feel them. For lack of a better word, it very much was an out of body experience. He knew that it should hurt but he felt nothing. Score one for busted nerves.

"Can I at least see what it looks like?" Will did a once over, scrunching his face at the sight of a week young craniotomy incision. The blood, bruising, and swelling were still there, in desperate need of cleaning before things looked remotely better.

"Let's finish the shower first."

"Okay."

"So I'm going to go really gentle, especially as we get near that side of things. If anything hurts.."

"I know." Will sighed, dripping shampoo onto the hair side of the head and began massaging at the rate of a sloth. The two of them were silent for a moment, both just praying for the other to say something. It wasn't till Will's pinkie touched a staple that Jay took things as a cue.

"So when can I start doing more of this on my own?"

"When you get discharged and aren't as dizzy."

"Which is when?"

"Probably in a couple of days."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Pain management is doing well and so far the vasospasm isn't coming back. You need a few more days like today and you should be free to leave."

"What about going home?"

"Yeah, that we'll have to discuss that when we get there." Will wasn't wanting this to be the time that the news was broken: it was going to be quite awhile before Jay was cleared to travel. With a bone flap not refused and him coming off two aneurysms, putting him at thirty-five thousand feet wasn't going to be approved for a few weeks, perhaps even longer. Driving was also out for fear of something happening and they're far away from any form of help. Jay was rather grounded, forced to be a resident of New York till further notice. Will, Erin, and almost everyone else was aware of this, all of them not sure how to break the news to Jay. Without knowing it he was soon going to be a man left behind. He was going to hate it but it was what was best for his health in the immediate future.

"Ready," Will asked once everything was rinsed? Jay nodded, reaching up towards his head as Will placed slides at his feet and wrapped towels around him.

"What, pain spike?"

"No, something is making a clicking sound."

"Ah yes, that's the bone flap."

"What?"

"It's the bone flap they had to remove and then put back when things were done. It's normal to have the clicking at this point. The flap isn't moving but when you move air bubbles or pressure changes happen, which results in a clicking sound or sensation. It's more annoying then anything. You're not doing anything to move it. It's screwed in there."

"Awesome." Will got eye level, giving Jay his best face as he extended and helping hand.

"Ready to see?" Jay responded with a best effort of standing up. Will grabbed a hand, guided him to the mirror, cleaned off the fog and revealed the new version of Jay.

"Oh good Lord," was the first thing that spilled out. He buckled for a quick second, Will right there to steady him. He almost didn't recognize himself, he looked nothing like he remembered. Everyone told him they only took a small portion of hair and that everything looked fine, but all that stood out was the fact that half his head was gone. No hair, no dimension, just flat and skin. Furthermore, the scar was huge. Jay reached up to feel it and was shocked by how large it was compared to his fingers.

"How long?"

"Seven inches." Jay stared, blinked, but nothing changed. The bruising was dark, varying shades of black, blue, and purple. The staples he lost count at thirty. He hated all of it, but realized what the alternative would be.

"Why is my eye swollen and bruised," he eventually asked, doing his best to distract himself.

"It's where they had to remove one of the aneurysms. It's actually going down and looking really good."

"I'm getting kind of cold. Can I get dressed." That was the cue, the signal to bring things to an end. He didn't want to see anymore, was embarrassed at the number of people that saw him in this state. He was different and he despised it. Re-dressing was done in silence, teeth brushing went on without a sound. It was after Will cleaned things up and wheeled Jay to the door that he paused, realizing that he had to say something before returning Jay and an assumed waiting Erin.

"Hey, you look fine. I know you don't believe me, but you really do. Everyone on this floor is going through the same thing or far worse. One day soon everything will go back to how it was and all you'll have is a scar and a grand story to share. Okay?! Can we also keep in mind you've made it a week post-op?"

"Yeah." Jay tried to smile, but Will didn't bite.

"Now do you see why we wanted to hold off on showing you?"

"Yeah." That one perked him up just a little more, Will satisfied. He opened the door to Erin just passing the bathroom door, her spinning around in surprise at the sight of the two of them.

"Talk about timing."

"Look," Jay whispered, pivoting his head for her to see. Erin leaned over, scanning the grotesque surgical site before turning to Jay.

"What do you think."

"It looks bad."

"Eh, it looks rugged. Which is very much you. You should totally use this to your advantage." That was it, the very thing Jay needed to hear.

"Hot dogs?"

"Thought you'd never asked." The three of them worked their way back to the room, ready for a long awaited lunch date for all to share.

…

"Look who traded places, guys!" Erin panned the phone away from herself and towards the chair adjacent to the bed, revealing Jay stuffing his face with food. At the shout of a million greetings and hand waves Jay covered his face in embarrassment, talking through the food in his mouth while Will handed him a napkin.

"Hi guys."

"How does it feel to not be in bed?"

"Weird, but a good weird."

"Don't eat too fast or you'll throw up and guess what'll be going back in," Will educated from somewhere away from the phone. Those back at the farmhouse were gathered in the kitchen, a laptop housing the Skype call sitting in the middle of the table with everyone on site cramming into the viewfinder of the call. Whether it was Intelligence or members of SVU, everyone wanted to see the miracle one a week out of his near brush with death, especially considering the last time they saw him was a wake up call. Four days later the person in front of them couldn't have been more improved. Granted he was still a bit hazy and day dreamed into nothing, but the fact he was awake, talking, sitting up and eating was incredible and all of them were beyond proud.

"So how does it feel a week later?"

"Not as painful. Everything else is still catching up."

"You'll get there. Just take you're time."

"Easier said then done," Erin butted in to everyone's chuckles in agreement. A third call chimed over the current one, the final piece they all were waiting on. Olivia's face came into focus a second later, showing her outside a hospital room and pressing a finger to her lips.

"They're still working on her but so far she's responding to treatment. Body temperature is improving well. She's going to have to stay the night but otherwise she looks to be okay."

"Awesome," everyone replied.

"So guys, we've reached the debrief stage of things. Let's start with the house."

"So this is where most of the shuffling, recording and staging of things went down. The house sits on thirty acres with two barns and a cellar as big as the house. Each room upstairs was staged to match a recording studio that was seen online at some point. The family room here was the epicenter of the IP address. Once techs found the signal scrambler then it all fell into place. We've got teams going around the city, Chicago, and a few other places taking down cells. So far fifteen kids have been rescued.

"That's awesome, good work everyone."

"Who took Van Camp out," was Jay's only interaction with the entire thing.

"Me," Erin beamed in reply, to which Jay's eyebrows perked up.

"Really?!"

"He drew and I fired first."

"Nice."

"Alright, I'm going stay here with Danny for awhile. Just till she gets settled and I'll talk to her when I can. If someone could find the teddy bear and bring it here that would be amazing. One of the doctors said that was the first thing she asked for when she woke up and I want to make her as comfortable as possible while she's in here."

"I'll bring it down once we wrap up here," Hailey cut in.

"Excellent! So next step: paperwork. Everyone will spend the next few days breaking everything down and properly documenting. We've got to make sure everything is perfect on this one. And then after that everyone is free to go about their lives and head back home." Silence filled the airwaves after that. A week ago they were on the heels of something big, no clue how vast or deep the case was nor did they have a clue what would happen to one of their own. Now here they all sat, spread out yet together, celebrating victory on many fronts. What a crazy ride life was sometimes.

"And he fell asleep," Will whispered as Erin hung up the phone, the two of them looking over to Jay slumped over on the chair. It was all part of the recovery stage: exhaustion. It came out of nowhere and stayed around for a bit. Jay was talking not five minutes ago, now sound asleep as Will did his best to recline the chair while making sure to not disturb Jay.

"Shouldn't we move him back," Erin whispered? Will shook his head.

"It's fine. I'll get him moved when he wakes up again. At least this time he went a full hour. Usually it's only thirty minutes." Will went to drag the IV stand close to the chair while Erin threw a blanket over Jay. The change in weight on him made him jump, eyes darting around the room in search of Will.

"Hey, it's fine. Just go back to sleep." Jay yawned and nodded before doing as was told, Erin and Will sighing in relief when the lower lip puffed out.

"I've got to go. As you heard, paperwork is calling my name." Will stood, leading her to the door and escorting her to the elevator. It was in the pulling on of the shoes that he noticed how slow she was going, the hesitation in not wanting to do what she knew she had to. In a way she still cared for him, and them, and it was obvious the apparent end was weighing on her.

"Erin, you realize this doesn't have to be the last time." She stamped her foot into her boot, standing up as tall as she could and hit the elevator button.

"Well, in the immediate future it is. This is going to sound awful but I kind wish everything could be paused just how it is. Just when everything is working and feeling back in place…it all has to change."

"Erin…"

"Will, just ignore my very tired talk. Alright?! Do you want me to bring anything for you guys tonight?" Her choosing to not face him told Will all he needed to know.

"Not that I can think of. But I'm sure when he wakes up he'll want something and want to see everyone again."

"Sounds good." Erin literally jumped on the elevator, clicking the close button before Will could say another word.

**Side note: if any of this is messed up or doesn't read right, blame the flu I'm battling. So we're coming into the closing stages of the this little story. The next chapter I'm very excited to share and I think you guys will like how it all plays out. Thanks for reading!**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8- So Long, Farewell, Until We Meet Again

They were going home, all of them. But for each person involved in the case, home was a word assigned to many different things. For those based in New York City, going home simply meant returning to their usual ways. Life went back to clocking in and out, doing their daily thing of solving the special cases no one else wanted; the ones they gladly yet solemnly took upon themselves. Erin's return home was going back to her brownstone in the upper region of Manhattan, regrouping from all that she endured before embarking on another wild ride that was par for the FBI course. For the members of the Chicago 21st precinct, it meant getting back on a plane and hopping from one cold and snowy city to another harsher, more frozen one. Now there was an exception to this, perhaps the biggest piece in this whole thing: Jay. His home was one he didn't know at this very point in time. He was in limbo, suspended between two places with no inkling as to when or where he was going from there. He was the wandering one for a time, a man without a true home base for the foreseeable future. This he was not totally aware of, but did not care. Because the term 'home' was not going to be a hospital address and for that, he was overly excited about.

On this milestone ten day post-op moment, with many days between him and the vasospasm, we find Jay sitting up independently, in bed, becoming rather antsy as the final hurdles of discharge were hopped in, out of, and through. His eyes darted around the room, the feet swinging a couple inches back and forth, his whole body wanting to shed a few pounds of anxiousness off itself. If only the mind would let him do so.

"Dude, you have to chill. You're going to pass out if you do too much," Will interrupted while collecting the few remaining items. Jay looked away from the curtained off window, the glazed over drugged eyes glancing in the direction of the voice. While he may have been recovered enough to graduate to a bed or couch outside the hospital, he was definitely still heavily relying on numerous drugs to function.

"Don't stare, remember? Talk it out."

"It's…really…hard today." While the sound sensitivity was getting more under control, Jay's speech was beginning to experience some technical difficulties. It was part of the healing process, the brain zeroing in on a portion of itself and beginning to rework and rewire things, but for Jay it was the scariest thing to endure. He wasn't sure what days would be like and his level of functionality. It was like living with a foreign computer running your body, you being along for the crazy and cloudy ride. They weren't sure if this was the result of the aneurysms or vasospasm or surgery itself, but Fred reassured over the coming weeks, months, and certainly years, things would go back to normal. Recovering wasn't a straight shot up to the top, but rather a hilly, up and down trek to the top of the health mountain. Some days would be better then others and they had to make the most of them all.

"I know, but you have to try. Being silent and doing nothing won't get things back in place." Jay nodded, his head swiveling back to the noise of the glass door sliding, the very magician in question sauntering through the door.

"At last, we part ways for awhile. You ready to head on out?" Dr. Fred perked his eyebrows up, looking at Jay as he did his best to form words and verbalize them.

"Yeah," slipped out, all people in the room proud of Jay for getting through this setback.

"How long is he going to have the verbal issues?"

"It'll probably come and go. Should last a couple hours here and there, some people report it going an entire day but it's never longer then that. The key is rest and taking meds and again, sleeping. There isn't a magic wand that will speed things along. This takes time, a lot of it, to get back your definition of normal. Your brain granted you the wish to survive the ruptured aneurysms and surgery so you need to return the favor and give it all that it needs, deal?" Fred stuck out his pinky, Jay chuckling and rolling his eyes as he interlocked his finger with the brilliant surgeon. There was no going back now, he'd just made the biggest promise of his life.

"I'm not going to overwhelm you with all that you need to take. Will has all the medication and times and instructions. Take them when he says to and again, sleep. I'm going keep reminding you and he's going to make sure you obey," Fred tossed a thumb Will's way, who upon receiving the thumb point nodded said that he'd make it his mission.

"Alright Will, sign on his behalf and you two are free to go." Internally Jay was jumping up and down, now with eyes cemented to the doors. But externally he couldn't do more then yawn and twist the hospital bands on his wrists. He wanted those to hang around for a bit, tokens of his time in the city and reminders of who he was in case he had a slip of the mind; which was rather likely in his current state.

"Thanks Fred for everything. Seriously, he wouldn't have made it this far without you." Jay looked away from the door to the surgeon, realizing it was his turn to speak his appreciation. He got as far as opening his mouth when the doctor shooed it away.

"Save the energy for the ride home. No need to thank me, it's just my job to step in and save the day." There it was, the arrogance Will recalled from those many years ago. But now he understood it, when you have that kind of knowledge and power its' basically impossible to not become big headed. Will went about picking up his bag and Jay's, silently complaining how heavy everything was, when a knock at the door had Jay grunting a greeting.

"Car is ready to go! Here's your jacket and your escort to the vehicle." Will turned around to see a solo Hailey helping Jay put an arm in each hole and pull the coat up on the body. It caught him off guard because it was the first time she was sans Erin, Will concerned the last conversation did more harm then he thought.

"Where's.." he started, but Hailey shook her head as if to tell him to stop speaking.

"Do you want to wear a hat?" Jay nodded, giving them the cue to rummage. Beanie was found, gingerly placed over the head so as not to jostle or place pressure on things, and the two helpers took a step back to appreciate the moment. In those early hours no one said it, but certainly there was the lingering doubt that Jay would never make it out of here. That he'd become a vegetable or fraction of his old self. Certainly the day of the vasospasm looked to all but solidify that. However, life had other plans for Jay, guiding them to this empty, now out of place patient in a room he no longer needed to survive. It was a quiet moment, but a memorable and joyous one nonetheless. Jay was the first to move things along, pushing himself closer to the edge of the bed like he was about to stand on his own.

"No!" In unison they lunged, landing on a side and reminding Jay of the dizzy spells and unbalanced nature of himself. Jay groaned, exhaling as he felt solid ground under him before forcing his legs to do their thing. The now familiar sensation of everything going black came next, Jay closing his eyes and finding stability on Will's shoulder.

"I know, don't move till it's done." Hailey patted his back in support, the three men unit holding life up for thirty seconds, a minute, two solid minutes.

"Let's go," Jay spoke on Will, both Will and Hailey proud he was able to speak that so easily and clearly. A single step at a time they all got Jay to the wheelchair, turning him around before gently getting him situated. Jay insisted on holding his bag and they caved, the rather heavy item pressing into his legs as they went towards the elevator. Several waves and well wishes were administer as they passed the nurses' station, Jay doing his best to thank them for everything. On the elevator he asked if he could walk to the car and an agreement of five steps was struck.

"I don't remember any of this," Jay spoke as they got closer to the front door, his eyes searching for some article to bring it all back, but wound up being just as lost and confused as the moment he woke up post-op.

"Well we went through the ER, which is on the other side of the building. So it's fine if you don't remember it." Jay nodded, satisfied that he wasn't totally losing his mind. A small gasp slipped out when they came to the front door, the glass wall and doors revealing the majesty of the outside world.

Everything was white, just as he recalled it being. The air was that crisp, making your innards sore, coldness. He tensed against the temperature adjustment before sensing that swelling desire to get up and run. He demanded that he get up and walk down the stairs to the car, but Will and Hailey weren't having any of that. Down the wheelchair ramp they all went, parking things a couple feet away from the car and telling Jay to wait as they loaded up the back of the black SUV.

"What's with the federal escort," Jay asked? Will chuckled while Hailey spoke.

"Oh that's right, you haven't had any of this treatment." Jay gave her a puzzled look which she laughed off.

"Come on, let's get you inside." Oh to feel the crunch of snow under a boot, be able to look out and see and touch the world right in front of you. Jay hesitated outside for a second, taking in this beautiful reentrance. It was exactly how it was when he left, almost like the world paused until his return. He couldn't wait to get back out there and make up for lost time.

"I do remember it had snowed." Will smiled ear to ear, ecstatic for the recollection of that day. The driver of the mystery car reminded them rush hour was happening soon, that being the green light for them to climb in. There wasn't a hesitation or question of where to go. Jay maybe got his seatbelt secured before they launched out of the driveway.

"Take your time, don't push," Will reminded, watching Jay stutter and struggle to verbalize whatever he was thinking.

"Seizure."

"What? You feel like you're about to have one?" Jay nodded, the ghostly white skin finding a new shade of paleness as he closed his eyes and gasped for air.

"Jay, you haven't had one this entire time and you're not showing any signs. It's nerves and having done a lot more then you have in over a week. Lay the seat back and close your eyes." Hailey pulled out a pillow and blanket as Will instructed Jay on where the seat recliner was. Hailey tucked the pillow under him and Will threw the blanket on top. Jay was out before they made it to Central Park.

…

New York City is one of the most interesting, clustered, hectic, yet fascinating places to observe. The varying neighborhoods and sections of the city are as unique as their names and the residents of their block. Will was aware of this during his time in school and residency, but having been removed from it for so long and them plopped right back into that world, this amazing truth just about struck him. Columbia is located way at the top of Manhattan, in the Washington Heights district of the city. So Will got this up close and personal parade of the city, crisscrossing from the very top of however far down they were going. The driver was correct in saying that rush hour was chasing them, and close to winning. Even though it was early afternoon, the highways were already getting backed up, the snow and harsh winter not doing much to slow things down. You could count the puffs of exhaust coming off of cars as they excelled and see the illumination of the red rear lights against the white snow and thick, clear ice. Along the way Will would poke for hints as to where they were headed. Erin and Hailey had super sealed lips about discharge plans, no one knew where Jay and Will were headed, not even a general idea.

For all Will knew it was going to be nice hotel or Airbnb or subway stop, he genuinely knew nothing. So while dodging the businesses of the Upper East Side he'd point things out, only to receive an emotionless stare out the window from Hailey. Will would comment on how stuffed up and elaborate this portion of the city was, and Hailey would sigh and stare; giving him nothing. Midtown was an absolute nightmare, the flashing lights and sirens and car horns raised the worry for Jay just a bit, but the unmarked black car kept rolling right along. It was at Times Square that Jay's eyelids fluttered and he adjusted awkwardly, but mostly he slept right through. Will's whispering for him to go back to sleep and Hailey's gently nail scratching were big instruments. Greenwich village, the Empire State Building, Madison Square Garden, the Flatiron and Chelsea were all passed up without much inquiring from Will and Jay slept along.

"No. Hailey, no way," Will blurted out when they arrived at the top secret destination. All Will's wild ideas were mere jokes now, compared to where he was. His head whipped around in shock and amazement, befuddled that they were here, outside of this place.

"Come on, it's getting dark and we need to get him situated." The once stone cold face couldn't contain her excitement any longer. There was a slight bounce to her as she opened the door and rounded the back to get Jay's bags. The opening and closing of the door brought in the frigid winter air, which was all it took to wake Jay up. His body shook away from a solid jolt, head turning left and right before looking to where Will was seated.

"Where are we?" Will took in the sights for a second or two, still shocked at where he found himself, before responding to Jay.

"Heaven on earth."

"What?!" Will laughed, shaking his head as he unbuckled himself.

"Don't get up, I'm coming to help you." The lower end of Manhattan can be well described as New York City, but zen-like. Certainly you still have the hustle and bustle of city life, but here things were more calm and relaxed. This was where the true New Yorkers were, far away from the tourist traps and the high life of royalty and financial power lords of the Empire. It's this area where the lifers are, or where those who are just entering the New York life get settled in. In this part of city streets are lined with trees, iron fencing, luscious green parks, and those infamous brownstones are are a part of New York City living. Nestled in the heart of all of this is Gramercy Park, a private and exclusive park, with a surrounding neighborhood, that is a true quiet gem. The park is rather private, so private that only residents of the surrounding apartment buildings have one of three hundred eighty-three available keys to the place. Will figured out instantly why they chose this place for Jay. On top of it being quiet and calm, the park would be the perfect place for him to walk around or sit and relax for a time. If only it was warmer out they'd expect him to practically live out there. But regardless, Will was beyond excited and amazed at the clutch move on both their behalves. While this brief period of time would be difficult and an adjustment for the brothers, this was the perfect setting to ride out the healing and relaxing game.

"We're here," Will coolly announced once the back car door was opened. He helped Jay sit up before allowing him a moment to reacclimate with outdoor lighting and the temperature of the season. The dizziness was swapped out for a growing round of aches and lull of a headache. Jay stiffly stretched his arms and yawned while squinting against the last drops of light. He noted they were in front of a normal looking building, roughly concluding this wasn't a hotel for a short stay.

"Home," inquisitively squeaked out? Try his best to form an entire sentence, they all settled for a single yet poignant word. As Hailey trudged up the steps the front door, Will sighed while giving Jay puppy dog eyes; he so wished he could make all this go away and have things go back to normal. Normal, was what that anyway?! That felt like such a foreign folklore at this point.

"This is home for awhile, Jay. Until you reach certain benchmarks in recovery and the bone flap is totally refused, this is where we're staying. It's too risky to put you on a plane or in a car. But I'll be here and Erin maybe, it'll go by quick." Will did his best to reassure, brush Jay's shoulder as he scrunched his lips to a side. The look of disappointment and letdown was all over Jay, but eventually he nodded. What he didn't say was that he felt like crap, not having the energy to fight or resist what was already done. Instead he gazed up at the white stoned building, noting the age and grandness of things before deciding to speak.

"It's…nice," he forced. Will's reply was interrupted by Erin's squeal at the front door, Jay weakly smiling while tracking her down the steps and at the car.

"Welcome home," she excitedly yet calmly announced, wary of the sound sensitivity and desire to not startle Jay. Erin held a hand out to assist and Jay accepted, placing a single foot down at a time as Will instructed to do so.

"Dizzy?" Jay shook his head.

"Do you think you're ready to walk by yourself?"

"Has he done steps yet?" Will glanced over at how many and realized how much snow was on them. Independence would have to wait just awhile longer.

"Let's go." Hands weren't plastered onto Jay until they reached the steps, the three person unit telling the one in the middle to take things slow and easy. About a minute later they were at the front door, Erin turning the handle and hesitating before releasing the surprise. Will gasped, Jay blankly stared, but in reality it was a place one could find in an architecture magazine. The place was a two story modern yet calming place. The walls were a soft cream and the floors an extra dark hardwood. Most of the furniture was muted tones of grey, white, natural woods with pops of color here and there. The foyer was long, opening to a large and open floor plan, with each room seamlessly flowing into the next. On the outside this place looked ornate and aged, so to walk in and be pleasantly surprised was a welcomed treat.

"Am I allowed to ask how you guys found this," Will began? The group moved from the front way to the enormously comfy living room, where the fireplace was roaring and pillows and blankets decked the two adjacent couches and lounge chairs.

"HA!" Hailey was in the kitchen making food that smelled amazing, but her retort echoed throughout the lower level.

"It was a 3am find the night after surgery. We were very exhausted and perhaps a little tipsy but I pulled a couple of strings and Hailey may have helped make up some crazy story up of needing this for a 'project' but hey, here we are."

"You didn't." Erin shrugged.

"It's what you do for friends and partners."

"You realize how rare it is to get in here. The place is basically legendary. People leave the keys in wills."

"Yeah, and it's yours for however long. This is a four bedroom place, two on this floor and two upstairs. The owners are overseas for the winter but their housekeeper has stocked the kitchen and will come by a couple times a week to check on things and restock. They are aware of the situation and have suggested the two of you stay down here for a bit and then as Jay gets more stable then you guys can move upstairs. The rooms down here are right across from each other so if anything happens you're right there. Also the black car is yours for the duration of the stay. I know you'll have doctors appointments and just want to get out so…it's yours."

"Erin, seriously, there's no way to even begin making up for this," Will remarked.

"You don't have.."

"-Will!" Hailey's concerned call made them realize they were short a person, _that_ person to be exact. They had moved from room to room without realizing Jay was still standing in the living room pointlessly staring at a painting on the wall. It was very much like Cameron in Ferris Bueller's' Day off at the art gallery, inspecting each spec of paint down to the microscopic droplets. Somewhere around the three minute mark his mind and body gave out, telling him things were too much to handle and he had to drop, right there in the living room. Luckily Hailey caught the wobble and stumbled onto a chair, ignoring the bubbling pot as she rushed to keep Jay from hitting the floor.

"He just passed out," she explained as help came running, Erin perplexed at how limp and out of it Jay was. It was like a switch went off, bringing them back to that day they really wanted to forget.

"Let's move him to the couch." Will jostled Jay's shoulder and called his name a couple times before green eyes met everyone else, Will grabbing what little time they had.

"We're moving you to the couch. Is the pain bad?" Jay slowly nodded.

"Also really tired."

"Okay, that's fine. Let's get you laying down, alright?!" They all moved the two feet from chair to the couch, Will coaxing him to an elevated position while Erin grabbed pillows and a blanket. Hailey returned with water for meds before yanking shoes and jacket off of Jay and tossing them to the floor. The whole thing took under a minute and in that time Jay was awake and agitated and sleepy before falling asleep again, soft exhales puffing out as Will pulled up the blanket. This pause to the grand tour of things was a heavy and somber reminder that while Jay may have geographically been 'home,' he was a long ways off from truly being home.

…

Blinking revealed nothing, so he tried once again and again and got nothing. The entire world was dark, not even a speck under a doorframe or flickering of an outside light. It took Jay's mush brain seconds to ask the question of how that was even possible. He swore where he passed out was light, open, definitely filled with light and sound, no way a roaring fire got this dark and in a small amount of time. For a split second he was scared, very clueless on his location or how he got there. A twitch of the skin revealed something that made his whole body jump, move the fastest it had in weeks.

"Whoa! It's just me." Will's calm voice brought things down a tad. Jay was still on edge, but not pure freakout. He realized he was sitting up before he realized it, finding a blanket had over his head; thus the darkness. Now at this position in his world he realized that he was on something plush, soft, with a lot of cushion. As nice as the couch that he fell asleep on was, this was way better. Furthermore, there was a lot of space around him, further proving this was the farthest thing from a couch. Now more awake his ears picked up commotion of life, voices muffled yet happy. The occasional laugh and utensil to plate noise pivoting Jay's head in the direction of the noise.

"Where am I," he inquired while outstretching his arms?

"So you really were out." Jay scrunched his eyebrows, asking for more details.

"You woke up awhile ago and complained of things hurting. Hailey and I moved you in here to the bedroom and you fell asleep mid taking a sock off. You want to see?" Will rolled the room's light switch up two notches, showing yet another place out of a magazine. The entire room was very shades of grey and white, very calming and cozy yet stark against the dark wood flooring. Everything was prefect and modern yet aged, that perfect balance of old and new, how very New York of this place. Jay nodded while looking around, still stunned over the day's events and locations.

"Is it just you guys out there?" Will turned away from picking up clothes, because apparently Jay also changed during this blackout state, to shake his head and plop everything down.

"No, it's the whole team. Their flight got delayed to tomorrow and they don't exactly have a place to stay since they checked out of the hotel so Erin insisted they all hang out here tonight."

"Looks like we have enough room," Jay joked.

"Yeah, the upstairs is just as nice as down here. We'll get you up there at some point." Jay nodded, moving closer to the bed before pulling blankets and sheets off of him.

"Are you sure? Remember it's your first day home."

"Will, I'll be fine. I've been in bed for however many days. I'm fine to walk around for a little bit."

"You were in bed for good reason."

"Will!"

"Fine, fine. But don't complain when you're exhausted tomorrow."

"Yeah, yeah…" Will offered socks, slippers, sweatshirt, the works; Jay settling on socks and a sweatshirt to go with the sweatpants and long sleeved waffle knit on him. Will assisted in getting him out of bed, the two of them making it to the doorway before Jay held them up. He peered down the hall to where things opened up. They all were happy, relaxed, having a great time just being people. The old team was coming together with the new, creating this unofficial family reunion. In that instant he was alright with getting hurt, because the pain led to this insight into their joy. The moment was sweet, but the lingering 'and' quickly followed behind.

"So realistically how long are we stuck here."

"At least a month. The bone has to totally heal and it's going to take some time. Plus you need to be mobile and somewhat functioning without the strong meds. It's going to take some time."

"Dammit."

"Hey, you've come really far. Let's not forget how bad off you were ten days ago and the big setback. This isn't a speedy process and rushing it will make things worse. Trust things, trust me and listen and we'll be heading back home before you know it. But also remember when we do get home.."

"-Yeah, I'm stuck in bed," Jay teased. He looked away from Will and back at the hallway. He had to get to the table, that was the single mission. He took a step before Will was ready, the arms automatically coming out after him.

"I can do it."

"Okay, just tell me when you're about to fall." Jay rolled his eyes, bouncing off one side of the hallway to the other. He'd step and step and shuffle two more steps before bracing on the wall. The brothers rested on their place for a few seconds before Jay lurched forward. He was convinced he was walking on a forward angle, but before long the praise and surprise from the dinner party greeted him. Hailey got up to help him but Jay shook her off. Instead she pushed a chair out at the head of the table and commanded that he sit.

"Hungry? It's my famous spaghetti," Erin teased, which earned her a few chuckles.

"You cook," Jay shot back? Ah, there he was. The man she fell in love with all those years ago was amongst them at last. Life and it's ever winding paths sucked. A part of her saw the two of them in the life rat race together for eternity. But now that looked to be a mere high school foolish dream. They were both those passing ships in the night, their dots on the endless seas intersecting at a single speck on the map. Both were within shouting distance but would never have the connection they once had. Soon the wind of time and life would push both along their ways, with nothing but memories to cling to and the continued question of what ifs.

"HA," Erin spoke while rising, making a plate for Jay and placing it in front of him.

"You need help," Will whispered? Jay seriously rolled his eyes while twirling his fork and biting. The room grew hushed as they watched, noting the loading up and impending launch from Jay. He chewed and chewed and swallowed before noise crept back into the room.

"Chef Boyardee is shaking." A smile broke out across Erin's face, eyes tilting upward like an emoji. This was the start of a long last supper. It took a cold case, brain surgery, and a near death situation to get it together but at last, the family was whole. They ate and drank—except Jay—and laughed and talked the night away. It was the perfect coming together that was greatly needed for all. Too bad it was the first and the last.

…

As Will jokingly called, the following day was a blur of lethargy and exhaustion for Jay. He managed to make it to 11pm before the yawning and drained appearance crept in. It was easy to see Jay was beyond his limit, willing taking Will's help and actually asking for meds when out of earshot from the rest of the clan. Sleep preparation was a breeze, Jay collapsing onto the bed and Will handing off clothing and toothbrush before snoring broke out.

Sleep was a tossing, turning, irritating event that night. The apartment was massive, but not quite up to holding everyone in a bed. There was enough bedding for all if Will shared with Jay and Erin claimed an extra large couch, which she met with great joy. It had been an exhausting day for her, as well as everyone else who helped get things set up for Jay. They all snoozed through the dark hours of the day, everyone that is except Jay.

Seeing him unable to sleep or in pain drove home just how powerful the drugs in the hospital were. He'd progressed enough to no longer be needing that potent level of medication, but transitioning from those to what he was currently on was an adjustment. It began with Jay waking Will up, complaining his head wouldn't stop clicking or that everything was beyond sore and on edge. From there it progressed to Will waking Jay up, just about packing a bag for the hospital when Jay wouldn't wake up sometime in the 4am hour. That was when the lethargy started, small groans and huffs and puffs were how he communicated. At 5am it was eye blinks, 6am he just slept on, and at 7am he could slur a few words out. Erin sat with him from 7:30 onward, giving Will the chance to receive what he so desperately needed: sleep. Erin sat in silence, sipping coffee and staring into nothing. She knew this was a setback, a bump on the way to full recovery, but she was also properly scared. Will gave her the abbreviated version of the night, and the snippets she learned made her uneasy. Occasionally she'd crane her neck left or right, both of adjust and send the shivers of fear another place.

"Hey," a voice whispered, allowing Erin to flee her racing mind and return to reality. The very person she was petrified for was looking right at her, eyes barely open as his mouth cracked open to say something.

"Hey you," she replied back. Wary of Will, Erin placed her cup on the table next to the chair and tip toed over to Jay. She was elated that he tracked her, a small glimmer of human pushing its' way out of the broken body.

"Do you need anything?"

"No," Jay grunted in response. Erin sat on the edge of the bed, giving her best reassurance face. She felt the urge to stroke his remaining hair and couldn't resist, gently running fingers on the non-surgery side while holding Jay's outstretched hand. It was a touching moment. Yes the pun was intended. It was a moment, but not one that most people are thinking it to be.

"Sorry you had a bad night."

"Yeah." There was something Erin so completely and totally wanted to do, but that wasn't par for the course anymore. They were well past that, Erin sadly realizing she was the propagator of that one. Instead she continued to smirk and stroke, waiting for Jay to drift back to sleep.

"When's the flight?" Aside from his lips, nothing else moved. Jay was still depleted, but forever and always thinking of others. That was the person Erin knew, forever and always.

"They have to leave in a couple hours. But just worry about resting, okay?" Jay did his best to smirk, upper lip curling centimeters as his eyebrows fluttered up before falling back down. Erin stayed in her place till she was sure Jay was out, and even then she scooted to the foot of the bed and sat in stunned silence. Will awoke some time later, Erin quick to point out that Jay was sound asleep.

"Did he ever wake up," Will whispered?

"Yeah, it was just a few minutes. He asked when they were leaving."

"If he has any plans of leaving this room today…he's going to be the death of me."

"Of us all," Erin joked, to which Will smirked and nodded in agreement. The two of them glanced over at the person in question, both wishing there was a some word or deed that could make this impending separation not come to fruition.

Jay slept the next few hours, only the jostling of Will telling him the others were about to leave was what got him semi-conscious. It was true, Jay did have intentions of going with everyone to the airport, completing the circle of work life in New York in a sense. But now that was a silly notion, Jay knew it deep down. Will had to help him sit up, repeat things a couple times before it truly resonated. He wasn't fully aware of how things were those first hours post-op, but he felt it wasn't much better then this. He was drained, done, unable to function properly. He was frustrated, disheartened, over it honestly. Will wanted him to stay in bed, Jay asked to be helped to the living room and Will eventually obliged. The trip was much slower then the day before, both Will and Erin doing their best to help without embarrassing. Literally the entire team was in the doorway, bags in hand and waiting for him to get his butt into gear so they could leave. They all wore smiles and sympathetic glances, but deep down you could sense the impatience. As much as they hated to leave, they had looming demands back home. They were torn to say the least.

"Hey guys," Jay calmly greeted while turning to sit. You could hear the drugs in his voice, he was that high on things.

"Have a safe flight. Sorry I can't go with you."

"Don't apologize. Just focus on getting better. Your desk isn't going anywhere and no one's going to take it." Jay was touched, really, but with a great lack of energy all he could do was nod. One by one they lined up and expressed their farewell, all hugging Jay and most telling him to take things easy. Kim hugged extra hard and demanded he obey every request while Hailey impatiently tapped her toes. She hated everything about this, she could not leave her partner, not in his current state. But life wasn't allowing her to stay behind, the job being unforgiving once again. She told herself in the beginning she'd visit but they all knew that would never come to fruition. If anything she was jealous. Jealous of what Erin and Will were about to have: free time with Jay. She was slightly furious they had that option at their disposal while she'd run amok in the streets doing tough things. And was that a twinge of uncertainty? She knew Erin would respect things, after all she was the one that basically said to go after Jay. Hailey also trusted Jay enough to know he wouldn't do anything to jeopardize their bond and impending future, nor could he really. But Hailey too had history with a former partner and given the chance, Lord only knows what she'd be tempted to do. So to say their goodbye was long and full and deep was an understatement.

"I'm going to miss you," she spoke into his shoulder, both of them quietly and tightly holding the other.

"That might be the nicest thing you've ever said." Hailey snorted, gently patting his shoulder before placing a smooch on Jay's cheek. At this point she didn't care who saw or knew, they all got what was going on here. Another quick squeeze, a look between the two that told each other to behave, and they were apart. Final farewells and well wishes and orders to listen were dished out as the clan bound out the door, but Jay's back was turned to them the entire thing. How he found himself in this place, both literally and figuratively, was beyond his altered, drug fogged mind. He was quite seriously at the crossroads of old and new, with each option pretty vague at this point. He needed time away, he couldn't do this to either option, and really it wasn't in him to figure this out right now. So the only thing left was to wait and see…and sleep, which is what he was doing as Hailey longed back for the apartment till it disappeared in the rearview mirror.

**This was an interesting part of the puzzle to juggle and I hope it worked. We're setting things up for the point of no return. You'll see what I mean in the next chapter. Thank you for reading!…and waiting around for me to update!**


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